Serena's Practice Journal 1

Thanks for the reminder! Funnily enough, I had a little nudge from Jackie Chan earlier whilst watching Karate Kid..."life is kung fu" he said, (or in my case, life is meditation)...everything flipped and I felt fully present again. Funny how the universe 'speaks' sometimes (for want of sounding a bit new age). Back on the horse

Okay, I've just experienced a very profound meditation session and I'm going to do my best to report here. I began in the usual way, sitting and noting. Observing shifts of sensations on surface areas of body, then went into a deeply relaxed state. I gave up trying to work out which jhana I was in, but sat with the deeply relaxed state for a while, there were about three times during this phase that I stopped to stretch and this felt good. My eyes then rolled back of their own accord. I am quite sure after this I experienced the formless jhanas. So, firstly the edges of the body dissolved, in fact the body became more or less persona non grata and I felt as tough I was in endless space. Soon after, I experienced feeling as though I was in eternal consciousness. Then I felt pressure on top of the third eye, a sensation of a tube of light running through the body, more pressure on third eye teamed with sensation of energy pouring from crown chakra. Then very embodied but in an ENTIRELY different way. The body was not a body in the usual sense but a body of light, golden light. Within the body was an eye. Just one, in the centre of the Head. That was it. Then I felt great waves of bliss within this body and as though I was existing on some other plane, and as though my brothers and sisters also in their bodies of light were somehow sitting with me, in a meditative circle, welcoming me (I experienced this as beyond thought, very lucid, visceral, felt real). Then a great sense of delight and playfulness within this 'light' body. I began to stretch again, and it felt like I was releasing myself from old chains, very freeing. CONTD...

......Then a strong sense of wanting to send metta, so sent it out to the big music festival going on around the corner (Seasick Steve is playing at the moment I think - his voice is bouncing off the walls in our street as I type) with a big hearty feeling. There's not much more to say, but I am sitting here now, just after meditation feeling very clear, mostly just present and aware and feeling as though I've just had a really good shower.

...there is one more thing to add. I didn't experience going through the dhukka nanas at all and I'm not sure why. But there we have it.

And one other thing...I just read all this back and it sounds really trippy and a bit way out. I shall make no excuses for this. It's what I experienced. Just reporting.

I didn't meditate yesterday - I was a bit thrown by the experience on Friday and felt apprehensive.
This evening I sat for 15 minutes and observed strong feelings of sadness and loss. My body and its circumference were suffused with gross tingling and pulsing sensations. There was no let up on this, no sense of moving into calm abiding. I get the strong feeling after meditating that,whether it's fireworks or pain, its all the same on some level. That feels quite freeing.

40 minutes of vipassana today - observing third eye sensations, eye movement, pulses, general body sensations. Although I was not concentrating on jhanas, I felt as though I moved through some all the same. Observing the sensations and feelings at the ends of things i.e. pulses, breaths, blinking. Feel very alert and more relaxed after meditation.

"I get the strong feeling after meditating that,whether it's fireworks or pain, its all the same on some level."-Serenamay

Right. From time to time, tune into that level of mind that sees it all and judges nothing. No big deal, don't obsess about it, just notice it and then go back to noting.

A short session this evening, first spent observing all the bundle of emotions that goes with PMS and trying to pull it apart into categories...resentment, anger, sadness, misery, loss and then quite quickly moved beyond this into observing eye movement and particularly the stops at the end of eye flutters. So the stops. Okay - how to describe? A place of no mind, pre-mind almost, there's awareness but mind kicks in micro seconds after that glimpse. The 'glimpse' is a bit murky, but there it is...a pearl amongst the silt (or a fine drop of silt amongst the pearls - don't want to be silt-ist ). I felt a a rise of euphoria twice this evening after observing this.

Today's session spent mostly applying vipassana to eye movements and third eye pressure. There appears to be more happening in the gaps at the end s of things...rises of euphoria seems to fill the hollow and then hang around. Fruitions maybe? I'm not too familiar with these, so not sure, but it feels like it.

Observing sinking into third eye today I focused on the steady pulse happening in there. I began to watch closely at the end of the pulse and each time there was a rise of euphoria, this rise became stronger and stronger until eventually I felt as though the pulses were just the crests of a huge waves of rising bliss. Lovely to ride bliss waves.
As a songwriter I now find I am writing songs about my meditation practice. I hoped this day would come.....yep, bleed-through of the finest kind.

A day off from meditation yesterday and today it's much harder to gather concentration. Thoughts are like strong winds, blowing this way and that, and not wishing to 'cling' to concentration, am getting blown about and returning then concurrently being blown about and staying with the mudra, but not very effectively. Feeing very much as though I am on the meniscus of events, and missing the deeper reality experienced through jhana meditation. It's hard to not find vipassana just downright irritating a times. Ah, preferences...

Hi Serena,

The frustration is especially likely to come if you think you are supposed to be concentrated. But, remember, the instruction is to note aloud when things are gross and to investigate subtle sensations when and if they arise. There is nothing in the instructions about deliberately getting concentrated.

If you get concentrated, you know what to do. If you don't get concentrated, you know what to do. It is the false idea that concentration is preferable to not-concentration that is causing you to suffer. It often happens, of course, that if you note aloud, continuously and accurately, being sure to "use up" the available processing power of the mind through the noting, that you will become concentrated. Fine. And if it doesn't happen that way, and you become frustrated, that's fine too. Just be sure to note "frustration, frustration." Dinner is the fish on your plate, not the one that got away.

Frustration is the fish on your plate. Eat! Longing for the "deeper reality experienced through jhana meditation" is just another way to avoid what's in front of you. Note "longing, aversion, annoyance, irritation, nostalgia, revery." That's what is really going on. The chimera never got anybody enlightened. Embrace the unglamorous. Look to the mule you're riding now.

You're getting this, Serena. Keep on keepin' on!

Kenneth

Doh! I forget to remember that forgetting is okay

Damn paradoxes

Your comments from yesterday are beginning to sink in Kenneth, and thank you for these.

This evening I sat with a migraine. Concentration wasn't great, but that was okay. I am getting better at noting thoughts as they come and go. The migraine (although relieved somewhat by painkillers and a glass of wine) has a deep and very slow pulse to it, which I watched for a time , plus, and unusually for me, there were plenty of itches to note and observe around the body, cropping up all over the place. There was also a feeling of excitement - hope, which I translate as wishing to get path (though I still don't really 'get' what path is yet, or how I'll know when I have it, so the hope and excitement is I expect, wishful thinking. Still there it is. Despite feeling crap I'm glad I sat. I guess this is it. Sit through whatever it is.

I'm going to stick my neck out here and say I experienced a number of fruitions during meditation this evening. That's what it felt like anyway. These came at the end of events, such as fast blinking.The blinking would stop. I note - blinking and start to investigate the gap that follows, then up rises a wave of blissful energy. This happens severals times and the bliss just accumulates. I'm bathing in bliss right now...though appear to be watching myself bathing in bliss, so I guess I'm in witness as I write this.

Hmmmm, EYES GLUED TO THIS THREAD!!!!

Serena, keep at it and explain exactly what is happening up to those "blinks" and what happens after. Don't call them anything yet. No need to. They sound promising but more info is needed.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOT!

Thanks NIck, okay I'll report back tomorrow with more details... any hints as to what else I should be looking for?

"I'll report back tomorrow with more details... any hints as to what else I should be looking for?" ~Serena

If I may jump in...

Try to pay attention to what happens during the whole sit. Then, find out when the "blinking" occurs (if it does), and then what comes after.

You're doing great!
~Jackson

Okay thanks Jackson. I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and see if I can't get a bit deeper in so I can add more fine detail into my descriptions here...

Nice work, Serena. I'm in Pittsburgh at the moment for a bat-mitzvah and have only limited minutes online, but you are in good hands with Jackson and Nick. Keep on keepin' on!

Kenneth

Thanks Kenneth,
I'm not entirely sure what's happening myself, could just be a 'pleasant' meditation. Let's see where it goes....I've time to sit for a bit longer today so I'll report back.

Isn't this fun!?

Good times.

Very excited to see how this goes. You rock Serenamay!

"Thanks Kenneth,
I'm not entirely sure what's happening myself, could just be a 'pleasant' meditation. Let's see where it goes....I've time to sit for a bit longer today so I'll report back."

Good luck! Pay attention, don't manipulate, and just let things unfold. It is frustrating to be unsure, and I am finding that "wishing" is pretty much the near enemy of everything.

Okay, I've just sat for 55 minutes and here's what happened....
Began by noting sensations and felt as though the mind and body began to settle. Then experienced a rising energy with the in-breath and a descending energy with the out-breath. This was quite powerful as energy rose up and concurrently descended through my body. I noted 'rising' and 'falling'.
The blinking began quite naturally and at a steady pace after this period of energy movement. I closely observed the sensations when blinking stopped. Initially I felt an 'electrification' of the arms and hands. Over a period of time, the blinking movements continued in long, steady patterns, often concentrated around the left eye. When stops occurred I observed closely. as the blinking progressed, the sense of 'electrification' spread throughout the body and I began to feel like a lightning rod...my whole body was electric - it felt like a ball of electricity. There were some feelings of excitement and expectation and a sense of wanting to 'get it done'. Then I began to feel a lot of pressure in the ears, particularly the left ear, and with it a sense of my face becoming plasticized and being gently re-moulded around the area of the ears. The pressure in the ears came and went and this all coincided with the sense of having become electric.
I went on to try another mudra - eyes back into the head and observing the third eye, then sinking into the third eye and observing the slow pulse inside the third eye. initially I thought the rounded pulse had a beginning and an end but on closer observation i realised it was continuous and circular in motion. At some point, I can't tell you exactly when, the body began to feel as though it was dissolving - it felt as though it was filled with little worms...CONTD

but this changed back after a time to the state of electrification, however, there was a strong sensation of coolness, as though i'd just been dumped in a refrigerator. I was struggling to keep concentration after a about 46 minutes . Got fidgety and kept stopping to look at the time. 45 minutes is usually about my max for a sit unless I'm on retreat). I kept going the further 10 minutes. The sense of coolness persisted.And the electrification remained, although the coolness gave it a different edge. I forgot to mention earlier, that whilst I was having this pressure in the ears and my face was going all plastic, that my head also felt as though it had been squeezed and had become kind of pushed together in the middle.
Feedback welcome here....I still feel like I could power a ranch if you plugged me in