Viktor's Practice journal
- viktorvnh
- Topic Author
12 years 8 months ago #93200
by viktorvnh
Replied by viktorvnh on topic Re: Viktor's Practice journal
Date: May 21
General thoughts:
Practice is progressing.
At the moment I am focusing on fear and shame and so on. Starting to realize what a big part this plays in it all. As I am writing this, I'm observing the hesitation, the insecurity and the fear.
I'm still practicing noting and the four foundations. And I am intrigued by some new things, like comparing the unpleasantness to the pleasantness, putting them next to each other, watching them from a distance, see how they differ, observe my reactions.
The mind states are still not entirely clear. I'm playing around with them. If a thought comes by that makes me fall into a mind state I repeat the thought a few times, observing how my body reacts. It can be frustration, critique, pride (proud, which I believe is a positive emotion compared to...) smugness and so on...
I'm trying to find my positive emotions and cultivate them, making room for them... loving them with kindness. While simultaneously trying to find my "less positive", haha, emotions... seeking what hides beneath them. Mostly fear and insecurity, if not always.
While noting thoughts I mostly go into the memory flow... but it can be pretty intense, so sometimes I just don't have the energy. I then simply sit and see what comes up. I give myself pretty free hands here too. Sometimes just repeating thoughts, sometimes asking "Who am I" ... sometimes just saying "I" and see what it feels like, sometimes the I is attached to a persona, sometimes I get a pleasant feeling in the gut.
If I go into a memory flow and find something that makes a cut in the body I stay with the memory and the emotions attached to it for a while.
Some more about fear, I have started to notice how there is fear attached to the actual noting practice. Which is interesting, I hope to get deeper into this.
General thoughts:
Practice is progressing.
At the moment I am focusing on fear and shame and so on. Starting to realize what a big part this plays in it all. As I am writing this, I'm observing the hesitation, the insecurity and the fear.
I'm still practicing noting and the four foundations. And I am intrigued by some new things, like comparing the unpleasantness to the pleasantness, putting them next to each other, watching them from a distance, see how they differ, observe my reactions.
The mind states are still not entirely clear. I'm playing around with them. If a thought comes by that makes me fall into a mind state I repeat the thought a few times, observing how my body reacts. It can be frustration, critique, pride (proud, which I believe is a positive emotion compared to...) smugness and so on...
I'm trying to find my positive emotions and cultivate them, making room for them... loving them with kindness. While simultaneously trying to find my "less positive", haha, emotions... seeking what hides beneath them. Mostly fear and insecurity, if not always.
While noting thoughts I mostly go into the memory flow... but it can be pretty intense, so sometimes I just don't have the energy. I then simply sit and see what comes up. I give myself pretty free hands here too. Sometimes just repeating thoughts, sometimes asking "Who am I" ... sometimes just saying "I" and see what it feels like, sometimes the I is attached to a persona, sometimes I get a pleasant feeling in the gut.
If I go into a memory flow and find something that makes a cut in the body I stay with the memory and the emotions attached to it for a while.
Some more about fear, I have started to notice how there is fear attached to the actual noting practice. Which is interesting, I hope to get deeper into this.