Pablo P. Practice Journal

"PabloP":2oloog89 wrote: Thank you very much Kenneth for all this help! Crystal clear instructions! I'll start tomorrow with the single parameter evaluation.[/quote:2oloog89]

Fantastic. Looking forward to your next report.

[b:1d0yr7hj]Date:[/b:1d0yr7hj] 03/18/2013
[b:1d0yr7hj]Pre-Meditative Context:[/b:1d0yr7hj] 10' stretching and Qigong. Even though it was a long and busy day with little and sparse sleep, I was anxious to start the new aversion noting practice.
[b:1d0yr7hj]Length of Sits:[/b:1d0yr7hj] 50' in the evening
[b:1d0yr7hj]Posture:[/b:1d0yr7hj] half-lotus
[b:1d0yr7hj]Cutting Edge Insight Stage of the Session:[/b:1d0yr7hj] Low EQ
[b:1d0yr7hj]Meditative Techniques Utilized:[/b:1d0yr7hj] noting physical sensations first out loud and later silently, next aversion parameter evaluation.
[b:1d0yr7hj]General Thoughts:[/b:1d0yr7hj]
* aversion tends to grow before it subsides.
* when noting aversion in the head, it usually expands to other areas of the front and sides of the head, not the back
* when noting aversion in other body part (eg. legs), aversion is noted too in the face and skull
* if when noting aversion, thoughts arise (analyzing, reporting, fantasies), then aversion grows.
* If aversion subsided in one place, it grew in another, usually next to it. If the were a compounded aversion (eg. legs + skull), it subsided in both places at the same time. It's the broader awareness that trigger the passing of aversion.
[b:1d0yr7hj]What worked, what didn't:[/b:1d0yr7hj] I was able to put into practice the parameter evaluation, but couldn't reach aversion-0, to explore what happens there.
[b:1d0yr7hj]Aversion baseline:[/b:1d0yr7hj] 3 , low point: 1, high point: 4
[b:1d0yr7hj]Noting Dynamics:[/b:1d0yr7hj] Noted vibrations in the lower torso, ticklings in the face and some tightness and tensions in the face and skull at the beginning. Also vibrations and warmth in the Brow Chakra. There weren't any tightness and contractions in the chest and throat, that certainly show up when I have very busy days. Noted out loud body sensations not very fast, one every 3-5 seconds. I hurried the pace for some minutes but later went back to cruiser mode. I noted that out loud noting was being harsh on me, my voice triggering spams and stings in the belly. When I switched to silent noting I noted an immediate relief. Body sensations were scarce and sight wider. After a few minutes I introduced the aversion parameter evaluation.

Noted aversion in the eyeball area, that spread to the temples. It's pattern was a3-a4-spread to temples a4-a4-a3-a2. After, there were a couple of rounds with this same pattern. Also, there were times when instead of contraction at the temples, there was a big hot balloon growing in the chest-head. These times aversion lasted longer before fading. Aversion in one place couldn't go below a1~a2 as then aversion grew stronger (a3) in another place, catching all attention. The was another pattern though, when I noted aversion arise and beginning to pass 3-4-4-3-2, when thoughts came in and trigger an a3 in the head. A significant a4 was a fear-related fantasy. I noticed expectation at a1~a2 level, which did trigger thoughts. When aversion was noted in two places at a time (one triggered by the other), aversion subsided to a1~a2 level simultaneously, after I broaden awareness to both but with some inclination towards head tensions. At the end I switched attention to the eyeballs, as it has been productive in past sessions, showing how short relief is (a1~a2), as there's a high aversion baseline (a3).
[b:1d0yr7hj]Goal for Next Session:[/b:1d0yr7hj] Keep exploring the aversion parameter evaluation.

[b:3l4kb2ja]Date:[/b:3l4kb2ja] 03/19/2013
[b:3l4kb2ja]Pre-Meditative Context:[/b:3l4kb2ja] 15' stretching and Qigong. While practicing, noted cool flow running down from hips to legs, and vibrations at the upper torso.
[b:3l4kb2ja]Length of Sits:[/b:3l4kb2ja] 60' in the evening
[b:3l4kb2ja]Posture:[/b:3l4kb2ja] half-lotus
[b:3l4kb2ja]Cutting Edge Insight Stage of the Session:[/b:3l4kb2ja] Low EQ
[b:3l4kb2ja]Meditative Techniques Utilized:[/b:3l4kb2ja] noting physical sensations first out loud and later silently, next aversion parameter evaluation.
[b:3l4kb2ja]General Thoughts: [/b:3l4kb2ja]
* the real problem is aversion to aversion, and trying to escape from it by refocusing attention somewhere else or trying to dissolve it into tinier pieces. Instead, this time when noted aversion I kept there no matter what. And given some time, aversion lessen from level 3 to level 2 or 1.
* when noting aversion in the head, a few times noted aversion in the hands too (not only in the head as yesterday).
[b:3l4kb2ja]What worked, what didn't:[/b:3l4kb2ja] I was able to stay put and really let the aversion pass away (lessen) but when being in level 1 anxiety grew, kicking me out to level 3 again.
[b:3l4kb2ja]Aversion baseline: [/b:3l4kb2ja] level 3 , lowest point: level 1, highest point: level 3
[b:3l4kb2ja]Noting Dynamics:[/b:3l4kb2ja] Despite having felt vibrations and cool sensations in hips and legs during Qigong, when I sat on the zafu those sensations were gone. Instead, there were tightness and tensions in the head, arms and belly. And soon noted the hot balloon in the torso, like yesterday. I checked my posture and after correcting the lumbar curve and some displacement to the left, a cooling and bubbling sensation run up from the upper torso almost to the top of the head. This coolness stayed for at least half the session. ( [i:3l4kb2ja][u:3l4kb2ja]Added:[/u:3l4kb2ja] There were some coolness in the chest too, but it was rather faint. Nevertheless, the surprise is that there were no tightness and tension in the chest and throat.[/i:3l4kb2ja] ) Later, noted some tightness and pressure in the Crown Chakra. Today, body sensations were noted at one per 3-5 seconds. I didn't hurry the pace and did the noting whispering.

When I switched to (silent) aversion parameter evaluation, the baseline was level 3, but never grew to 4. Instead, the aversion L3 was jumping from one place to another. After some time, I noted that there's a mental component of aversion which triggers me off it, to chase another aversion somewhere else. It's like "aversion to aversion". So, instead I stayed with the aversion level 3 without trying to comprehend/analyze it, or trying to dissolve it into tinier pieces. Just kept there, like "surrendering" to aversion, but without the immediate relief. Not long after, aversion went down to level 2. So I reflected that I was camouflaging anxiety by trying to do something with the thing that triggered aversion. By the way, there were lots of analyzing/reporting thoughts during the session. I didn't fight it as I'm starting out with the new practice. I could every now and then note some thoughts and sounds as not-mine, but the focus was on aversion.

Happily, I stayed many times long enough on level 2, and in a few of them went down to level 1. At level 1, I couldn't stay long. The time I stayed longer I noticed that still there's some global tension that triggered aversion. Another time, there were some pre-jhana circling lights showing up and anxiety/anticipation grew so I was kicked out to level 2/3 again.
[b:3l4kb2ja]Goal for Next Session: [/b:3l4kb2ja]Keep exploring the aversion parameter evaluation.

[b:je0tuzdp]Date: [/b:je0tuzdp]03/20/2013
[b:je0tuzdp]Pre-Meditative Context:[/b:je0tuzdp] yesterday I had only 5 hours of rest in the last 24 hours
[b:je0tuzdp]Length of Sits:[/b:je0tuzdp] 30' in the evening
[b:je0tuzdp]Posture:[/b:je0tuzdp] half-lotus
[b:je0tuzdp]Cutting Edge Insight Stage of the Session:[/b:je0tuzdp] Low EQ
[b:je0tuzdp]Meditative Techniques Utilized:[/b:je0tuzdp] noting physical sensations first out loud and later silently, next aversion parameter evaluation.
[b:je0tuzdp]General Thoughts: [/b:je0tuzdp]
* despite being exhausted, I just sat for 30 minutes not to loose consistency. I was expecting a bad session, but it turned out to be an interesting one.
* I noticed that aversion is a function of a sense of solidity. The lower the former, the lower is the later.
[b:je0tuzdp]What worked, what didn't:[/b:je0tuzdp] after the session I win back a good mood.
[b:je0tuzdp]Aversion baseline:[/b:je0tuzdp] 3 , low point: 1, high point: 3
[b:je0tuzdp]Noting Dynamics:[/b:je0tuzdp] Noted vibrations at the torso, some stings and tightness in the head, warmth in the hands. Then hot in the upper torso and head. At around the 5' mark, the hot balloon went away and a pleasant coolness was noted in the dantien, which stay all the session. I switched to silent noting to deepen the awareness of subtle sensations. After some time, a hot sensation was noted at the dantien. The dantien was hot in the center and cool in the periphery. I checked other parts of the body, and noted some subtle cool sensations in the chest and Brow Chakra.

When I switched to aversion parameter evaluation, the baseline was level 3, never grew to 4, and a few times went down to leve 1. I noted aversion 2 in the cool dantien, which stayed pretty the same during the session. When noted aversion somewhere else, like the eyeballs, I stayed there surrendering until the it went down from 3 to 2 to 1. I noticed that in level 2 and 1 there is a lighter sense of solidity. That is, the perception of solidity vanishes with lower aversion, hand in hand.
[b:je0tuzdp]Goal for Next Session:[/b:je0tuzdp] Keep exploring the aversion parameter evaluation.

[b:2lxrrsj3]Date:[/b:2lxrrsj3] 03/21/2013
[b:2lxrrsj3]Pre-Meditative Context:[/b:2lxrrsj3] another 5 hours sleep today. Did 5' stretching and Qigong. Noted coolness in the dantien (first time in a moving meditation).
[b:2lxrrsj3]Length of Sits:[/b:2lxrrsj3] 50' in the evening
[b:2lxrrsj3]Posture:[/b:2lxrrsj3] half-lotus
[b:2lxrrsj3]Cutting Edge Insight Stage of the Session:[/b:2lxrrsj3] Low EQ
[b:2lxrrsj3]Meditative Techniques Utilized:[/b:2lxrrsj3] noting physical sensations first out loud and later silently, next aversion parameter evaluation.
[b:2lxrrsj3]General Thoughts: [/b:2lxrrsj3]
* Tonight I jumped to early into aversion noting, not giving enough time to run through ñanas noting physical sensations. The interesting thing is that I could see how ñanas are shown through aversion.
[b:2lxrrsj3]What worked, what didn't:[/b:2lxrrsj3] .........................
[b:2lxrrsj3]Aversion baseline:[/b:2lxrrsj3] 2~3 , low point: 1, high point: 4
[b:2lxrrsj3]Noting Dynamics:[/b:2lxrrsj3] Started with tightness in the chest, but it wasn't painful. Shortly after, it vibrated (on the edges). Next, vibrations at the lower torso, with occasional stings, spams and tightness too. This time, there was no hot expansive sensations anywhere. Instead, coolness showed up in the dantien and inner thighs. Then, noted coolness in the Brow Chakra, and warmth in the chest. It was funny that I could note coolness high and low, but with warmth in the middle.

I switched to aversion parameter evaluation. This time, there were no contractions whatsoever in the eyeballs, something that rarely happens. Noted aversion 2, which stay for a while until some thoughts kicked me out to level 3. Next, there was a very unpleasant sensations, like wanting to throw up, that run from the lower dantien up to the face. Noted aversion 4. Still, noted it as something curious, and reflected that I was walking through dukka ñanas with this aversion noting practice. Then, there were contradicting sensations, with aversion 3 in the center of the chest and aversion 2 in the periphery. Later, I could note in slow motion how a sneeze was building up. Let it do its thing, noted aversion 3 and stay watching if it could be avoided, soon after I sneezed big, which felt like relief (wouldn't know how to note it as a level of aversion).

[b:2lxrrsj3]Goal for Next Session:[/b:2lxrrsj3] Keep exploring the aversion parameter evaluation.

I've been moving to my new apartment. Soon I'll restart with the practice.

Moving can be great practice. <!-- s:evil: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_evil.gif" alt="" title="Evil or Very Mad" /><!-- s:evil: -->

Aversion in full display. Practicing surrender to a 3 day long move. <!-- s:D --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_biggrin.gif" alt="" title="Very Happy" /><!-- s:D -->

&quot;PabloP&quot;:3ph69foj wrote: Aversion in full display. Practicing surrender to a 3 day long move. <!-- s:D --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_biggrin.gif" alt="" title="Very Happy" /><!-- s:D -->[/quote:3ph69foj]

Ohh yeah!

[b:303klapt]Date:[/b:303klapt] 03/27/2013
[b:303klapt]Pre-Meditative Context:[/b:303klapt] I finally ended moving my stuff to the new flat. There's more noice here (a busy street full of cars and buses) but al least there isn't a water bomb and a air-compressor right behind me.
[b:303klapt]Length of Sits:[/b:303klapt] 55' in the evening
[b:303klapt]Posture:[/b:303klapt] half-lotus
[b:303klapt]Cutting Edge Insight Stage of the Session:[/b:303klapt] Low EQ
[b:303klapt]Meditative Techniques Utilized:[/b:303klapt] (sparse) silent noting and then (sparse) aversion parameter evaluation.
[b:303klapt]General Thoughts: [/b:303klapt]
* Despite having to stop the practice for almost a week, the cool sensations seems to keep spreading through the legs and the front line (head-torso).
* Many times I noticed that with that coolness context, when I got engaged in mental chatter my face turns hot. Before, it was happening in a broader space (chest and head).
* Coolness rank low in the Aversion-meter, but it triggers expectation/anticipation. Probably it's just a mater of time until I get use to it.
[b:303klapt]What worked, what didn't:[/b:303klapt] n/a
[b:303klapt]Aversion baseline:[/b:303klapt] 3 , low point: 2, high point: 4
[b:303klapt]Noting Dynamics:[/b:303klapt] Noted hot and cool sensations in the torso and head. No vibrations then. Changed the posture to correct a bent lower back and lateral imbalance of shoulders. Soon coolness started to flow from dantien to inner thighs. Later it will reach the feet, something that never happened before in a sit. Noted discomfort in my throat, which hadn't showed up since early March. When focusing the attention there, it started to vibrate and ultimately vanished or went thin enough that other sensation won my attention.

When I focus the attention in the skull, almost inmediatelly there's some stretching, Crown &amp; Brow Chakra activation and warmth/cool flow. Tonight I changed the attention to the top of the spine, when it connects to the skull, that is the opposite of the Brow Chakra. Noted coolness in both opposite places and some flow in the skull. But soon after there was some uneasiness (like nausea) in the chest. It happened twice during the session, so I reflected that there's some connection and not just some random sensation.

Later I switched to aversion parameter evaluation. It wasn't a very strict practice, just tried to get back to the job. The general level was aversion 3. There were some surrendering/diving moments to aversion 1~2 but soon after aversion/fear brought me back to aversion 3. In general, going down one level happens when there's a whole body-mind awareness, that is to say, when the focus isn't narrow but broad.

[b:303klapt]Goal for Next Session:[/b:303klapt] Keep exploring the aversion parameter evaluation, and relate coolness with aversion and expectation.

Date: 03/30/2013
Pre-Meditative Context: help today a friend with his move to another flat (I'm becoming an expert ) so I had some minor aches in the lower ribs.
Length of Sits: 2 x 45' in the afternoon
Posture: half-lotus
Cutting Edge Insight Stage of the Session: Low EQ
Meditative Techniques Utilized: first session just choiceless awareness; second session noting out loud physical sensations, then silently feeling-tones and thoughts, and finally aversion parameter evaluation (APE).
General Thoughts:
* Coolness keeps spreading and easily shows up and flow down from the top of the head. Minor uneasiness in the chest. No problem in the throat.
* Thoughts (which are noted as not-self) arise mostly at the beginning of the in-breath, and occasionally in the out-breath.
* A couple of times spotted aversion 0 in a narrow focus, which triggered spaciousness and calmness. Just a few seconds latter, aversion grew on a general whole-body basis.
* In between sessions, lying in bed I noticed that (pre-Jhana) tension arises on its own, with no aversion triggering it.
What worked, what didn't: it has worked to change from a broad to a narrow focus in APE. This is the first time I did two sessions in a row.
Aversion baseline: 3 , low point: 0, high point: 4
Noting Dynamics: In the first session I just corrected the body, did a few notes on physical sensations but just watched thoughts and physical sensations, in particular how coolness spreads on its own but is also responsive to will. What was interesting is that I could see the pattern of thoughts arising with the breath cycle. Mostly appeared in the beginning of the in-breath and only a few in the out-breath.

In the second session, started noting warmth and hotness in the arms and torso, stings in the lower ribs, coolness in the dantien and down from the crown to the brow chakra (later felt too in the opposite point of brow chakra). Then vibrations set in, but just little. With no Qigong practice for over a week, the big vibrations went down, but little ones still spreading from the lower torso to the arms. Later switched to feeling-tones noting, all of them related to physical sensations. Then, focused in APE. Aversion baseline was 3. I narrow the aversion focus into specific physical sensations. They went down from 3 to 2 or 1. Sometimes, after vibrating they disappeared. A couple of times it went down to aversion 0, and there was a sense of spaciousness and calmness. Just watching with no intention. The first time it lasted longer (~10-15 seconds) the second just a few seconds.

Goal for Next Session: Keep exploring the APE, and relate coolness with aversion and expectation. Note feeling-tones before APE, and link them to thoughts.

[b:3g6d3h5c]Date:[/b:3g6d3h5c] 04/01/2013
[b:3g6d3h5c]Pre-Meditative Context:[/b:3g6d3h5c] yesterday I had a headache so I skipped the practice. Today I tried Justin's Mind Blown app for a few minutes and then use it in my first sit. 15 minutes stretching and Qigong (which I needed). Just before sitting, I had fearful fantasies to other stuff (which I noted as aversion to sit).
[b:3g6d3h5c]Length of Sits:[/b:3g6d3h5c] 45' and 30' in the afternoon
[b:3g6d3h5c]Posture:[/b:3g6d3h5c] half-lotus
[b:3g6d3h5c]Cutting Edge Insight Stage of the Session: [/b:3g6d3h5c]Low EQ
[b:3g6d3h5c]Meditative Techniques Utilized:[/b:3g6d3h5c] first session I noted with the app for 24 minutes and the rest was choice-less awareness; second session noting out loud physical sensations, then silently feeling-tones and thoughts, and briefly APE.
[b:3g6d3h5c]General Thoughts: [/b:3g6d3h5c]
* Even though I know I'm noting more than one sensation per second and perhaps on average one ever 1.5 seconds, with the app I get to know that the gap is 3.5 seconds !!!
* Today it was hard work to climb past DÑ.
[b:3g6d3h5c]What worked, what didn't:[/b:3g6d3h5c] Able to do two sessions in a row, and against all odds tap Low EQ.
[b:3g6d3h5c]Aversion baseline:[/b:3g6d3h5c] 3 , low point: 0, high point: 4
[b:3g6d3h5c]Noting Dynamics:[/b:3g6d3h5c] In the first session, with the app I noted mainly physical sensations. Noted lots of tightness, itches, heat, tension. Then, some coolness in the dantien and mingmen and later vibrations in the column and arms. There were some pressure in the crown, not pleasurable but painless. When I switched to choice-less awareness (app off), I noted lots of proto-thoughts and noted them as not-self. Some discomfort in the chest, tightness in the temples and the throat. Nothing serious but persistent. Then there was coolness in the lower and high abdomen, the top of the head and some mix sensations in the chest (uneasiness and coolness), but had hot temperature in the face, specially when some thoughts were doing its things. Briefly noted calmness and spaciousness at the end of the session.

In the second session, the coolness was already present and the uneasiness in the chest too. It kept there for long, adding discomfort in the throat and some light tensions in the head. When noting feeling-tones, most were unpleasant or neutral. Relief (vanishing) was the only pleasant sensations. At some point of time there was coolness running up from the neck almost to the Crown. I tried to call the opening of the Crown Chakra. A few seconds later it open, and some cool sensations (mixed with unpleasant things and warmer sensations) flew down to the Brow Chakra. Noted again coolness in the lower and upper torso and the top of the head, but heat in the face. I did very little APE noting, but the general baseline was 3. I noted the vibrations in column from the neck upwards. After a minute or so, aversion 3 went down to zero. I proceed to note the same at the top of the column, and it was more difficult but finally the vibrations vanished. I ended the session shortly after, as the leg was giving pain, and there is much more harder to let go.
[b:3g6d3h5c]Goal for Next Session:[/b:3g6d3h5c] Keep exploring the APE, and relate coolness with aversion and expectation. Note feeling-tones before APE, and link them to thoughts.

[b:14giywwv]Date: [/b:14giywwv]04/02/2013
[b:14giywwv]Pre-Meditative Context:[/b:14giywwv] 15' of stretching and Qigong.
[b:14giywwv]Length of Sits:[/b:14giywwv] 45' in the evening
[b:14giywwv]Posture:[/b:14giywwv] half-lotus
[b:14giywwv]Cutting Edge Insight Stage of the Session:[/b:14giywwv] Low EQ
[b:14giywwv]Meditative Techniques Utilized: [/b:14giywwv]20' noting with the app, then physical sensations noting silently, added later feeling-tones, and briefly APE.
[b:14giywwv]General Thoughts: [/b:14giywwv]
* Tried again timing the seconds per note gap, and it's 1.7, much what I've previously thought. I'll check for some days more, to be sure I'm not spacing out too much.
* Reached Low EQ faster this time, while noting with the app.
* When reaching aversion zero (it's coming faster), spaciousness and coolness spread.
What worked, what didn't: n/a
[b:14giywwv]Aversion baseline:[/b:14giywwv] 3 , low point: 0, high point: 3
[b:14giywwv]Noting Dynamics:[/b:14giywwv] I'll have to change the method and take some written notes after the session, because I cannot accurately recall the dynamics of the session. When noting with the app I was much more concentrated, and only a few thoughts did arise. Went through the A&amp;P stuff, mild DÑ signs (some uneasiness in the chest and upper back). Had coolness spread in the front and back, up the spine, down to the Brow Chakra, and down the abdomen. Noted pleasant cool sensations in the dantien. When doing the APE stuff, at aversion zero the narrow sensation spotted finally vanished and displayed spaciousness and cool sensations.
[b:14giywwv]Goal for Next Session:[/b:14giywwv] Do the aversion noting seriously for 20 minutes or more, don't hang up too much exploring the cool sensations.

[b:29i40r83]Date:[/b:29i40r83] 04/04/2013
[b:29i40r83]Pre-Meditative Context:[/b:29i40r83] runny nose, overwhelmed by the new tasks at the 14 hours long daily job
[b:29i40r83]Length of Sits:[/b:29i40r83] 45' in the evening
[b:29i40r83]Posture: [/b:29i40r83]half-lotus
[b:29i40r83]Cutting Edge Insight Stage of the Session: [/b:29i40r83]Low EQ
[b:29i40r83]Meditative Techniques Utilized:[/b:29i40r83] 10' noting with the app, then physical sensations noting silently, added briefly feeling-tones, and then APE.
[b:29i40r83]General Thoughts: [/b:29i40r83]
* Reached Low EQ while noting with the app.
* When reaching aversion zero, things vanished, but when I tried to broaden the area of attention, when the aversion vanished in the new spot, the aversion surfaced again in the older spot.
* Mix flows of heat and coolness in the dantien. Coolness only in the Third Eye.
* There's a position of the eyes (up and somewhere to the right) where there's a general sense of aversion zero.
[b:29i40r83]What worked, what didn't: [/b:29i40r83]it stroke me how near Low EQ was, despite having little concentration due to the running nose.
[b:29i40r83]Aversion baseline: [/b:29i40r83]3 , low point: 0, high point: 3
[b:29i40r83]Noting Dynamics:[/b:29i40r83] Noted fast, silently physical sensations for 10 minutes. Without my Qigong practice, vibrations came in late. There were a few tensions in the eyeballs and twitches in the face, but no problems in the throat or chest. Spaciousness settled in even while noting fast, which surprised me, and usually I had to take a lay back position for it to happen. Next, did a few feeling-tones notes and then started with APE. Even with poor concentration, tensions vanished when reaching aversion zero. I tried to apply it to leg pain with mixed results (aversion 2 was the lowest point), and to coolness/heat in the dantien with no results. Noted that there is a position of the eyes (up and somewhere to the right) where there's a general sense of aversion zero.
[b:29i40r83]Goal for Next Session: [/b:29i40r83]Explore this eyes position.

[b:h8vez9go]Date:[/b:h8vez9go] 04/05/2013
[b:h8vez9go]Pre-Meditative Context: [/b:h8vez9go]n/a
[b:h8vez9go]Length of Sits:[/b:h8vez9go] 30' in the evening
[b:h8vez9go]Posture:[/b:h8vez9go] half-lotus
[b:h8vez9go]Cutting Edge Insight Stage of the Session:[/b:h8vez9go] DÑ / Low EQ
[b:h8vez9go]Meditative Techniques Utilized:[/b:h8vez9go] 10' noting with the app, 20' noting silently the 4F plus APE.
[b:h8vez9go]General Thoughts: [/b:h8vez9go]
* Finally the tension &amp; discomfort in the solar plexus appeared, which I was expecting as it has been a problem spotted long ago in Taichi. Heat and coolness in one spot. Cool inside, heat outside.
* When reaching aversion zero, spaciousness happens but next builds up expectation which tense up in the jaw and the crown.
* What I found is that if penetrating the object of observation, the thing vanishes but there's left some tension, that quickly builds up somewhere near. Instead, if I &quot;touch&quot; lightly the object, the aversion goes down to zero. This is related with what I wrote in the previous report about the eyes staring upwards and to the side.
[b:h8vez9go]Aversion baseline: [/b:h8vez9go]3 , low point: 0, high point: 3
[b:h8vez9go]Noting Dynamics:[/b:h8vez9go] n/a
[b:h8vez9go]Goal for Next Session:[/b:h8vez9go] n/a.

[b:3nb352l4]Date:[/b:3nb352l4] 04/08/2013
[b:3nb352l4]Pre-Meditative Context: [/b:3nb352l4]I was experimenting a mild DÑ throughout the past 7-10 days off-cushion, but when on meditation the symptoms were even fewer, and I was able to reach Low EQ, meaning calmness and spaciousness, coupled with intermittent discomfort in throat, chest and skull. As I'm no expert, it was not easy to know if what I was experimenting off-cushion was DÑ, as I was struggling with daily life problems (new +12 hours long job with only 3-4hs sleep before working, just moved to a new home, and domestic issues). I was expecting for DÑ some nightmares or throwing-up off cushion, or lots of strange images on-cushion. But none of them happen. Instead, there was only irritation, headaches at the evening and lots of aversion thoughts or melodies in my head (which usually are my daily &quot;jhanas&quot; as I'm an amateur musician, but lately they were invasive, like thought-looping). Last Sunday, it was the peak of DÑ and ended with a lovers' quarrel. Paradoxically, on Monday I woke up fresh, with a clean mind, and no headaches.

But DÑ isn't totally over. Today, I woke up from the nap in what looks like 3rd Jhana, with a growing display of dark-colored tibetan-arabic patterns moving in 2D/3D. In the past few days, I had some similar patterns but with luminous whitish colors.

[b:3nb352l4]Length of Sits:[/b:3nb352l4] 45' in the evening
[b:3nb352l4]Posture:[/b:3nb352l4] half-lotus
[b:3nb352l4]Cutting Edge Insight Stage of the Session:[/b:3nb352l4] briefly Low EQ
[b:3nb352l4]Meditative Techniques Utilized:[/b:3nb352l4] 10' noting with the app, 35' noting silently the 4FN plus APE.
[b:3nb352l4]General Thoughts: [/b:3nb352l4]
* There's still some DÑ discomfort in the chest, but coupled with coolness flowing down to the dantien. This time there was no coolness in the Crown and Brow Chakras.
[b:3nb352l4]Aversion baseline:[/b:3nb352l4] 3 , low point: 0, high point: 4
[b:3nb352l4]Noting Dynamics:[/b:3nb352l4] Before the meditation did 15' of stretching and Qigong. Nevertheless, when sitted I didn't start in A&amp;P as usual but in the 3C's, with some twitches, stings and correcting posture. After 10' I was noting vibrations and coolness in the dantien and mingmen. Noted also lots of reporting thoughts and also proto-thoughts. When left behind the app, and started to note feeling-tones, there were a couple of fear thoughts and images, and throat vibrations. Then there were coolness flowing down from the throat to the chest and to the dantien. No coolness in the skull this time. The APE noting sucked, was not able to do much despite giving it more time of the sit, but at least there were one time reaching aversion zero, sinking into a spacious darkness.
[b:3nb352l4]Goal for Next Session:[/b:3nb352l4] Resume the daily practice and reporting.

[b:3rlzvwvo]Date:[/b:3rlzvwvo] 04/10/2013
[b:3rlzvwvo]Pre-Meditative Context:[/b:3rlzvwvo] When laying down in bed, I had a samatha experience, still being able to do some noting (I tried it on purpose) and not disturb by outward noise. I felt descending below my body, which correlated with eyes sight going higher.
[b:3rlzvwvo]Length of Sits:[/b:3rlzvwvo] first 40', second 25' in the evening
[b:3rlzvwvo]Posture:[/b:3rlzvwvo] half-lotus
[b:3rlzvwvo]Cutting Edge Insight Stage of the Session:[/b:3rlzvwvo] A&amp;P
[b:3rlzvwvo]Meditative Techniques Utilized:[/b:3rlzvwvo] First sit: 10' physical sensations silent noting with the app, 35' noting silently the 4FN plus APE. Second sit: feeling-tones silent noting, general out-loud noting, choiceless awareness.
[b:3rlzvwvo]General Thoughts: [/b:3rlzvwvo]
* Getting back to the beginning. Vibrations were the cutting edge of the meditation. No coolness but warmth. Lots of thoughts (though proto-thoughts noted as not-self), many of the reporting ones. I switched to out-loud noting as nothing was working, even though I'm not feeling tired, irritation was gone, and had a satisfactory day-job.
[b:3rlzvwvo]Aversion baseline:[/b:3rlzvwvo] n/a
[b:3rlzvwvo]Noting Dynamics:[/b:3rlzvwvo] not relevant
[b:3rlzvwvo]Goal for Next Session:[/b:3rlzvwvo] Do some days of out-loud noting to get back on track.

[b:2pkdwpf6]Date:[/b:2pkdwpf6] 04/12-04/13-04/14
[b:2pkdwpf6]Pre-Meditative Context:[/b:2pkdwpf6] 10' stretching and Qigong. Went to zafu with vibrations on torso and limbs
[b:2pkdwpf6]Length of Sits:[/b:2pkdwpf6] 35', 30', 35'
[b:2pkdwpf6]Posture:[/b:2pkdwpf6] half-lotus
[b:2pkdwpf6]Cutting Edge Insight Stage of the Session:[/b:2pkdwpf6] DÑ
[b:2pkdwpf6]Meditative Techniques Utilized:[/b:2pkdwpf6] 10' physical sensations silent noting with the app, rest of time noting out-loud or silently whichever was best for the situation. Added some feeling-tones silent noting and APE.
[b:2pkdwpf6]General Thoughts: [/b:2pkdwpf6]
* Unempowering thoughts because of sliding-back
* Sweet taste below the tip of the tongue in the three sessions
* Sometimes the Crown Chakra opens, but instead of coolness, warmth flows down to the Brow Chakra
[b:2pkdwpf6]Aversion baseline:[/b:2pkdwpf6] ---
[b:2pkdwpf6]Noting Dynamics:[/b:2pkdwpf6] First with the app: outward noise, tightness, heat, stings, tension, release, thoughts, sweet taste. When switched off the app: subtle vibrations in the arms, heat and warmth, light tightness in the throat. Vibrations when looking closer to objects. Then fear images and lots of thoughts. Thinking about quitting meditation for a while.
[b:2pkdwpf6]Goal for Next Session:[/b:2pkdwpf6] Keep doing out-loud noting to get back on track.

[b:24vb4d95]Date:[/b:24vb4d95] 04/15/13
[b:24vb4d95]Pre-Meditative Context: [/b:24vb4d95]OBE when laying in bed before going to sleep. 15' ReWire concentration app. 10' stretching and Qigong.
[b:24vb4d95]Length of Sits:[/b:24vb4d95] 40'
[b:24vb4d95]Posture: [/b:24vb4d95]half-lotus
[b:24vb4d95]Cutting Edge Insight Stage of the Session:[/b:24vb4d95] A&amp;P
[b:24vb4d95]Meditative Techniques Utilized:[/b:24vb4d95] out-loud and silent noting. Added some feeling-tones silent noting and APE.
[b:24vb4d95]General Thoughts: [/b:24vb4d95]
* Felt good after the session
* Getting back to the concentration practice through the app seems (and feels) like the right decision nowadays.
[b:24vb4d95]Aversion baseline:[/b:24vb4d95] ---
[b:24vb4d95]Noting Dynamics: [/b:24vb4d95]Noise, tightness, twitches &amp; stings, tension, release, vibrations, thoughts, sweet taste. Vibrations steadily showing in the shoulders and arms. Then coolness appeared in the mingmen (lumbar region) and with time expanded to the cervical and then the neck. When trying to reach the Crown, it triggered tightness in the throat (it didn't seem to be a postural problem). When looked closer to this discomfort or other places, vibrations were already there and going deeper, the discomfort had no center. Some pre-jhana lights. Scattered along the sit, there were some of the abstract colored images I posted months ago. No fear images this time. Lots of thoughts, some about reporting other loop-thinking, little seen as not-self. Ended with no leg pain (but really hadn't have spent much time on the sit).
[b:24vb4d95]Goal for Next Session:[/b:24vb4d95] Keep doing out-loud noting to get back on track and the concentration practice.

Trying out the Word-It-Out webpage:

[b:2iq87n1q]Date:[/b:2iq87n1q] 04/18/13 and 04/19/13
[b:2iq87n1q]Pre-Meditative Context:[/b:2iq87n1q] Yesterday, waking up from an unknown event and witnessing some kind of 3rd Jhana visual stuff. Today, waking up with aversion to energetic phenomena, which was colliding some protecting bubble at my side. Before the session, 10' ReWire concentration app plus 5' stretching and Qigong.
[b:2iq87n1q]Length of Sits:[/b:2iq87n1q] 45'
[b:2iq87n1q]Posture: [/b:2iq87n1q]half-lotus
[b:2iq87n1q]Cutting Edge Insight Stage of the Session:[/b:2iq87n1q] DÑ
[b:2iq87n1q]Meditative Techniques Utilized:[/b:2iq87n1q] out-loud and silent noting. At the end of the session silent noting feeling-tones and APE.
[b:2iq87n1q]General Thoughts: [/b:2iq87n1q]
* The concentration practice gives a difference in meditation
* I'm noting not-self thoughts more frequently off-cushion
* Aversion to street noise went down significantly, almost at ease with it
* Today it was a long walk to cross the DÑ, which I hadn't crossed completely, but felt that the symptoms were mild and easy to cope with.
[b:2iq87n1q]Aversion baseline: [/b:2iq87n1q]2
[b:2iq87n1q]Noting Dynamics:[/b:2iq87n1q] Started with calmness and spaciousness, which I usually note by the end of sessions. Soon noted outside noise, tightness, postural discomfort, tension in many places, fine vibrations in the shoulders, thoughts, heat. Sweet taste didn't show up today. The Brow Chakra woke up, with bubbling sensations and some cool/warmth mix. Later, inner noise (for the first time in a week), fine vibrations in the whole torso and arms. Soon after, mild discomfort in the chest, with heavier vibrations. Then, some tightness and vibrations in the throat, which then transformed in a wider heat strip at my right side connecting the upper chest to the throat. Stayed present for a long time. Spaced out several times, perhaps for a minute or more. In the mix, coolness appeared in the lower back, and then spread through the inner thighs, oddly bypassing the dantien. Then the coolness went up through the back, and at chest level there was an odd spot where coolness started to spin for some minutes. There were times in the second half of the session when I noted coolness in the lower torso and heat in the upper torso and head. Unfortunately I had to stop the session as I was late for my Taichi class.
[b:2iq87n1q]Goal for Next Session:[/b:2iq87n1q] Keep doing out-loud noting to get back on track and the concentration practice.

The Word it Out version of the session:

What is a not-self thought? Is it just a conceptual thought about the not-self characteristic?

From your note cloud, I'm seeing you're noting a lot more body sensations than the other three foundations of mindfulness. See if you can blend the other three foundations into the noting.
I had the same predilection for body sensations in my noting, and still do. To soften it up, one thing I've found useful is noting each of the four foundations separately in blocks of X (for me, 3) minutes (as done here [url:16nwtvxn]http&#58;//www&#46;buddhistgeeks&#46;com/2010/03/the-yogi-toolbox-power-tools-for-investigating-reality/[/url:16nwtvxn]), before trying all of them together. One thing you can also experiment with is some noting periods where you choose not to note the foundation that comes easiest to you.

Are thoughts noted with just the word &quot;thoughts&quot;? See if you can try to go into some more detail when noting them.

Hey, thanks for posting. This last three weeks I slid down big time as I started a new job (non-stop 10 hours long with 7 dead-lines in 3 hours!) and moved into a new flat. Before, in March, I was doing the Four Foundation Noting, 5-10 minutes each out-loud and then some full noting in silence. Then, I cut the practice to physical and feeling-tones and added the Aversion Parameter Evaluation suggested by Kenneth. Nowadays, I'm trying for a few days to climb the way up with the objects I note best, physical ones and feeling-tones. So thoughts are not noted directly but indirectly, as much of them come attached to those two types of sensations.

Frequently, thoughts arise at the very beginning of the in-breath. Mostly, thoughts arise as kind of ill-formed words or phrases, that is auditory sense, not visual or proprioceptive senses. They don't come from volition, thought-looping or echoing previous thoughts. They are just random, though a few times there were wisdom in them. Also, in a sense, they are different from my music composing experience. When I'm composing, I'm sort of appealing to an emotional state, to trigger sounds or syllables or words. In the case of meditation or off-cushion, the not-self thoughts don't have an emotion attached. It's like hearing parts of a conversation or radio in other room. But the funny thing is that physically, they are located in my head or nearby. Last week, I had a not-self thought which was coming from a distant place, which startled me. I open a thread about it in DhO.

It's true I'm using no detailed vocabulary for thoughts. Re-reading some posts of mine of February, I used this ones: remembering, analyzing, reporting, mapping, reporting, speculating, rehearsing, planning. I'll re-introduce them to my practice. Thanks again!

In yesterday's session, I did a detailed noting of thoughts. Only 30-40% of them were noted, mostly remembering, analyzing and reporting. So, I was a little carried away with letting that physical sensations and feel-tones trigger thoughts. Back to work!