A path journal II

So, since I likely got stream entry a few weeks ago (I should add that I spoke with Kenneth about this and he was convinced by my descriptions...though ultimately it's up to "me" to figure it out for sure, right?), I'm starting a new journal. (See here, starting at post 32 for the details: kennethfolkdharma.wetpaint.com/thread/42...set=20&maxResults=20 )

I'm going to try to post practice notes a bit more frequently, but we'll see how that goes I'm out of "practice" posting my notes, so any tips for clarification would be welcome. I have some other observations, but I'll start with a sit that just ended:

2/23 30 minutes: Out loud noting

Noted mind states while getting ready for sit '” mostly desire, anticipation, boredom, impatence

Sat down, resolved to renounce any previous attainments to move on the next path so that I could reach 4th path ASAP for the benefit of all beings.

Beginning with the first foundation, I mainly noted fluttering (of the visual field, which was tight in focus and a dull purplish haze), hearing, seeing, (head) pressure for about a minute, then I began noting highly vibratory itches and vibrations in my feet, which soon turned into sharper itches that spread over the body and remained throughout the sitting. At some point, my face began to squeeze tightly (squeezing, squeezing) so following Kenneth's advice I encouraged it and the visual field became brilliant (seeing, seeing), then I let it go, noting the calm vibrations in the face.

Soon after, I started shaking '” my arm at first, then my whole body, with my head moving up and down and also my torso spontaneously contracting (I've had some intense kundalini/kriya shaking on and off since the summer, now full-on due to bodywork releasing even more energy). This continued for some time (shaking, swaying).

(cont'd below)

(cont'd)

Switched to mind states, noting mainly aversion, annoyance, impatience '” occasionally anxiety and fear cropped up. Reverted back to 1F due to the continued shaking. Noted a lot of pain in the throat and tension in the left temple. At some point my attention switched to the visual field as I noticed/noted certain parts brightening or maybe just becoming more clear. Around this time I also began to feel sluggish and tired. I occasionally noted thoughts about path, the future, mapping, etc.

My attention randomly moved up to the top of my head and I noted a persistent spot that was tingling with vibrations continuously. Soon after, the bell rang.
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So, SE was about two weeks ago. I've just been having very open sits where I've explored the increasing strength in jhana, tasted the formless realms (5&6th mostly), and just explored the new sense of spaciousness. But I think I need to move along and so the main things I've noticed in respect to cycling and path progression that may be of note are:

A few major A&P states where I've been really high energy and energetic movement

The weekend of the event, I had this strange experience of being "out of step" with my movements -- this was felt in the head most especially. I'd move, but then I had a sense of almost vertigo (minus the nausea) where it felt like some part of "me" behind or above my head took a moment to catch up. I felt this again early today going out for a walk. Could this be Cause & Effect?

I think my resolution for moving on to another path might have stuck, as an earlier sit today where I also made this resolution felt very painful in the seat (M&B?) and now in this sit sharp itches were most prevalent (3C?).

Any tips, suggestions, or further question would be greatly welcome. Thanks!

"So, SE was about two weeks ago.

...


I think my resolution for moving on to another path might have stuck, as an earlier sit today where I also made this resolution felt very painful in the seat (M&B?) and now in this sit sharp itches were most prevalent (3C?).



"

Chris, congratulations on the progress you're making!

I'm kinda confused about post path mapping, so no advice there... but for what it's worth, make sure you enjoy every step of the journey, ok?

edit: that might sound condescending -- didn't mean it that way!!! Progress just seems to happen post SE, so my point was just not to worry about where you were on just a few sits -- it will probably become more obvious with more data points and there's probably a lot of fun experiences to have along the way.

"Chris, congratulations on the progress you're making!

I'm kinda confused about post path mapping, so no advice there... but for what it's worth, make sure you enjoy every step of the journey, ok?

edit: that might sound condescending -- didn't mean it that way!!! Progress just seems to happen post SE, so my point was just not to worry about where you were on just a few sits -- it will probably become more obvious with more data points and there's probably a lot of fun experiences to have along the way. "

Thanks betawave! No worries, you didn't sound condescending -- I appreciate the advice. You're right, I should give it time. I think part of it is still some doubt creeping in because even though I had a clear event and have had big changes in my experience since then along with other signs, since the afterglow has faded I no longer have the constant validation despite the change in experience. So I feel a need to find out "where I'm at"...but time will tell.

So some more "data points":

Felt increasingly irritated and annoyed yesterday. Late last night sat for 30 minutes. Kind of a dull, solid sit with some itches but not many. Felt a sense of anticipation and a very strong, heavy pressure in the 3rd eye, like a ball of molten metal that was gaining weight, was sitting in my head. Visual space was a dispersed bluish purple.

Meditating while going to bed I felt a sense of paranoia about mundane issues, but I can't tell if that's just my 'normal' mind doing its usual neurotic thing

In the middle of the night I woke up with feelings of INTENSE fear, misery and disgust, emphasis on disgust. Was having a dream involving gross blood sucking worms. I felt this sense of awefulness wrapped around my arms and whole being. It persisted for the 10-15 minutes I remained awake to the point where I was groaning.
(cont'd below)

(cont'd)

Woke up unusually early this morning from another dream, this time emphasis on fear. Had been laying on my stomach and felt some weird 'reverse nimitta' on the back of my head. You know how in really strong jhana, nimitta descends and breaks on the forehead, sending this burning cool blissfull liquidness flowing under the skin from the forehead down the face (anyone?), well it felt like that (minus the bliss'¦just pure physicality of energetic coolness pulsating under the skin) that starting around the bump at the back of my head and seemed to spread to the whole back of my head and lower back.

~25 min sit just now: Solidness (especially) in the head continues. Visual field tight and close, not very bright. Sense of anticipation (not sure if I'm 'scripting' but it may be justified at this point). The cool burning sensation described above continued and strengthened and I still feel it off cushion. It feels kundalini related, as when sitting I felt the cool burning along my spine, from my midback up to the back of my skull (seemed to have a energy blockage there earlier). Definitely not a sense of riding the jhanic arc and cycling through the nanas (a la review phases A & . So I could be on a new path.

Is this like before, where I only cycle up to my 'cutting edge'?

Also, a question about review phase even though it may be over -- the fruition one can initiate via the "eye flutter" - can those show up walking around and/or during non-equanimity stages of a sit? It seemed I was having those visual "hard stops" all the time during sits and off-cushion.

"Is this like before, where I only cycle up to my 'cutting edge'?"-ChrisTK

Yes, at any given time your are either in review or the new cycle. In the new cycle, you just ride the arc up to your cutting edge and back down.

"Also, a question about review phase even though it may be over -- the fruition one can initiate via the "eye flutter" - can those show up walking around and/or during non-equanimity stages of a sit? It seemed I was having those visual "hard stops" all the time during sits and off-cushion."-ChrisTK

Yes, you can learn to call up fruitions while standing in line at the supermarket.

During this next phase, you will alternate seemingly at random between review and the new cycle. About the time you have a clear A&P event for the new cycle, review will become ever more inaccessible.

Thanks, good to know. But are those "hard stops" I was (not) seeing during nana's besides equanimity also fruitions? Especially during the first few minutes of A&P they seemed all over the place, but maybe it's just the volatility of the phase shifts and energy movement that increased during Review...

"But are those "hard stops" I was (not) seeing during nana's besides equanimity also fruitions?"-ChrisTK

No, not necessarily. Over time you'll get better at telling the difference.

"Especially during the first few minutes of A&P they seemed all over the place..."-ChrisTK

You wouldn't expect to get fruitions during the A&P. They come from the equanimity nana, although how much time it takes to get from A&P to equanimity during review can very greatly; it might be almost instantaneous at times. But during the initial A&P of any cycle, there won't be any fruitions; they only happen at the path moments and during review.

"You wouldn't expect to get fruitions during the A&P. They come from the equanimity nana, although how much time it takes to get from A&P to equanimity during review can very greatly; it might be almost instantaneous at times. But during the initial A&P of any cycle, there won't be any fruitions; they only happen at the path moments and during review."

Ah, that clarifies a few things!

Nice, Chris!
Congratulations!

Hey Chris - it's been a long time since we met, but I just dropped in to check your journal and found you at first path -congrats!

I'm with betawave on this: things seem to happen all on their own after stream entry. It's all about using a technique that helps you get out of the way so the path can unfold all on its own. It's like betawave once told me after SE - "Now your goose is in the pot!"

Meekan, Ron thank you both for the congratulations! I need to in turn thank you both for your consistent journaling which has been so helpful for me along the way

More to report:

The cool/hot burning sensation has continued throughout the day varying in intensity but persistent. Waking up this morning, it was as if something 'broke' open or cleared up inside my head during sleep around the knob at the back of the head (the 'occipital condyle" or something...) to allow all of this stuff to flow around. In the past few days there had been a lot of vibrations around this area so this seems like a progression. Here are some further notes from the day:

3:31 PM - Close up vision seems especially stereoscopic. While walking with a coffee in hand, watching the light distort and bounce off of the liquid was like a sober tripout. (Later) Ticklish energetic feel on top of head that seems connected to a similar feeling near my mid back where I had a previous blockage (at least, in previous times of 'kundalinia rising' the electrical energy would stop at that point'¦interestingly, also had a large bump develop there recently as well though it's starting to disappear).

11:44 PM '” Just finished a sit that was only going to be an informal 15 minutes, but ended being 50 because it was so pleasant and interesting (though, strangely, there is a sense of not being as embedded in the pleasantness'¦again, this sense of disaggregation, of not having a stake in things, remains to some extent). The burning coolness that had been playing at the top and back of my skull and down the spine to the midpoint increased in intensity and the purple visual space gradually brightened over time. A strong feeling of 'whole brained' meditation, as if the two halves were finally beginning to work properly together. This was very open ended and exploratory, switching from noting to breath counts. The cool burning sensation remains.

This seems very 2nd-jhana-ey, right? as I would describe the burning hot/coolness (make sense to anyone? Think icy hot) as 'blissful'. Though again, it's a very different relationship to it'¦as if I am not as invested in it as much (even though it is enjoyable and part of me likes the pleasantness, of course).

Ok, so the past few days on and off cushion I have experienced '” vertigo-type imbalances in walking, sharp bright itches breaking out in sits, maniacal happiness/interest/excitement (though fortunately I can just kind of watch it and not let it get too out of hand) and now this energy breakout. Interesting, either I'm finally getting a taste of stronger 2nd jhana in review (previously 4th J had been the only one that I was experiencing as stronger'¦probably because that was my 'cutting edge' for so long)'¦or this is/is the build up to A&P...or whatever it is, I'll just try to get out of the way as everyone suggests

Lingering doubts are falling away as this is a radically different experience than anything before'¦

2:44 PM - 40 minute sit: 20 samatha/20 minute mixed silent noting + 3rd gear

The burning coolness continues to develop. I feel it in my face, the bridge of my nose, the temples, my forehead, back of the head, and down the spine in varying degrees at various times. It feels like my whole head has opened up somehow. Also, there is some of this sensation on the surface of my arms and chest.

It was a fairly calm sit, the visual field slowly brightening to a medium level. For me, the best way to describe the visual field is like space '” there's a background blackness, with a purple hazy cloud of gas, and then various tiny points of ethereal light (stars?), which all shift to some degree to nana/jhana. There is some sense of depth, but it's vague at this point.

For the first 15 minutes, it was quiet, the burning coolness building and moving around. Eventually began noting the visual field flashing which was anywhere from 4-7 Hz. Attention shifted to the 'stars' at various points which either brightened a little or appeared to do so because my attention shifted to them. Eventually awareness, which was somewhat tight on the visual field of the eyes, expanded to include the sides and back of the head, being more spacious and unrestricted overall.

There was one super strong, painful sharp itch in my foot that arose about 30 mins into the sit.

Did some mindfulness of the body, but the mind wandered a lot (wandering thoughts, wandering thoughts) so I resumed noting '” flashing, pressure, burning, tension, annoyance (occasionally, in reaction to the construction sounds in my building), were the main notes for this sit. 'Annoyance' was interesting to watch, as for some time I've noticed the reactionary contraction in my body in response to annoying (or other strongly pleasant/unpleasant) stimuli.