Ron's "Now What?" Journal

"That was my experience as well. This practise seems to energize the system subtantially, but in my experience it is only temporary. When it becomes integrated into your everyday experience, the high subsides and tranquillity remains."

That is good to know, because I feel like I'm heading into the dark on this little project and nothing is mapped out clearly like it is with the jhanas or nanas. There is an initial thrill, then it subsides. Then I notice another source of tension or irritation, place attention on it, then thrill, then it subsides. This could go on for hours, with me noticing something every 5 to 10 minutes, and in between completely forgetting the practice.

It is not a simple thing really to know when you've used this technique and received the full benefit and are ready to move to something different that addresses other issues. If you don't mind me asking Antero, when did it become clear to you that something had changed for good when you were doing this? What was the experience of feeling finished with this DM stuff?

I'm not sure anyone has to do direct mode practice to get those results. What some people describe as its benefits seems to come naturally at some point. My practice headed into the solar plexus some months ago and it's been there since. Something, what I do not know. just drew it in to that part of the body. We tend to assume there is one way to "get" somewhere but after a certain point I'm not sure there's any "where" to get. And by focusing on just one way we might be missing out on other valuable practices.

"We tend to assume there is one way to "get" somewhere but after a certain point I'm not sure there's any "where" to get.

- cmarti"

I agree with you Chris. Non-dualists are right in saying that you can be free Now regardless of the conditions, attainments or no attainments. Although it took me long time and seventh stage on Kenneth's map to realize this

What is so nice about the stages is that the further you get, the more moments of awakeness you have. Until at some point you realize that you were there all along.

[Edited for clarity]

"If you don't mind me asking Antero, when did it become clear to you that something had changed for good when you were doing this? What was the experience of feeling finished with this DM stuff?

- Ron"

No, I don't mind that at all.

The shift happened after the grounding practise had become a habit, a completely automatic response to the arising of any unwholesome mind states. Then came a point when I felt that there were no stones left unturned, no matter what childhood trauma I thought of or what past injustice I tried to come up with; no resentment, aversion or irritation would appear. I realized that there is no need to keep my hand on the switch anymore.

Still chugging along with the DM practice - I'm finding it sooooo much harder than noting ever was. This is really weird because it is automatically rewarding the instant that it is done properly. Right away there is a wonderful feeling and this should, in theory, create the motivation to stay with it, but it does not seem to work that way. This kind of blows my mind, as a psychologist. I often think of things in terms of behaviorism, and particularly rewards. If a behavior is rewarded it increases in frequency, no ifs-ands or buts. This experience runs contrary to all of that and I'm not sure what to make of it...

Why is this practice difficult? It is simple. It is direct. It feels good. What is going on?

The mind enjoys its own non-DM chatter and identification in some twisted way, and DM subverts that?

"The mind enjoys its own non-DM chatter and identification in some twisted way, and DM subverts that?"

Yep - I'd say that is a likely villian in this scenario. I'm finding that the chatter is particularly difficult for me to manage because my job requires it in a big way. For 8 hours the chatter is on - paperwork, lots of face-to-face talks with people, writing narratives of what I do for insurance companies, supervising others and being suupervised - I never could foresee that the talking part of the "talking cure" would be such a problem for my spiritual practice on a day-to-day basis.

My goal right now is to keep the switch held down at least during my off hours. For some reason though, I've had a tough time doing this and I think you are right EIS - there is something about the chatter that doesn't want to stop and DM really shuts it up.

To facilitate this I'm going to post once a day for a while. There is something about posting daily that helps to keep me accountable and moving in the right direction.

This is the opposite of what EndInSight suggested but I think it's possibly more appropriate so, Ron, are you maybe trying to suppress what's happening in your mind? If so, my guess is you'll almost always fail. In my experience you have to learn to just be with what's in your head, let it go by realizing you can't control it. I's just a natural part of experience, all the time. I'm not sure "direct mode" requires that you have a silent mind. In fact. I strongly suspect it actually requires noise and "stuff" arising or there would be nothing to work with. If we could actually silence our minds we wouldn't need to master anything else

yeah - I can see that point too. It really boils down to mindfulness, i think. What is happening during the busy work parts of my day is that the mindfulness just decreases tremendously. I'm off making plans, thinking through problems, etc. and I'm not really doing any of it with a present-moment awareness. I just get lost and after a day I'm like - 'what happened to my practice?" DM requires that I don't get caught up in any stories, and that is where I'm getting hung up...

An idea I'm going to give a try is the Pomodoro Technique ( www.pomodorotechnique.com/ ) - basically you break your day up into 25 minute work/5 minute rest intervals. During the rest could be the 3rd gear focus.

If you have a phone with a timer or an alarm set the timer/alarm to go off every 15 minutes or so. Make sure the phone is set to "vibrate only." Put the phone in your pocket. When it goes off, pay attention, be mindful, wake up

I'm finding that if I do a concentration practice first thing in the morning it helps to stay mindful throughout the day. I've been doing a metta practice (after the first cup of joe) and then switching over to DM during the day. Being present in the moment is step one, then DM can follow. Turns out that my mind is the place where "I" feel most at home and the body is a bit of a foreign country. I'm learning to settle in there.

Kenneth's ships in the harbor practice is turning out to being a helpful addition to DM. I'm not sure why, but the two seem to complement each other. I can alternated between the two without diminishing the other. In fact, they seem to build on one another...

Ron,

The ships in the harbour generates positive mind states and I think doing that really helps make the mind more pliable and less distracted. This is obviously an aid to DM in that regard.

Are you doing the grounding practice mainly at this point or are you also incorporating the seeing as an artist aspect?

Also, I re-read Antero's journal recently and had several conversations with him. I was hitting a wall in terms of direct mode, but his suggestion to note mind states while feeling them in the body triggered something which seems to have resulted in a permanent change in baseline. Basically it caused some very intensely negative, dukkha nana like cycling of negative mind-state and body sensations, and once that settled down, the mind became much more equanimous.

I haven't heard of the seeing like an artist aspect - what is that?

Also, I've been trying to note mind states, but they are very vague and ill-defined for me. Sometimes I find a tension in the body but I cannot really say what my mind state is other than "searching for stuff in the body"...

Had a brief but helpful discussion with Nik yesterday in which he gave me some pointers for DM practice. He gave me what is turning out to be a very important pointer. Up until now I've been searching the body looking for rather gross sensations to use as a base for DM, but what he offered was that this was essentially not needed. Rather, if you focus on the subtle vibrations of the body, and then look for the strongest vibrations of all, they are all in the upper part of the midline of the body (for me anyway). The key is to place attention there and rest it there, and that is "holding the switch." For some reason this just never clicked for me until that conversation, and now it makes sense. Today I was able to hold that switch for longer periods than before.

Additionally, Nik reminded me that there is a lot of potential in focusing attention on the sweet spot that he describes on the Hamilton Project. I've done a little of that too, and it has a pretty strong and immediate effect.

My goal, now that I finally know where the switch is, is to stay on it and hold it and see what happens. I am going to hold off on noting emotions for now, because I confuse myself with that. Rather I'm just going to hold the switch and watch where it goes. I'm curious to run this experiment and see if emotions transform the way people describe it.

Feeling optimistic...

OK, something is definitely working. I can't really say yet what is changing, but there is something to this practice. I haven't even been all that good about holding the switch, but still there is an overall impact on my emotional life that is really positive. Erin isn't sure what is going on but she likes the change for sure.

So I'm finding that the key is to have two foci for mindfulness: the body sensations and the present moment. If I lose either of those the practice falls apart. But if I can stay aware of the body, especially the feeling of vibration in the upper body (which is, I think what people are referring to when they are talking about "being") then a few things happen: my overall mood goes from whatever it was to simultaneously calm and joyful, the visual field becomes wonderful, and the body relaxes further. And if I can keep a present-moment focus then body focus becomes natural. The difficulty comes when I'm doing paperwork or am doing some deep thinking for work, then I tend to lose both of those things, and they seem to take a while to come back...

The problem is, as before, sticking with it. I can do so for long periods now, and that is having an effect, but I am getting the sense that you need to stay on the switch practically all the time for days before you can let go and the practice will do itself.

We'll see...

Ron, one thing I would offer here is that what's really important in my experience is full and complete surrender to the present moment. Not just being present but REALLY being present, and just that. If I approach it that way it's easier to stay with it. And yes, there is an amazing clarity and serenity that comes from just being, right here and right now. It is the ultimate disembedding.

Chris - you can offer whatever you like and i'll practice it! Thanks for this support and pointer.

You know, being completely present moment has always been a bit of a challenge for me, and now that my practice has matured somewhat that fact is becoming a glaring issue.

For me, the problem is that I live mostly in my head. In psychology I'm what we call an "intellectualizer" (I suspect we have more than a few of these folks on the forum), in that I just love playing with concepts so much that is hard to disembed. It's like my default state is daydreaming, not in a escapist sense, but about the world around me...

Third gear is most definitely the place for my practice to grow right now, but I have always found it so confounding.

" In psychology I'm what we call an "intellectualizer" (I suspect we have more than a few of these folks on the forum), in that I just love playing with concepts so much that is hard to disembed. "

Yup, I suspect I might not be alone. At least that's my concept, too.

Yay! I just discovered that they stopped blocking wetpaint at work - so I can post more regularly.

I'm finding that when I bring attention to the vibrations in the upper part of the body, they initially become course and stronger, then they calm down and become very fine. It is easy to lose mindfulness in the moments when they become fine, but if I do not I experience an expansiveness and clarity...