Yadid's practice journal #2

Don't let the swamp of sadness get you!

(favourite movie as a kid)

Thanks guys.
I feel much better today. I just felt like I cant bear the load

Walking in the park is my favorite thing ever, when I happen to get in those moods. It really soothes them out.

Yeah I relate to that Bruno. I take my puppy for a walk in the pseudo-park near my house several times a day, and its much fun.
You are living in Amsterdam, right? Isn't it super-cold there right now?

Back to the 11th nyana it seems, had a very relaxing day resting a lot.
1 hour sit so far. 1 more coming up.

For the past few days I've been a very cranky annoyed dark nighter.
Now visiting my mother's place in the outskirts of Jersusalem (very calm place with a mountain view) I just sat for an hour and got to high equanimity and spent most of the sit going deeper and deeper. Such a calm open space, lots of visual strobing and flickering towards end of the sit. Feeling that I am on the `tipping point` as Kenneth called it.

Anyway, perhaps another one hour sit is due

Good stuff!!

Metta!

Thanks, Mu

Another hour sit: Same thing. Spaciousness, calmness, sit goes by quite quickly and willingness to sit more is present.
I am planning on continuing the momentum, and perhaps if I don't get stream-entry by mid February (or perhaps even if I do), I'm planning on a week long retreat up north.

"Consistency, not heroics" - still sitting every day as much as I can.
Today I can sit for a bit more than the usual 1 or 2 hours per day, so here we go. 1 hour sit done, moved through A&P quickly (pleasure, happiness) into DN (fear of future and unpleasant vibratory phenomena) and keeping in mind Kenneth's advice (`If I keep sitting through this, equanimity is going to arise`), and sure enough, it does!

Lets see where the next sittings will lead.

1.5 hour practice: nice and deep calmness, spaciousness, etc, equanimity.
2 more hours planned for today... hmmm.. where's my blip!

Another hour sit: spaciousness, calmness and so on.
Wondering where the hell is my cessation. *looks up to imaginary Buddha in the sky*

"Wondering where the hell is my cessation.
"

Try giving up the subtle attachment to cessation. That could be what is keeping you back. I myself had this experience when I was on a retreat, and it had come to the last day. I was in equanimity, and thought to myself, ok, there is no time now to experience cessation, but that is ok, I can continue with my meditation at home. I started my meditation again, and about half an hour later experienced the cessation. I think what helped was giving up the subtle craving to experience first path.

Hope this helps.

Yeh, it seems that a lot of yogis give up on craving cessation and that actually does the trick. If you are craving it, there's your obstacle right there. SURRENDER to it!

Hmm.. This is kinda confusing, as previously some of you and Kenneth said:
""Craving for path is definitely getting in the way in my sittings. Advice?" -Yadid

Craving for path is never in the way, Yadid, as long as you note it. Keep noting it for as long as it lasts. There is no such thing as a hindrance. There is only your experience in this moment, and it's all notable. No experience is better or worse than any other. - Kenneth"

"Hmm.. This is kinda confusing, as previously some of you and Kenneth said:
""Craving for path is definitely getting in the way in my sittings. Advice?" -Yadid

Craving for path is never in the way, Yadid, as long as you note it. Keep noting it for as long as it lasts. There is no such thing as a hindrance. There is only your experience in this moment, and it's all notable. No experience is better or worse than any other. - Kenneth""

Yes, Yadid, it aids in getting the motivation ramped up thus aiding in maintaining a momentum. From the stories I have heard and my own of stream entry, we seemed to give up or surrender at the last moments while in high equanimity so that there wasn't this self-created urge to acheive soemthing, but just surrendering to high E so as to let back ground and foreground do it's thing and synch up and then Pop! "You" got yourself through all the previous nanas up till high E. Now "you" need to step out of the way to make that last hurdle.

The craving got you up to high E, right? Now you just have to surrender to it, sit back and let it all synch up. It usually feels natural to do so. Keep surrending!!!

"Hmm.. This is kinda confusing, as previously some of you and Kenneth said:
""Craving for path is definitely getting in the way in my sittings. Advice?" -Yadid

Craving for path is never in the way, Yadid, as long as you note it. Keep noting it for as long as it lasts. There is no such thing as a hindrance. There is only your experience in this moment, and it's all notable. No experience is better or worse than any other. - Kenneth""

Yadid, think of this as advice about your attitude during each sit. In a sense the craving for stream entry is a hindrance, but if you think of the craving as a hindrance, you are shooting yourself in the foot by subtly (and unintentionally) clinging to the craving as being who you are and unconsciously believing that achievement of stream entry is something out there that is other than you. This is all happening beneath the level of intellectual thinking, so don't try to figure it out. The good news is that if this is your struggle, then you are very close. Disembed from what you think is craving. What is creating the sense of craving? Talking thoughts in your head? A physical tension anywhere in the body? Anxiety? Frustration? Note them all. If you get lost in the thoughts ask yourself the question 'I wonder what my next thought will be'. The craving is just another sensation to note like all the others. Nothing special. Just keep noticing it and releasing it. That's it.

Would you say that early on in your sitting practice that the pain from sitting more than 10 or 20 minutes was a hindrance? Or that you can't meditate because you can't control your thoughts? Or that you can't get past the A&P because you got too excited and lost it? From one perspective any one of these things are hindrances, but from a different perspective, they were just parts of the stage you were at at the time. Sensations to be noted and worked through.

Thanks for the advice guys.

Went to the Goenka house for 2 consecutive sittings, so 1hr, 30min break and 1 hr, sat through the whole thing, when the first sitting ended i thought 'wow that was fast', same for the second one. No pop though, desire for it to happen, did as best as I can to 'surrender'.

Here's what I think now: Nothing I can do will cause it, so I just sit back and watch. Kenneth said just like the rest of the nyanas arise in order on time, fruition will do as well.

I like meditating on the bus. Today I entered the spacious calm state while on the bus to school and it was much fun

Yesterday I noticed that since I'm regularly or fairly regularly accessing (what I think is) the equanimity nyana, I have sort of become a bit of a lazy meditator - I am less consistent with my noting, and I find that it is detrimental to my practice, at least in the lower nyanas.

So today, I have a nice free day to practice intensely. I hope to put in at least 4 hours of practice, and lets see what happens!
I find that the laziness tendency is strong in me, but the desire to awaken is even stronger.
Consistency! Let the sittings begin.

"Yesterday I noticed that since I'm regularly or fairly regularly accessing (what I think is) the equanimity nyana, I have sort of become a bit of a lazy meditator - I am less consistent with my noting, and I find that it is detrimental to my practice, at least in the lower nyanas.

So today, I have a nice free day to practice intensely. I hope to put in at least 4 hours of practice, and lets see what happens!
I find that the laziness tendency is strong in me, but the desire to awaken is even stronger.
Consistency! Let the sittings begin.
"

Sounds like equanimity to me! This is were resolve keeps you going, Yadid! Keep on keeping on! :
Momentum! Momentum! Momentum!

So I just had one of the most peaceful 1hr sittings. I believe it was a deeper exploration into high equanimity.
Everything was just bubbles, vibrations, and peace.
Inspired by Nick's recent post I also resumed my metta practice at the end of the session.

have you noticed that these vibrations arise on their own (without your involvement)
that they are impermanent
or that they do not possess the ability to satisfy you

**
oops double post

sure did mu, it was definitely arising on its own, and passing, and at times I felt there was an inherent dissatisfaction in the fact it is impermanent. Fun nonetheless

good ol anicca, anatta, & dukkha