Yadid's practice journal #2

I think it's time for a new thread.

So I'm pretty sure I've started to get to Equanimity at home in a shorter time.
Yesterday I sat for a relatively short time, 30mins. Dark Night was obvious with lots of future thought and annoyance, suffering because of thinking of work (feeling life is just suffering). I stayed with all this anxiety and noted the hell out of it. Then a feeling of "Ahh.. Everything is OK" came over me and I continued. Perhaps this was Equanimity.
I'm trying to build up more momentum at home.
2.5 day retreat next week at Goenka's. Yahoo!

"I think it's time for a new thread.

So I'm pretty sure I've started to get to Equanimity at home in a shorter time.
Yesterday I sat for a relatively short time, 30mins. Dark Night was obvious with lots of future thought and annoyance, suffering because of thinking of work (feeling life is just suffering). I stayed with all this anxiety and noted the hell out of it. Then a feeling of "Ahh.. Everything is OK" came over me and I continued. Perhaps this was Equanimity.
I'm trying to build up more momentum at home.
2.5 day retreat next week at Goenka's. Yahoo!"

Go for it, Yadid! Anytime is noting and gaining momentum time! Anytime could be popping time. No limits imposed!!!!

Thanks Nick
As I told you before, when I am during intensive practice I often think of you sitting in the Goenka centre doing the same thing.

My slogan is now: I HAVE SUFFERED ENOUGH.

Went on a 3-day Goenka retreat, which is basically 2 full days of meditation, and a bit.

Went into Dukkha Nyanas real hard.. It was especially difficult.
So much sadness, aversion to sitting ,strong vibrational pain, unable to note and feel my emotions and mind states, then realizing this causes me sadness, anger, fear, and uncertainty which is what I need to note, and then the retreat ended and I went back home with an intense third eye headache.

Thank god that retreats tend to have a good effect on me regardless of state, and that I am able to maintain my daily life business. My girlfriend doesn't really like that I take retreats so often this year, and is quite unsupportive/fearful of my practice ('it is more important to you to get enlightened than anything else').

Anyway, on we go I am glad I had this experience and I know I am still progressing.

Advice?

"Advice?"

Try to maintain the momentum you now have by consistently building everyday mindfulness workout. Start by noting during all those situations which occur everyday and do not require too much concentration: waking up, washing your face, eating the breakfast, going to work, lunch break, coffee break, going home, taking a shower, walking the dog, brushing the teeth, going to sleep... Be consistent like you were training for a marathon.

Once you get those going nicely, try to fill the gaps...

Antero.

Thanks Antero. Solid advice.

Did you also encounter these difficulties?

"Did you also encounter these difficulties?"

I have never had too much hard time in dukkha nanas. This may be because of the intense asana / prajayama practise or just good karma, don't know. The main difficulty for me has been how to get enough practise time with demanding job, kids and all that. That has led me to use to my advantage all the possible opportunities during everyday life.

Antero.

I see..
How many kids do you have and what kind of job do you do?

When you wrote this post (I am at work in a hitech company) i felt fear - 'i gotta be mindfull all the time' , and then started noting 'fear, fear'. and continuing to note as I go about my business. Thanks for this important reminder.

In this regard I really have no excuse - I study 2 days a week and have cut down my work schedule to 2 or 3 days per week.

I am an architect: almost impossible schedules, last minute changes, unforeseen complications with the authorities... You are probably familiar with these in your line of work also. Combined with the demands of a householder with a wife and two kids, sometimes it feels like it is plenty to handle

I think it is importat to build the off the cushion practise little by little. Otherwise it is just another thing to feel stressed about... First I just tried to be mindful on my way to work and back. Maybe after a week I would add another component, so little by little I had a bridge of mindfulness through the day keeping the momentum going until I had a chance to sit again.

Antero.

Now I just try to be mindful whenever I can.
So when I feel 'Oh no.. when am I going to practice' i take that as a reminder and start noting -fear, future thought, etc.


Do you find that the recent developments in your practice are helping you in your daily life?

"Do you find that the recent developments in your practice are helping you in your daily life?"

For sure! Reduction of stress levels at work, improved concentration, less irritable at home... One of the most useful skill I have learned is real-time disembedding while having an argument with my wife

How does she relate to your practice?
I find that this is a major difficulty I am encountering nowadays.
"1 hour meditation?!?! What about me?"

""1 hour meditation?!?! What about me?"
"

We have had our discussions... I will PM you a more detailed answer shortly.

Great, thanks.
Some things are not for the public board that's for sure.

Antero, thanks for the detailed tips for progressively infiltrating noting into career and family life. Very helpful and encouraging. I've been wondering if body work might be an important part of awareness. One clue, during the past year when my practice has been most penetrating, seems to have coincided with when I was exercising most vigorously, for example. (Great journal, Yadid.)

Thanks Mark.

Sooo.. I leave work today, ready to hit the cushion for 2+ hours since the house is going to be free. I note on the way on the bus, stop by at the supermarket and buy some food, and when I get home.. *ding* '****. I forgot my keys at home and my girlfriend is only coming back in 2.5 hours'.

So I made myself a sandwich from all the food I bought, and sat at a quiet spot beneath the house and noted my ass of, also by walking.
I find that walking practice is interesting, since during most of it I have doubts and thoughts of not doing it right, not having stuff to note and so on, and those are great objects when I catch them.

Thanks for the encouragement Antero and also Nikolai, who reminded me that every moment is time to practice and gain momentum,
and also Nikolai's "surrender to the suffering", its a great help.

Edit: I forgot to add that before deciding to practice while I'm locked out, I struggled and tried finding alternative ways home - such as by climbing a tree, but quickly decided its too much of a risk. heheheh

Sometimes I can experience craving and aversion at the same time. If there are pleasant and unpleasant body sensations occurring at different parts of the body.

This morning's sitting: tiredness, followed by bliss and a vast stillness, followed by aversion and sleepiness.

So I'm starting to recognize a certain experience which usually happens in the beginning of sits - I'm beginning to suspect it is actually the 1st nyana / 1st vipassana jhana. It feels as if the whole body expands outwards, there is a stillness and ease, for a while. and then it gets annoying and a bit disturbing and I want it to end, I believe that is the shift into the 3Cs, and then the agitation and pain become more pronounced.

Sat again this morning, and noticed the 1st vipassana jhana clearly, and the shift into the 2nd. It seems like I need to practice more daily in order to reach my cutting edge, and make more progress.

I'm going today for a 1.5hr sit in an Aikido Dojo near my house. The guy who teaches there is an authorized Mahasi teacher so I'm happy to be going (He's the teacher who brought Sayadaw U Vivekananda to Israel this year, and does so every 2 years). He told me he might organize a 10-day Mahasi retreat this year in Israel, and I was very excited to hear that. I'm sick of going to Goenka and doing my own thing (better than nothing though!).

Met up with the local Mahasi teacher for the sitting.
It was nice to converse with someone face to face about these things. he shared some of his experience with me - he said he did extensive practice with U Pandita and Vivekananda - and got some paths, etc.

He told me U Pandita's "home practice is just maintenance" - the progress on this forum proves otherwise. If one holds to this belief - it is indeed true, so why hold it?

I resolve to get stream-entry as soon as possible.
I have been noting all day whenever I got a free chance, and will be racking up my daily practice to reach my cutting edge and go beyond it.
Today it worked, on my last sitting at the Dojo i got to 4th vipassana jhana, or so I think.

"
I resolve to get stream-entry as soon as possible.
I have been noting all day whenever I got a free chance, and will be racking up my daily practice to reach my cutting edge and go beyond it.
Today it worked, on my last sitting at the Dojo i got to 4th vipassana jhana, or so I think."

Yadid,

What do you mean by the 4th vipassana jhana? the 11th nana/equanimity about formations? if you have, then you'll notice that no matter what phenomena arises it has little or no effect on you, and equanimity about formations will start to settle in. when that's the case, keep noting noting and noting, disembedding more and more from your experience.
It is great that you have resolve for stream-entry. If you continue to push forward noting everything and dis-embedding yourself from phenomena that momentum will definitely carry you all the way to stream-entry. It is only a matter of time! keep up the great job!

remember that you are at the door, to the door, to the door - Kenneth (and Bill Hamilton)
With metta,
Jorge Freddy

Hey Jorge,

By 4th vipassana jhana I do mean the equanimity nyana.
It is harder for me to recognize specific nyanas in my practice (besides the 1st one and perhaps a&p), they seem like chunks at this stage.

Thanks for your encouragement

Got this from the teacher I sat with last night. An article by Jack Engler on the Dukkha Nyanas.

"Anticipate the mind's ambivalence and resistance to awakening, and then we will not be dismayed or deterred. Left to itself, the mind will always hedge its bets. "Your mind has a mind of its own,""
www.dharma.org/ij/archives/1999a/jack_engler1.htm

Still trying to note all day.
1hr morning sit: cutting edge at 4th vipassana jhana (equanimity) again, probably up and down from it, in between, fear of not being, and feelings of 'something big is going to happen'. objectifying lots of mental phenomena, sense of self becomes tricky.
Thats the best I can do in describing this

Lets see where this day takes me, I hope to get at least 2 more hours of sitting practice.

"It is harder for me to recognize specific nyanas in my practice (besides the 1st one and perhaps a&p), they seem like chunks at this stage.
"

Yeah, I think that's pretty common for pre-stream enterers and a 1st pathers to see some nanas as chucks. In my experience, I got fairly proficient at recognizing them after cycling many times while in 2nd path.
Another thing that may help, if you are so interested in being able to recognize each nana is to ramp up your concentration so you can catch finer details of the nanas as they manifest (to the point in which you can actually see the fractal nature of the nanas and jhanas).