Pablo P. Practice Journal

[b:1mpzt38f]Abridged practice history:[/b:1mpzt38f]

* +10 years of Tai Chi practice
* +6 years of soft Qi Gong practice (Feng Zhi Qiang), nowadays shorten to only a 15 minutes warmup before meditation
* 2 years of Samatha starting in 2010. Tried with breath, kasinas and counting with little results.
* 1 year of Bhante Vimalaramsi Metta and 6Rs method during 2012 with interesting results.
* Also have tried Taoist Dissolving methods (Vipassana-like but including visualization to decompose blockages) , and recently briefly tried Daniel Ingram’s fast noting and Shinzen Young’s “the power of gone”.
* Six years ago, after a mix of long standing postures and qi gong practice coupled with little sleep due to night shifts, I had nasty recurrent dream paralysis experiences, which months later I could end when I understood that the psychological stuff was triggered by my fear to (then undetected) energy awakening. Finally I surrender to the energy, went up through the back and down to the chest where it spread, and a second later the legs ejected energy like missile rockets for a minute. These happened again the next day at a much lesser degree, and dream paralysis never showed up again since. Every now and then I have short OBEs, lucid dreaming and jhanas stuff.
* Five weeks ago I started Kenneth Folk’s First Gear instructions, noting out-loud.

[b:1mpzt38f]Practice goal: [/b:1mpzt38f] stream-entry

[b:21vvzofh]Date: [/b:21vvzofh] 01/25/13
[b:21vvzofh]Length of Sit:[/b:21vvzofh] two sits for around 45-60 minutes each, first one at morning after the night shift, the second at the evening
[b:21vvzofh]Posture:[/b:21vvzofh] half-lotus
[b:21vvzofh]Cutting Edge Insight Stage of the Session:[/b:21vvzofh] n/a
[b:21vvzofh]Meditative Techniques Utilized: [/b:21vvzofh]KF’s noting out-loud, singles, pairs and triplets
[b:21vvzofh]General Thoughts/Reflections:[/b:21vvzofh] I noticed that the first part of the sits had more of a “release” tone, and the second part a “spam” tone. That is, releases happened after tension/tightness was spotted, but spasms/bursts happened on their own. When spotting and releasing tension at joints, warmth and pleasant sensations arise, even if there’s some tension left. When releases happen elsewhere, the sensation is more neutral. Another interesting thing is that I noticed a lot of tension that I held at fingers. I can actively relax them, but the funny thing is saw today is that when there’s a gap of time with no sensations arising, even in a calm mode, tension builds up in the fingers. Like I’m trying to literally grab sensations! Also, images and colors arise mostly in my morning sit, when I’m more tired (due to my night shifts).
[b:21vvzofh]What Sensations/Phenomenon Arose, and How Were They Noted:[/b:21vvzofh] warmth at the front of the torso and inside of arms, coolness at the back and outside of arms and legs, generally labeled as “warmth/pleasant”, “cool/neutral” or “cool/unpleasant”. “Tightness/unpleasant”, “Burn/neutral” or “burn/curious” in the crossed leg, the other leg gets “warm/pleasure” or “hot/anticipating” if I focus the attention there. Same thing happens with the column, where also “bubbling/cool/anticipating” was labeled. “Vibration/neutral” as a general pattern in arms and back. A second layer of “itches” and “needles/burn” and “wavy tightness” is noted above vibrations at the arms. “Tightness & release” and “tension & release” noted everywhere, mostly fingers, chest, throat and face. Generally noted as “tightness/release/pleasure”. Can’t remember well today, but usually I space out several times during the sits, labeled as “distraction”. A few times noted “Images” and “colors” for a split second. “Calm” arises a few times too, and stays much longer than other sensations.
[b:21vvzofh]What Worked? What Didn’t?:[/b:21vvzofh] In general, most of the sessions, say 80%, is about spotting tensions and releases. Other 15% about satisfaction / dissatisfaction of sensations. The remaining 5% is about thoughts. Regarding timing, I can note out-loud physical sensations within the second of arising, and degree of pleasantness more or less the same. Instead, thoughts may take 3 to 5 seconds, if I notice them at all, which is rather annoying. Also, when “calm” is noted, the mind clings to it so there are some long seconds before other sensations arise. In fact, I have to actively do a body scan to detect a physical sensation.
[b:21vvzofh]Goals for Next Session:[/b:21vvzofh] increase labeling of thoughts and mental states.

[b:3u2ksqoh]Date: [/b:3u2ksqoh] 01/26/13
[b:3u2ksqoh]Length of Sit:[/b:3u2ksqoh] +30 minutes twice at the afternoon and evening
[b:3u2ksqoh]Posture:[/b:3u2ksqoh] reclined in bed
[b:3u2ksqoh]Cutting Edge Insight Stage of the Session:[/b:3u2ksqoh] n/a
[b:3u2ksqoh]Meditative Techniques Utilized:[/b:3u2ksqoh] Samatha, noticing warmth arise and actively spread to feet and hands
[b:3u2ksqoh]General Thoughts/Reflections:[/b:3u2ksqoh] n/a
[b:3u2ksqoh]What Sensations/Phenomenon Arose, and How Were They Noted:[/b:3u2ksqoh] After the warmth settled, thoughts stopped abruptly many times, for a short period of time. Though that’s rather annoying, it paid dividends too: I noticed that thoughts stopped whenever I noticed that those thoughts/phrases emerged by themselves, on their own. This “no-self” noticing happened clearly some times, and inferred in the others (the faster ones). It felt like “startled” by noticing these thoughts/phrases, and or like a “pull”. Then “calmness”, “silence” a no physical sensations were noticed, but outside noise and time passing was noticed. At the end of the session, I switch the practice to spotting no-self thoughts.
[b:3u2ksqoh]What Worked? What Didn’t?:[/b:3u2ksqoh] It worked spreading the warmth to ankles and feet, where I have bad blood circulation. Couldn’t stay long every time the silence happened, probably by a combination of anticipation and been tired.
[b:3u2ksqoh]Goals for Next Session:[/b:3u2ksqoh] Seize the opportunity to notice “no-self” thoughts, and see if that triggers silence.

[b:2iriye1p]Date:[/b:2iriye1p] 01/28/13
[b:2iriye1p]Length of Sit: [/b:2iriye1p] 20 minutes at the morning / +1 hour at the evening
[b:2iriye1p]Posture:[/b:2iriye1p] reclined in bed / half-lotus
[b:2iriye1p]Cutting Edge Insight Stage of the Session: [/b:2iriye1p] n/a
[b:2iriye1p]Meditative Techniques Utilized: [/b:2iriye1p]Samatha / noting out-loud single, pairs and triplets
[b:2iriye1p]General Thoughts/Reflections:[/b:2iriye1p] n/a
[b:2iriye1p]What Sensations/Phenomenon Arose, and How Were They Noted: [/b:2iriye1p] More data shows that entering access concentration / early 1st jhana involves recognizing “no-self” in thoughts. Also, there were times when instead a block of pixels (like Moire’s patterns) showed up up and to the left of the visual field, before entering. Finally, entering happened when “surrendering” (which is not a conscious decision to release a tension).
Regarding noting, the first part was much like the last report. What was different though, is that I could stay longer at the pain/ache/discomfort at the throat, where I noted that it’s not solid but “fluctuating” and “compressed/expanded”. For fun, I stopped noting out-loud, concentrate on the throat and tried to note only thoughts that appeared. Much “wanted this to end” and “curious”, but also “blue color” showed up, which happen to be the throat chakra color. Though the awareness of body sensations decreased, I felt tightness at the cheek-bones and the column.
[b:2iriye1p]What Worked? What Didn’t?:[/b:2iriye1p] Couldn’t stay longer in access concentration / 1st jhana but I could easily get back once and again. In vipassana, I could stay longer with a burning leg, but it didn’t decompose into tinnier sensations.
[b:2iriye1p]Goals for Next Session: [/b:2iriye1p]Check if before “surrendering”, any kind of aversion triggers it.

[b:cm3zuhlo]Date:[/b:cm3zuhlo] 01/29/13
[b:cm3zuhlo]Length of Sit:[/b:cm3zuhlo] +30 minutes at the evening
[b:cm3zuhlo]Posture:[/b:cm3zuhlo] reclined in bed
[b:cm3zuhlo]Cutting Edge Insight Stage of the Session:[/b:cm3zuhlo] n/a
[b:cm3zuhlo]Meditative Techniques Utilized:[/b:cm3zuhlo] silent noting at a painful spot
[b:cm3zuhlo]General Thoughts/Reflections:[/b:cm3zuhlo] n/a
[b:cm3zuhlo]What Sensations/Phenomenon Arose, and How Were They Noted: [/b:cm3zuhlo] This time I quickly start as a standard noting, until the usual pain/discomfort raised (throat and chest). I dropped the out-loud labeling and just kept noticing sensations and thoughts that showed up at the throat. There was much more “efervescence” and “wavy-contractions” happening than yesterday, and less pain. And when I focused into the temperature of the spot, warmth arisen, and the pain went to the background, as if I were applying Metta.
[b:cm3zuhlo]What Worked? What Didn’t?: [/b:cm3zuhlo]Decomposition of the spot did work, not to full extent.
[b:cm3zuhlo]Goals for Next Session:[/b:cm3zuhlo] Repeat the practice, until I cross A&P.

[b:175qsnxt]Date:[/b:175qsnxt] 01/30/13
[b:175qsnxt]Length of Sit:[/b:175qsnxt] 90 minutes at the afternoon
[b:175qsnxt]Posture:[/b:175qsnxt] half-lotus 60 minutes, reclined 30 minutes
[b:175qsnxt]Cutting Edge Insight Stage of the Session:[/b:175qsnxt] n/a
[b:175qsnxt]Meditative Techniques Utilized:[/b:175qsnxt] Noting out-loud single, pairs and triplets; switch to silent noting at a painful spot
[b:175qsnxt]General Thoughts/Reflections:[/b:175qsnxt] a significant change of phenomena, lots of images and discomfort. Prior to sit, in daily activities I focused the attention to the discomfort on the throat
[b:175qsnxt]What Sensations/Phenomenon Arose, and How Were They Noted:[/b:175qsnxt] the usual “warmth/cool” sensations appear first, a general “vibration” on large patches of the body and “tightness” at cheeks, throat, fingers and the crossed leg. Unlike past sessions, vibrations didn’t decompose into tinier “itches/stings” or “wavy contractions/expansions”. Instead, there was more like a “mess” of sensations, many things happening that were unclear, like “scrambled” physical sensations [ should start to use that label ]. Also, labeled many times “discomfort”. There were much less “warmth” and “calmness” interspacing physical sensations. But the most significant labeling were thoughts, which many times showed up as written words & phrases. Labeled as “image-words” [ should start to note "written" instead ].
[b:175qsnxt]What worked? What didn’t?:[/b:175qsnxt] Decomposition of the throat spot showed much more activity, albeit unclear/messy/scrambled.
[b:175qsnxt]Goal for Next Session:[/b:175qsnxt] Repeat the practice until I cross A&P.

[quote:27i8hfol][b:27i8hfol]Kenneth Folk: [/b:27i8hfol] Great reports, Pablo. Especially the latest one. Love the format, with subtitles, “what worked” section, and goals. Maybe we should post a template for others to use in their reports.[/quote:27i8hfol]

Thanks Kenneth! The commitment to write down the sessions is a powerful driver to be mindful about the practice, be honest to oneself and others, and challenge to face up with whatever appears. This template I’m using was developed by Alan Smithee. Perhaps, it would be of great help a standardized account of the practices, as there’s much to learn reading how did others’ practice evolved.

[b:2az49iuz]Date:[/b:2az49iuz] 01/31/13
[b:2az49iuz]Length of Sit:[/b:2az49iuz] 100 minutes at the morning
[b:2az49iuz]Posture:[/b:2az49iuz] half-lotus
[b:2az49iuz]Cutting Edge Insight Stage of the Session[/b:2az49iuz]: n/a
[b:2az49iuz]Meditative Techniques Utilized: [/b:2az49iuz] Noting out-loud single, pairs and triplets; switch to silent noting at a painful spot
[b:2az49iuz]General Thoughts/Reflections:[/b:2az49iuz] discomfort at the throat was there but never built up, instead a wider tightness grew at the head and hands.
[b:2az49iuz]What Sensations/Phenomenon Arose, and How Were They Noted:[/b:2az49iuz] much more “warmth” than “cool” sensations. Same like yesterday, “Vibrations” didn’t decompose into tinier “itches/stings” or “wavy contractions/expansions”. There weren’t either “scrambled” physical sensations, but clear tightness at the head, hands and to a lesser degree, throat. The “burn” at the legs build up over the session and subside, half way. But there were no pain, or tough itches after the session. Also, there were many times were a general nice “calm” mind state. Near the end of the session, “boredom” showed up several times. I watch that I was noting perhaps with a 3 to 5 seconds gap. So I decided to switch to a fast out-loud noting, labeling every tiny sensation (physical only) in order note at 1 per second. Did that for 10 minutes, but in-between when there was more of a subtle sensation, I got stack and couldn’t re-start.
[b:2az49iuz]What worked? What didn’t?: [/b:2az49iuz] Most labels were single, just a few pairs, no triplets. Many times got stack for 10 or more seconds incapable of labeling a sensation.
[b:2az49iuz]Goal for Next Session: [/b:2az49iuz] Repeat the practice until I cross A&P. Be mindful about tightness in daily activities.

[quote:2iqq44n0][b:2iqq44n0]Kenneth Folk:[/b:2iqq44n0] OK, thanks for telling me that, Pablo. I’ll ask Alan if I can post the template for everyone to use.[/quote:2iqq44n0]

[b:14yu4ads]Date:[/b:14yu4ads] 02/01/13
[b:14yu4ads]Length of Sit:[/b:14yu4ads] 60 minutes in the night
[b:14yu4ads]Posture:[/b:14yu4ads] half-lotus
[b:14yu4ads]Cutting Edge Insight Stage of the Session:[/b:14yu4ads] n/a
[b:14yu4ads]Meditative Techniques Utilized: [/b:14yu4ads] Noting out-loud single, pairs and triplets; switch to silent noting at a painful spot
[b:14yu4ads]General Thoughts/Reflections:[/b:14yu4ads] silent noting at a painful spot provides much more opportunities to note mind states and thoughts; access concentration shows up several time while noting and non deliverately spotting the 3Cs; a 60 minutes session goes quickly nowadays, doesn’t feel long as when I just started.
[b:14yu4ads]What Sensations/Phenomenon Arose, and How Were They Noted: [/b:14yu4ads] Usually in the first 5-10 minutes I do some relaxation and correct posture. This time just about 5 seconds of sitting, whole body “vibrations” predominate. In the past sessions, there were some vibrations at the column, then “warmth” in the torso and only then vibrations at torso and arms. Then I started noting out-loud “tightness”, “tension/release”, “stings”, “tickles”, “warmth”, “burn”, “spasm”. Not much “coolness” labeling. As before, sensations predominate at head, throat and hands. Chest “pressure” labeled at the beginning mostly, then appeared randomly over the session. The whole body vibrations were affected by the volume of my voice while noting. When noting fast, 1 per second, the initial syllable of the label rippled “tough” on the vibration area, specially the chest. So I played with different volume, pitch, spacing the syllables, adding a “mm” before the initial syllable. Changing the volume did the trick, spacing the syllables in a lesser degree too, but it slowed down the noting.
This time, the throat showed again many phenomena, but not as many as a couple of days ago. So I switched to silent noting. Noted ”vibrations”, “wavy contractions/expansions”, some periphery subtle sensations and a strong “core” where “pain” was ‘located’. Also rushes of “hot” energy going up/down the throat. I played with the position of the tongue, keeping it low and not touching the palate, to keep the zone relaxed. Nevertheless, “qi/vibrations” went down through the closed lips, or “vibrations” showed up at the tip of the tongue, which also tasted “sweet”. In silent noting, many thoughts appeared, and always ended creating “tension” in the mouth (and/or hands) which trigger more tensions at the throat.
After a while, I decided to go for the core of the throat pain. Two interesting things happened: (1). I could locate the area where the core was, but when trying to get there I couldn’t, like it wasn’t there, like disappearing for a while and then reemerging. Noted “impermanence” and then “self-loath” ;o) . No decomposing of the core was noted, just vanishing and coming back. (2) If I labeled “pain” repeatedly with decreasing volume (out-loud, soft, whispered, silent, mental, hum, … ) the sensation decreased much in the same way, eventually disappearing for a few seconds. Should have noted “mind&body”.
When in silent noting, thoughts were much easily spotted: “anticipating”, “planning”, “judging”, remembering”, “self-praise”, “dumb”. A few times while actively noting, either trying to reach the core of the pain or unintentionally rejecting a thought, the background mental noise vanished for a few moments.
[b:14yu4ads]What worked? What didn’t?:[/b:14yu4ads] the arising and passing happened more by deepening the attention in a single spot and not by having a broader awareness of layers of vibrations. Changing the volume of noting had similar effects.
[b:14yu4ads]Goal for Next Session: [/b:14yu4ads] Repeat and deepen what I did today.

[b:2xgbvfiq]Date: [/b:2xgbvfiq]02/02/13
[b:2xgbvfiq]Length of Sit:[/b:2xgbvfiq] 60 minutes in the morning
[b:2xgbvfiq]Posture:[/b:2xgbvfiq] half-lotus
[b:2xgbvfiq]Cutting Edge Insight Stage of the Session:[/b:2xgbvfiq] lower ñanas up to DN.
[b:2xgbvfiq]Meditative Techniques Utilized:[/b:2xgbvfiq] Noting out-loud single, pairs and triplets; switch to silent noting at a painful spot
[b:2xgbvfiq]General Thoughts/Reflections:[/b:2xgbvfiq] I was very tired, have slept only 3 hours
[b:2xgbvfiq]What Sensations/Phenomenon Arose, and How Were They Noted:[/b:2xgbvfiq] As before, “vibrations” show up in the chest, coupled with some “bubbling/expansion/stretching” in the column, lumbar mainly. Noted out-loud “tightness”, “tension/release”, “stings”, “tickles”, “warmth”. Not much “coolness” labeling lately. Sensations keep predominating at head, throat and hands. Then I focused in the throat area, where as yesterday I noted silently “pressure”, “hot”, “pain” in the periphery, and then some core pain in the center of the area, which I couldn’t find exactly, whose sensation “arise & pass”.
Perhaps because I was tired, many images kept coming while noting. Some were abstract “dark red/ochre” images, some were “confusing” but what was remarkable was seeing 3-4 times human corpses or slaughtered/severed hands (manos seccionadas). They were a bit “disgusting” but mostly labeled as “curious”. They weren’t seen as threatening, but I reflected that my mind was ‘offering’ different images to distract me, escalating up to the point of showing death.
The[i:2xgbvfiq][u:2xgbvfiq] ‘insight of the day‘[/u:2xgbvfiq][/i:2xgbvfiq] was that I saw that labeling doesn’t happen exactly at the moment of the sensation, if the sensation is not clear enough. Instead, my mind ends up creating an image of the area, and then I’m labeling on that image. Therefore, there’s a gap between the start of the sensation, and the actual image/sensation I can label…
[b:2xgbvfiq]What worked? What didn’t?:[/b:2xgbvfiq] I could repeat the impermanence stuff, and watched how I’m labeling images sometimes, not actually the sensation itself.
[b:2xgbvfiq]Goal for Next Session: [/b:2xgbvfiq]Repeat and deepen what I did today.

[b:2v1gvv09]Date:[/b:2v1gvv09] 02/03/13
[b:2v1gvv09]Length of Sit:[/b:2v1gvv09] 70 minutes in the afternoon
[b:2v1gvv09]Posture: [/b:2v1gvv09]half-lotus 60 minutes, laying in bed 10 minutes
[b:2v1gvv09]Cutting Edge Insight Stage of the Session:[/b:2v1gvv09] ñanas up to hints of Low Equanimity.
[b:2v1gvv09]Meditative Techniques Utilized: [/b:2v1gvv09]Noting out-loud single, pairs and triplets; switch to silent noting at a painful spot; Self-Inquiry (2nd Gear) throughout the day
[b:2v1gvv09]General Thoughts/Reflections:[/b:2v1gvv09] a very productive session, even when I resisted to sit at first. I was able to have a clearer understanding of the ñanas progression dynamics. Though some of the things might were frightening, they were not freezing/shocking me, I never lose the perspective of watching what was been shown, I was not there as say, a nightmare.
[b:2v1gvv09]What Sensations/Phenomenon Arose, and How Were They Noted: [/b:2v1gvv09]Started noting vibrations” in the chest and to a lesser degree the head; “tightness”, “pain”, “tinkles” at the chest, near the shoulders, jaw, temples, and to a lesser degree arms, fingers and legs; also started with “tired” and “sleepy” notes. This time I corrected my practice by repeating the same note until another sensation grew stronger and capture bigger attention. By repeating, some of the sensations were “fading” or started “throbbing”. This time, throat and chest discomfort made my switch to silent noting, but mostly focused in the throat area, as when thoughts jumped in there were noted “contractions” at throat and jaw.
As happened in the last days, there were many phenomena at the periphery of the throat, “pain”, “sting”, tiny “burns” and contractions. When focusing in the core, there was some “throbbing” and “vanishing”. Unlike the past session, I actively searched for those mental images after the sensation arose and before I labeled it, but couldn’t saw them. Instead, I noted a “long fade” of sensations. As I was looking for those images, I switch to fast noting only the arising of sensations, noting every little itch, just for a couple of minutes. Then those long fades showed up again. At some point, there were many “stings” and “tightness” at head, throat, shoulders and chest. With them, “images” and “videos” came in. As images, there where abstract ochre image, turbid sea water, and like seeing cones, and a woman crying. As a ‘video’, a man pointing with a gun at the head of another man like if he was a hostage, and heard out of the scene a voice “Do you think you are safe?”.
At some point, it happened that when uncomfortable thoughts or mind states and spontaneous phrases showed up (don’t remember any more), I reacted like “deflating”. Around the 45 minute mark, the muddy thoughts and physical sensations vanished. Concentration started to deepen, I could even noted it as “deeper” without knocking the concentration down. I widen the attention to the whole body, felt “enthusiastic”, “clear”, “comfortable” and “alert”. Beside these general mental sensations, there were little physical sensations to note, except ”weak lines” at the chest. Then, an image of a ladle stirring a thick brownish sauce, and with it again many physical sensations, spontaneous phrases. Again feeling deflated and back to the calm and alert mode. Finally, a “vibration” started to build up in the torso and there was heat growing too. All of a sudden, another ‘video’ of a young boy being beaten. This was more unsettling than the other video, but I still could see that I was not there. Anyway, sensations and thoughts got back again, “burn” at the leg caught my attention, there was a broad sensation but not a center to locate “pain”. At the end, I rested laying in bed for 10 minutes.
[b:2v1gvv09]What worked? What didn’t?:[/b:2v1gvv09] At some extent, I could see a bit more clear the progression of ñanas. There were hints of lower equanimity, managed to get back there after sliding back, but anxiety and fear got in the way.
[b:2v1gvv09]Goal for Next Session:[/b:2v1gvv09] Try to see mind&body, cause&effect and the 3Cs in real time. Add more Self-Inquiry throughout the day.

[b:2r508y36]Date:[/b:2r508y36] 02/04/13
[b:2r508y36]Length of Sit:[/b:2r508y36] 20' in the afternoon, 50' in the evening
[b:2r508y36]Posture:[/b:2r508y36] reclined, half-lotus
[b:2r508y36]Cutting Edge Insight Stage of the Session:[/b:2r508y36] ñanas up to hints of Low Equanimity.
[b:2r508y36]Meditative Techniques Utilized:[/b:2r508y36] Noting out-loud single, pairs and triplets; switch to silent noting at a painful spot; Self-Inquiry (2nd Gear) throughout the day
[b:2r508y36]General Thoughts/Reflections:[/b:2r508y36] day and night
[b:2r508y36]What Sensations/Phenomenon Arose, and How Were They Noted:[/b:2r508y36] The first sit the progression was fast: “vibrations” and “bubbling” at the start along the lumbar and cervical, also the chest. Then some block of thoughts (no images this time) that went soon, and next those “dropping/deflating/letting go” sensation as I was unclinging to thoughts. Several times, after letting go, I noted “tightness” at the temples, which were “not uncomfortable”. Finally, the dropping went deep, but it didn’t go darker (as some previous sinking experiences) but with more luminosity. I just watch how that deepening was happening doing nothing, without trying to focus on anything. There was nothing available to cling to, anyway. It went deeper a couple of times in short succession, but then some words and melodies got in. It was the first time I didn’t get too anxious and excited in this kind of experience. I think it was related to some self-inquiry I’d been doing before during the day.
The second sit sucked, it was very messy, this time lots of images, but not creepy as yesterday. I can only remember one, were I was on a second floor watching a falling object. Though I could note “throbbing” of physical sensation at a high speed (7-10 per second), I could never cross the DN. Perhaps this is related to have started the session noting silently and then out-loud, instead of doing the other way round as usual.
[b:2r508y36]What worked? What didn’t?:[/b:2r508y36] It didn’t work to start noting silently. It was interesting not getting anxious when things went deeper.
[b:2r508y36]Goal for Next Session:[/b:2r508y36] Try to reach low equanimity. Add more Self-Inquiry throughout the day.

[b:537ndwxa]Date: [/b:537ndwxa]02/05/13
[b:537ndwxa]Length of Sit:[/b:537ndwxa] 15' qigong plus 60' sit in the evening
[b:537ndwxa]Posture:[/b:537ndwxa] half-lotus
[b:537ndwxa]Cutting Edge Insight Stage of the Session:[/b:537ndwxa] ñanas up to Low Equanimity
[b:537ndwxa]Meditative Techniques Utilized:[/b:537ndwxa] Noting out-loud single, pairs and triplets; silent noting for subtle sensations
[b:537ndwxa]General Thoughts/Reflections:[/b:537ndwxa] the best sit so far, relieved that creepy thoughts went away
[b:537ndwxa]What Sensations/Phenomenon Arose, and How Were They Noted:[/b:537ndwxa] Unlike recent sits, I did the 15 minutes stretching and qigong I have been doing. When I sat, “vibrations” came in at the torso, along with “warmth”. The vibrations grew stronger in the lower dantien and then it was felt two different sets of vibrations, which then became three: a general vibration through the torso, other at dantien and a new one at the head. Can’t remember thoughts by then, they were just a few, and no images. I noted the usual physical sensations “tightness”, “tension/release”, “itches”, “tinkles”, “warmth” and “cool”. After less than 5 minutes (guessing) those sensations disappeared, noted “calm” and the opening of a bigger space at the eyes field. I felt “alert” and “happy”. I couldn’t find any physical sensation, except “vibrations” at the torso and dantien. I even tried to focus attention to spots which have shown pain and tension in the past, like the throat. The thing was that no pain could be noted there, just a string of “neutral pulses” which, when I looked closer were going up. For my surprise and amaze, actually I was seeing through the throat, like if it were empty, and those pulses were coming from the spine. I switch the attention to the back, and there was a clear “vibration” going upwards to the top of the head, and some “itches/burns” on both sides of the column. That kept going for long, and after some time I noted “tension/contraction” at the union of temples and mandible.
Besides that, there wasn’t much to note if I did a general whole body attention. I switch the focus to the dantien, whose vibration and warmth increase, with some “hot/burn/non uncomfortable” sensations. I tried to widen the attention to the space, to see if there was some expansion & contraction following Kenneth’s exercise. There was a faint sensation outside the body, but there was a clear sensation and the arms/hands of expansion & contraction connected to the breath cycle. I noted that as “nice”, a sensation that I felt before in taichi&qigong, but this time I was not doing something to get it, it just happened. Then, I tried to widen the attention in front of my eyes field. “White lights” showed up, at first more cloudy (I should have noted), then a “white nimitta” that last only a few seconds, and it was travelling left to right, and then some white semicircles “pulsing” upwards. Noted “anxious/anticipation”, I lost focus. Finally, I got back to a general body attention, “fine vibrations” were noted but then came more thoughts and a couple of images (one was again someone “falling”). At the end there was a funny situation, when some “tinkles” showed up in the nose, and after many seconds I noticed that I was about to sneeze. It took a some other seconds to finally watch the sneeze to happen. It was like seeing a film in slow motion!
[b:537ndwxa]What worked? What didn’t?:[/b:537ndwxa] I could investigate comfortably the new scenario.
[b:537ndwxa]Goal for Next Session:[/b:537ndwxa] Keep investigating and try to note more mind states.

[b:3489bk4f]Date:[/b:3489bk4f] 02/06/13
[b:3489bk4f]Length of Sit: [/b:3489bk4f]15' qigong plus 50' sit in the evening
[b:3489bk4f]Posture:[/b:3489bk4f] half-lotus
[b:3489bk4f]Cutting Edge Insight Stage of the Session:[/b:3489bk4f] Low Equanimity
[b:3489bk4f]Meditative Techniques Utilized:[/b:3489bk4f] Noting out-loud single, pairs and triplets; silent noting for subtle sensations
[b:3489bk4f]General Thoughts/Reflections:[/b:3489bk4f] mind & body is much clearer
[b:3489bk4f]What Sensations/Phenomenon Arose, and How Were They Noted:[/b:3489bk4f] Noted “vibrations” of different kinds at the beginning, a general vibration first at the torso, a more intense one in the dantien, and a growing one on the sternum, which catch all the attention. I could note at that spot “pulsing”, “vibrating”. Then “calmness” was noted, a “wide” space, and with it “curiosity”, “investigation”. Before the session I have planned to keep a tighter focus on mental states and thoughts, and note them. With a calmer mind, and not much physical sensations capturing the attention, it was much easier than I expected. Noted: “curiosity”, “investigation”, “calm”, “frustration”, “desire”, “embarrassment”, “anxiety”, “anticipation”, “planning”, “remembering”, “rehearsing”.
The interesting insight of the session was seeing clearly the mind&body connection. Until now, 99% of the times I was inferring a mind state or thought after noticing a physical sensation. Today, with a calmer mind, it was the other way around: there was a thought, a small gap of time and then a physical sensation. Usually, they were “sting”, “tightness”, “spasm”, and “swallowing” (throat).
“Images” only showed up in the end of the session, I watch a connection with “remembering”. They were just a few ones, and none creepy. At the middle of the session I noted “lights” and “cloudy lights”, which didn’t escalate to a deeper concentration. Noted “anticipation”, “anxiety”, “curiosity”.
[b:3489bk4f]What worked? What didn’t?:[/b:3489bk4f] off cushion I could spot some usual jerk reactions, and by spontaneous application of vipassana, they didn’t escalate into unhealthy psychological patterns/reactions. It didn’t work that much trying to broaden the attention out of the body.
[b:3489bk4f]Goal for Next Session:[/b:3489bk4f] Keep investigating and try to note more mind states.

[b:6k9go40v]Date:[/b:6k9go40v] 02/07/13
[b:6k9go40v]Length of Sit:[/b:6k9go40v] 30' sit in the afternoon, 60' walking noting
[b:6k9go40v]Posture:[/b:6k9go40v] half-lotus, walking
[b:6k9go40v]Cutting Edge Insight Stage of the Session:[/b:6k9go40v] Low Equanimity
[b:6k9go40v]Meditative Techniques Utilized:[/b:6k9go40v] Noting out-loud single, pairs and triplets
[b:6k9go40v]General Thoughts/Reflections:[/b:6k9go40v] much more aversion noted while walking down the street
[b:6k9go40v]What Sensations/Phenomenon Arose, and How Were They Noted:[/b:6k9go40v] I tried noting while going to visit some clients, specially walking by the street or in the subway. Physical sensations noted were only superficial, but still I could manage to note every 2-3 seconds: “tightness”, “heat”, “hard”, “graze/brush”. What was more interesting is that a lot of thoughts and mental states showed up, “like” or “dislike” were predominant, and also “planning”, ”tired”, “remembering”. Being in motion, It was easier to spot the (small) gap between mental order and body execution. Just as a side note (no pun intended), I noticed a couple of time people in the subway showing this same mind&body gap.
In the 30' sit, I was too tired for having slept 5 hours only. “Vibrations” came in quickly and briefly after “calmness”. But it didn’t last long, soon “worried”, “fear”, “sadness”, “images” became predominant. I understood that I was sliding back to Dark Night, so I managed to get back to Low Equanimity, but 5 minutes later I was sliding back again. This happened for the three times, so I cut the session and had a nap.
[b:6k9go40v]What worked? What didn’t?:[/b:6k9go40v] I could see the sliding into DN.
[b:6k9go40v]Goal for Next Session:[/b:6k9go40v] Start noticing out loud instead of silently.

[b:fb123hp3]Date:[/b:fb123hp3] 02/08/13
[b:fb123hp3]Length of Sit:[/b:fb123hp3] 60' sit in the afternoon
[b:fb123hp3]Posture: [/b:fb123hp3]half-lotus
[b:fb123hp3]Cutting Edge Insight Stage of the Session: [/b:fb123hp3]A&P
[b:fb123hp3]Meditative Techniques Utilized: [/b:fb123hp3]Noting out-loud single, pairs and triplets; silent noting for subtle sensations
General Thoughts/Reflections: off-cushion I noted DN symptoms coming from nowhere, and before that waking up vomiting, but on-cushion it was all about vibrations, more like A&P. After the sit I felt really good, which lasted for only a couple of hours.
[b:fb123hp3]What Sensations/Phenomenon Arose, and How Were They Noted:[/b:fb123hp3] I started noting out loud, “vibrations” came in. Unlike other times, this vibrations in an area didn’t have a core, like what had happened in the throat or the sternum. They were spread in the chest, but a “sting/tightness” right at the back made me note an “ascending vibration” (noted silently). The same thing happened at the throat, but much clearer. Right at the start, there was a “cold/ descending vibration” in the Third Eye. This time, the sensation was concentrated there. When I watched upwards, the coolness descended from the Crown (where there was no concentrated sensation). It felt “calm” and relieved (I didn’t label then but that’s how it was felt) because of the lack of blockages.
When I switched attention to the limbs, I noticed “warmth”, “vibrations”, kind of “pleasant”, but also “too much tension”. I felt uneasy with so much tension. I actively tried to relax, but accomplished little. Then I compared simultaneously the tensions at torso and limbs. Tensions at the abdomen, chest, throat, temples and skull were noted like “weak vibration”, and those at arms and legs “strong vibration”. Following Kenneth’s image, the weak one was like a single line of ants, and the later a highway of ants!
Around the 45' mark, the previous warm legs turned “cold”, keeping with the “strong vibrations”. Amaze was noticed, but forget to note it. In the past I have felt coldness at the Third Eye and the lower column but never at the legs. At the end, there was “strong pulses/burn/pain” at the crossed leg. I watched them closely, and could note the “start” climbing up to a “peak”, and the a slower “fade” with no clear ending.
[b:fb123hp3]What worked? What didn’t?:[/b:fb123hp3] I was happy to note the different intensities of vibration. Couldn’t relax the tension at the limbs, so I let them show what they had to offer. Though I could switch from a close focus to and open/wide focus, and I could felt simultaneously different vibrations, it felt more interesting to keep in a close focus, so I don’t know if I was in A&P or deviating from LEQ.
[b:fb123hp3]Goal for Next Session:[/b:fb123hp3] Extend the sit to 90'.

[b:2db96s4h]Date:[/b:2db96s4h] 02/09/13
[b:2db96s4h]Length of Sit:[/b:2db96s4h] 40' and 60' sits in the afternoon
[b:2db96s4h]Posture: [/b:2db96s4h]half-lotus
[b:2db96s4h]Cutting Edge Insight Stage of the Session:[/b:2db96s4h] DN the first, glimpse of HEQ in the second?
[b:2db96s4h]Meditative Techniques Utilized:[/b:2db96s4h] Noting out-loud single, pairs and triplets; silent noting for subtle sensations
General Thoughts/Reflections: the mind seems to know how far to push regarding DN, and look like it has done one step back. In the past days, the were many creepy images (–>fear). Today, there were only wild animals images (–>surprise). And I recall from months ago coming images from broken toys and broken teddy bear (–>curious).
[b:2db96s4h]What Sensations/Phenomenon Arose, and How Were They Noted: [/b:2db96s4h] The first session started at A&P and climbing to DN to fall back to A&P and again climbing to DN. This happened three times. It was during this session that those “surprise” images of wild animals popped up.
In the second session it was a one long procession A&P -> DN -> EQ. Started noting out loud, and switched to silent noting when there were more subtle sensations. And when I felt that I was daydreaming I switched to fast noting, 1-2 notes out loud per second. The “discomfort/pain” I had at the sternum disappeared when having a broader observation. Also, I played with the heart-beats, noting the ends of them. It had a calming effect. Before the 50' mark the “tension/ strong vibrations” at the arms toned down, the tension was gone and there were “fine vibrations”. Shortly after, concentration grew but there were no pulling towards a center. Instead, there was a calm state where I couldn’t sense the body. Visually, there were like vertical tiny lines of light. It lasted for about 1 minute. Then, with some “anxiety” I felt once again the body. In the end, after leg pain and some daydreaming I decided to end the session.
[b:2db96s4h]What worked? What didn’t?:[/b:2db96s4h] I was happy to climb back to EQ, and had a glimpse of what could be HEQ. Look more similar to 4th jhana than the higher ones. I couldn’t extend the sit for more than 60 minutes.
[b:2db96s4h]Goal for Next Session:[/b:2db96s4h] Extend the sit to 90'.

[b:2de86l6n]Date:[/b:2de86l6n] 02/011/13 and 02/12/2013
[b:2de86l6n]Length of Sit:[/b:2de86l6n] 30' and 55' sits in the morning
[b:2de86l6n]Posture:[/b:2de86l6n] half-lotus
[b:2de86l6n]Cutting Edge Insight Stage of the Session:[/b:2de86l6n] A&P, hints of DN
[b:2de86l6n]Meditative Techniques Utilized:[/b:2de86l6n] Noting out-loud single, pairs and triplets; bought the ReWire app to see if it boost my concentration
[b:2de86l6n]General Thoughts/Reflections:[/b:2de86l6n] morning sits coupled with a long national holiday don’t help in keeping with momentum. I’ll try to do some basic concentration stuff like “ReWire app” during the morning and keep the sits for the afternoon/evening.
[b:2de86l6n]What Sensations/Phenomenon Arose, and How Were They Noted:[/b:2de86l6n] Both sessions were much the same, “vibrations”, “warmth” at arms, “coolness” at legs after stretching, “coolness” flowing down the Crown to the Third Eye, “tightness” in arms, chest, temples and cheeks, arms “flapping”, some “itches” specially at the fingers when focusing in them, a clear connection with “frustration”, “mistake” or pretty much every emotional tone with “pain” in the chest. When focusing in the pain spot, shortly after either “vibrations” or “pulsing” appears, generally the later. The “warm” dantien kept present during all the sit. “Images” and “Video clips” showed up persistently, which disappeared after noting them out loud. When I focused in the “burn/pain” in the leg, images and video clips came in much more, so it’s not clear if they are an effect of daydreaming or discomfort/pain/stress.
[b:2de86l6n]What worked? What didn’t?: [/b:2de86l6n]It doesn’t work to sit in the mornings.
[b:2de86l6n]Goal for Next Session:[/b:2de86l6n] Extend the sit to 90'.

[b:vr1h51sg]Date:[/b:vr1h51sg] 02/12/2013
[b:vr1h51sg]Length of Sit:[/b:vr1h51sg] 30' stretching & qigong, 60' sit in the evening
[b:vr1h51sg]Posture:[/b:vr1h51sg] half-lotus
[b:vr1h51sg]Cutting Edge Insight Stage of the Session:[/b:vr1h51sg] A&P
[b:vr1h51sg]Meditative Techniques Utilized:[/b:vr1h51sg] Noting out-loud single, pairs and triplets; silent noting for subtle sensations; repeat word or melody until it fades (similar to repeating labels)
[b:vr1h51sg]General Thoughts/Reflections:[/b:vr1h51sg] I could note clearly two basic characteristics of Self: control and aversion. Because of Qigong, before sitting I’m already in A&P.
[b:vr1h51sg]What Sensations/Phenomenon Arose, and How Were They Noted:[/b:vr1h51sg] Started with “vibrations” than after some minutes went “strong” and then “weak”, but didn’t slide into a general whole body vibration watching as there were much more interesting things showing up by focusing narrowly on some recurring sensations. When focusing on some “tightness”, it started to “pulsing” and/or “vibrating”. Usually I then switch to another sensation, but this time I kept there watching. And many things showed up. As tightness/tension didn’t disappear, “aversion” was noted or (mostly) inferred as thoughts, melodies, words or another physical sensation tried to take me away from there. If I tried to be there anyway, there were “spams” in the stomach, and there was a clear (though inferred) sort of “can’t make it happen –> frustration/anger/powerlessness –> spam”. Also, there was a clear connection with “remembering –> regret”.
Probably one big insight is that eyelids and fingers are tightly connected with Self. I actively tried to relax both of them, but the “tension” gets back the instant I focus the attention anywhere else. Or if I managed to keep the eyelids relaxed some seconds, a “melody” or “words” showed up always. The few times I could manage to keep the eyelids relaxed, the viewing of body and sensations had a different color, more “calm” and “wide”, but can’t really describe it yet.
[b:vr1h51sg]What worked? What didn’t?:[/b:vr1h51sg] Watching Self doing its stuff.
[b:vr1h51sg]Goal for Next Session:[/b:vr1h51sg] Keep doing this, and try to extend time watching things with eyes and fingers relaxed.

Thanks for moving your logs over here so quickly!!

"Aquanin":3b52xdrn wrote: Thanks for moving your logs over here so quickly!![/quote:3b52xdrn]

Ditto that!

[b:18zke91q]Date:[/b:18zke91q] 02/13/2013
[b:18zke91q]Length of Sit: [/b:18zke91q]morning: 20' concentration (ReWire), evening: 20' stretching & qigong and 60' sit
[b:18zke91q]Posture:[/b:18zke91q] half-lotus
[b:18zke91q]Cutting Edge Insight Stage of the Session:[/b:18zke91q] DN
[b:18zke91q]Meditative Techniques Utilized:[/b:18zke91q] mostly silent noting for subtle sensations and noting out-loud at the beginning and end of the session
[b:18zke91q]General Thoughts/Reflections:[/b:18zke91q] I can infer aversion but I cannot sense it directly (other that where the eyes are staring at).
[b:18zke91q]What Sensations/Phenomenon Arose, and How Were They Noted: [/b:18zke91q] Lately, by the ending of Qigong exercises, a vibrating/shaking spread at the back, but right after sitting it’s located in the chest. And if I focus the attention anywhere in the body, I can note “vibrations” too. Somewhere in the middle of the session the vibrations went strong but then subsided. I investigated the eyeballs area. Just briefly I could note vibrations, mostly there’s “tension” and if when I spent enough time there, all the surrounding area felt “hard”, “stiff” and “contracted”. Plus, if I focus in any spot, the fingers got stiff too. Other times, it derived to another tension or vibration elsewhere (neck, chest) or a “pleasant” sensation in the genital area. The dantien get “hot”, “vibrates”. I let it sunk and it felt pleasant. When I did this with eyeballs it was almost imposible, little relaxation was possible. Nevertheless, when I focused in the Third Eye, it started to “vibrate” and “pulse” and after a while it “dissolved” and felt like “cool water pouring on” the eyes.
[b:18zke91q]What worked? What didn’t?:[/b:18zke91q] Watching Self and aversion doing its stuff.
[b:18zke91q]Goal for Next Session: [/b:18zke91q]though this practiced have proved to be valuable, I’m getting back to noting out-loud. Perhaps, I could investigate it much better when fully in Equanimity.

[b:276ontdg]Date:[/b:276ontdg] 02/14/2013
[b:276ontdg]Length of Sit:[/b:276ontdg] morning: 20' concentration (ReWire), evening: 2×20' stretching & qigong and 30' sit
[b:276ontdg]Posture:[/b:276ontdg] half-lotus
[b:276ontdg]Cutting Edge Insight Stage of the Session: [/b:276ontdg]A&P
[b:276ontdg]Meditative Techniques Utilized: [/b:276ontdg] noting out-loud singles, pairs and triplets
[b:276ontdg]General Thoughts/Reflections:[/b:276ontdg] It feels like a long journey to get back to EQ! In my noon nap after Qigong first session, I woke up with some fireworks, not feeling the body (only the surface that touched the bed) and visuals with different perspective, like a failed OBE.
[b:276ontdg]What Sensations/Phenomenon Arose, and How Were They Noted:[/b:276ontdg] It was a quick session yesterday, noted the usual A&P stuff plus watch how aversion triggers other sensations or thoughts (it doesn’t show directly as a mental mood, otherwise I could have noted “aversion” directly).
[b:276ontdg]What worked? What didn’t?:[/b:276ontdg] Watching Self and aversion doing its stuff.
[b:276ontdg]Goal for Next Session: [/b:276ontdg]Extend gradually 5' per day until I can sit for 90' in a row.