There is no spoon

Thanks for the encouragement, Nick. This morning's 45m sit was better than yesterday morning's exercise in frustration, but morning sits generally seem to have as their "feature" the planning thoughts of the day. Today was no exception but I was able to rein it in more effectively.

Interesting to see what the red-eye flight home tonight holds.

From Mr. Folk:

Try not to make it complicated. Whatever happens is perfect. Note it. You don't have to have equanimity. You just have to note anxiety or confusion. Do you see how insisting upon equanimity is just an extra step? You don't have to be clear. Note dullness. You can't afford all those in-between steps if you hope to be enlightened in this lifetime. This is infinitely simpler than even some of the most popular dharma teachers understand. With all due respect, that's why so many of the most popular dharma teachers insist that they are not enlightened: they are not. And that is probably because they keep adding all kinds of cleverness and "view" to this practice.

Second that. The very act of judging your sits can set you back.

JUST SIT

jUST NOTE

Third that.

"Judging, judging."

"Third that.

"Judging, judging.""

I don't think it is allowed in the rules to third what you've already firsted even if the first was done by proxy.

"I think I am getting sidetracked by some of the stuff I read here, like fluttering eyes, focusing on third eye, crown chakra energy, etc., and have officially lost my way." ~Tomo

You haven't lost your way. Regression is out of the question.

I know you're sick of hearing tips regarding what to do in the Equanimity ñana, but I've actually been thinking about this a lot lately and playing with different approaches. The two ingredients needed are mindful attention and non-striving.

If we get up to equanimity, and just chill out, it's easy to lose our mindful attention.

If we get up to equanimity and keep our mindful attention, but strive to find some kind of door to enter through, or to see things in some special way, we lose our non-striving quality.

For me, there is a simple solution. Keep track of a neutral stimulus - something you don't get excited about. What works best for me is the rise and fall of my abdomen. If I'm keeping tracking of "rising, falling" then mindful attention is there. If the stimulus is neutral, I'm not going to strive after it and get agitated. It's a win-win.

Find a neutral stimulus and stick with it. If agitation or striving arises, note it and then go back to the neutral stimulus. The same goes for dullness. Note the dullness and go back to the neutral stimulus. This is what works for me.

Again, I hope I'm not just bombarding you with another tip. Take it or leave it. But I really want to see you do well. You've come so far, and you're almost there. Keep it up, Tomo!

~Jackson

Jackson's post seems right on the money...

""I think I am getting sidetracked by some of the stuff I read here, like fluttering eyes, focusing on third eye, crown chakra energy, etc., and have officially lost my way." ~Tomo

You haven't lost your way. Regression is out of the question.

I know you're sick of hearing tips regarding what to do in the Equanimity ñana, but I've actually been thinking about this a lot lately and playing with different approaches. The two ingredients needed are mindful attention and non-striving.

If we get up to equanimity, and just chill out, it's easy to lose our mindful attention.

If we get up to equanimity and keep our mindful attention, but strive to find some kind of door to enter through, or to see things in some special way, we lose our non-striving quality.

For me, there is a simple solution. Keep track of a neutral stimulus - something you don't get excited about. What works best for me is the rise and fall of my abdomen. If I'm keeping tracking of "rising, falling" then mindful attention is there. If the stimulus is neutral, I'm not going to strive after it and get agitated. It's a win-win.

Find a neutral stimulus and stick with it. If agitation or striving arises, note it and then go back to the neutral stimulus. The same goes for dullness. Note the dullness and go back to the neutral stimulus. This is what works for me.

Again, I hope I'm not just bombarding you with another tip. Take it or leave it. But I really want to see you do well. You've come so far, and you're almost there. Keep it up, Tomo!

~Jackson"

THAT is good advice.

"I don't think it is allowed in the rules to third what you've already firsted even if the first was done by proxy. "-telecaster

I was wondering that myself as I posted it; then I noticed the circularity of the whole thing and had a huge, revelatory insight about the Wheel of the Dhamma.

"You've come so far, and you're almost there. Keep it up, Tomo!"-awouldbehipster

Right!

""I don't think it is allowed in the rules to third what you've already firsted even if the first was done by proxy. "-telecaster

I was wondering that myself as I posted it; then I noticed the circularity of the whole thing and had a huge, revelatory insight about the Wheel of the Dhamma.

"You've come so far, and you're almost there. Keep it up, Tomo!"-awouldbehipster

Right!"

There is a guy in West Modesto who installed four wheels of dhamma on his '78 Monte Carlo.
Problem is, he can't get the sucker to start.

"If we get up to equanimity, and just chill out, it's easy to lose our mindful attention.

If we get up to equanimity and keep our mindful attention, but strive to find some kind of door to enter through, or to see things in some special way, we lose our non-striving quality.
"

Definitely guilty on both counts. Thanks again for all the encouragement everyone. As I said to a friend, this whole process is extremely simple, and exceedingly difficult.

45m sit this afternoon. Alert despite the red-eye. Simply noted breath, very focused through to equanimity, then more lightly once there. As breath slowed, tried to note *one thing* in each phase or, failing that, *one thing* in the longer rest phase between breaths. Not looking for doors to doors to doors, but none dropped in my lap either. Given how striving was really borking things for me, I guess I have to be ok with that.

I did notice at one point a fairly strong "watcher" sense, seeing "it" sit for several minutes.

Also, I am noticing recently how time is really slowing down. When you are present for each moment (more or less) the number of moments in 45m seems like an eternity. I recall Shinzen Young talking about this in The Science of Enlightenment (strongly recommended, by the way).

"45m sit this afternoon. Alert despite the red-eye. Simply noted breath, very focused through to equanimity, then more lightly once there. As breath slowed, tried to note *one thing* in each phase or, failing that, *one thing* in the longer rest phase between breaths. Not looking for doors to doors to doors, but none dropped in my lap either. Given how striving was really borking things for me, I guess I have to be ok with that.

I did notice at one point a fairly strong "watcher" sense, seeing "it" sit for several minutes.

Also, I am noticing recently how time is really slowing down. When you are present for each moment (more or less) the number of moments in 45m seems like an eternity. I recall Shinzen Young talking about this in The Science of Enlightenment (strongly recommended, by the way)."

sounds right
when I was getting there my only notes were rising, falling, stopping and I just "noticed" everything within those breathe phases without a "note" -- and that is when I really started seeing some stuff

"sounds right
when I was getting there my only notes were rising, falling, stopping and I just "noticed" everything within those breathe phases without a "note" -- and that is when I really started seeing some stuff"

My challenge, clearly, is to keep from looking for those freaking doors!

"My challenge, clearly, is to keep from looking for those freaking doors!"

Right, there actually aren't any f'ing doors, just the regular stuff that keeps arising, no big deal

"Right, there actually aren't any f'ing doors, just the regular stuff that keeps arising, no big deal."-telecaster

Bingo.

Bingo, yes.

But this makes me wonder why folks, even here, perpetuate these terms that are... MISLEADING!

"
Bingo, yes.

But this makes me wonder why folks, even here, perpetuate these terms that are... MISLEADING!

"

MCTB, the three doors. Kenneth often quoting Bill Hamilton about the door to the door to the door. So the door analogy runs in high circles. Kenneth, do you want to maybe elaborate on how useful it is, in practice, and how we might reconcile "bingo" with past door references?

"MCTB, the three doors. Kenneth often quoting Bill Hamilton about the door to the door to the door. So the door analogy runs in high circles. Kenneth, do you want to maybe elaborate on how useful it is, in practice, and how we might reconcile "bingo" with past door references? "

I'm not Kenneth but I'll go first:
The door to the door to the door just means attention to whatever is arising at each moment is the only place to find insight. The door is just a metaphor of course.
So, if one is looking for some special sign or "door" to path and fruition that is specific and magic somehow and different from just WHATEVER is arising -- you will never ever ever find it and will be wasting valuable time.

I realize that I didn't address the MCTB "three doors" concept. Sorry -- I''m clueless on that. It hasn't been a factor in my practice yet. Hopefully Kenneth can help.

Missed a couple of days, but last night sat for 30m where, for the most part, I was very much "inside my head". Very little body sensations, just pressures and surges inside my skull and on my scalp. Very little in the way of distracting thoughts. Just sitting, as they say.

This morning...meh. Much more body-aware. Breathing a little constricted, eventually got to an A&P surge but was interrupted by a phone call about 20m in so things did not really advance much from there. Planning thoughts did take me away a few times, at which point I brought myself home by focusing on my abdominal rising/falling. A nod to hipster, there.

Thanks, was wondering about that spoon that there isn't
I wish the F you had more time to sit.
Did you ever get any answer about the MCTB "three doors?" to fruition? I've thought about it alot since saturday and read the passages again and, again, it is so confusing.

"Thanks, was wondering about that spoon that there isn't
I wish the F you had more time to sit.
Did you ever get any answer about the MCTB "three doors?" to fruition? I've thought about it alot since saturday and read the passages again and, again, it is so confusing.
"

So, Mike Monson is a pseudonym and you are really Jack Nicholson!

Re. the doors, Kenneth and I talked about that today and his take (paraphrasing) is that they are an after-the-fact overlay of the three different types of fruitions on the three characteristics. Bottom line is that they are not useful post-SE, and pre-SE they are downright misleading. There ain't no doors.

Prior to our talk, I had another 30m where I was more focused and was able to enter and stay in equanimity a good part of the time. Just hung out, looking around.

"So, Mike Monson is a pseudonym and you are really Jack Nicholson!

"

Because of the "F" ?? I hope that's okay. I do love to swear even in initials.

One of the stranger things I've started doing in my awesome moods lately is walk around the house singing made up songs. One of my favorite things to do lately is create songs that are only comprised of "bad" words.

Now, back to spoons being not there

I'm glad there aren't any doors.

"Because of the "F" ?? I hope that's okay. I do love to swear even in initials. "

No way, brother! The new profile pic, looks like a cross between Jack Nicholson ("you can't handle the truth!") and Chuck Jackson, the front guy for the Downchild Blues Band.

As to doors, spent the last 60m sitting (in a chair, for a change) working with something Kenneth helped me with today, focusing on the subtle strobing and vibrations in the visual/mental space while hanging out in equanimity. Possibly related, I notice that now I can see, with my eyes open and looking upwards (in a zombie kind of way) or to the extreme left or right, vibrations around the edges.

Ripening.