TMN Dharma - A Practice Thread

17/03/11

Vipassana - 50 mins (+ noting throughout the day)
Walking meditation - 10 mins

Achieved strong mindfulness with walking meditation, which I've switched to when I'm outside rather than just standing noting. I've been re-reading Mahasi Sayadaw's books and just found Sayadaw U Pandita's "In This Very Life", both of which have allowed me to refine my technique and really see through a lot of old conditioning which still remains. I realize that much of the speculation apparent in my previous posts has been due to poor technique and over complication, trying too hard to shoehorn experience to fit with what I "expected" to be happening.

Seated vipassana began with just staying with the breath, noting rising/falling, sitting/contact, hearing, thinking, visualizing, distracted, back to the breath and so on. Noted tension and discomfort at the neck, a hardness which seemed to break up into small vibrations when focused on. Immediately saw the visual field brighten like a light from above (noted seeing) which was accompanied by one intense, quick shot of energy (felt as, weirdly, warm nothingness) which caused my torso and head to rapidly shake like a spring from side to side. Noted movement, no emotion or mental image noted, and returned to the breath. Noted sitting, bending of the knees, movement/vibration at the knees, softness of the cushion and sensations of dissolving (dissolution?) into the ground.

Noted that bodily sensation was reduced below the neck, still noting the breath, hearing, taste and smell and saw mental images relating to fear (people kicking my door in), misery (getting sacked from my job figured highly in this visual burst) and disgust (A mouthful of cat-s*it and hair anyone? Ha!) but sat with everything and noted steadily. Noted definite "Desire for Deliverance" sensation passing quickly, noting wanting to get up, to move...

(Cont)

(Cont)

..just to give up on the whole thing basically. Bodily sensation felt like pressure building, moving upwards at the bottom of the skull accompanied by a slight tightness at the throat. Began becoming very distracted by the content of thoughts, noted distracted when this occurred and returned to the breath but found that sensation were being noted in clusters, like a complete picture. Noted awareness as spacious and became aware of the space in the room, outside and into the street which was followed by noting the "edges" of the whole body-sensation flickering. Quickly felt an upwards, expanding sensation from the center of the head as the visual field flickered, followed by that "What was....oh, that?!" feeling and a wave of blissfulness and peace. I briefly opened my eyes, noting intention, opening, seeing, before closing them again and resolving to complete another cycle.

Sat through very similar, but much deeper and clearer, sensations with more emphasis on really seeing the 3C's. After a point I felt that I was "trying" to get a fruition, then noted that "I" was trying to get involved with this and identify with each sensation, grasping and clutching at anything appearing in awareness which caused a backslide into 10th ñana as I was quickly assailed by a flurry of visuals and pains in my back, neck, and shoulders. Clearly noted each sensation, how each appears and vanishes, not moving position before another shows up, and felt sensations I associate with 11th ñana gradually become more apparent.

By this point there was no verbal thoughts or internal dialogue happening, just bare sensation of awareness which was being experienced as filling the entire room, sensation appeared and vanished. I noted hearing, only hearing which, with a very clear and distinct gap, was followed by the cognition of the object (the central heating switched on).

(Cont)

(Cont)

I looked at what was still experiencing sensation as the visual and auditory field flickered, followed by a feeling like reality cracking then a "blip" of nothing before a subtle, blissful wave flowed over me. I sat with this as I felt reality rebuilding itself and slowly opened my eyes, sat in silence for a minute and then lay down on the floor and enjoyed the afterglow.

This has been fairly typical of practice recently, I'm still not going to post reports daily but my practice schedule remains constant. Hopefully I'll get the chance to get on Socialeyes this weekend and have a chat!

Metta to y'all : )

29/03/11
Update/Practice/Delete As Applicable

I've been working with Kenneth's direct perception technique from his dharma talk on spiritual materialism throughout the day which has been an interesting experiment. I found a lot of stuff happening, mentally and physically, which I was overlooking during vipassana, particularly the more positive sensations which proved very useful later in the day.

I had to go see my brother and so I used the time for practice. I did breath counting solidly for the outward journey and maintained focus consistently for at least 10-15 minutes without break, but I was forced to break the focus there as I ended up in a disagreement with the conductor over their ineffective credit card systems (long story), their desire to charge me double fare due to this and my refusal to accept it! Noting began......(looseness) what? (questioning) No anger? (surprise) I was calm, unsurprised, confident, and advised the conductor that I would alight at the next station and pay there instead. I smiled, she stormed off. I was noting the hardness of the chair, tingling vibrations at the crown and acceptance that, regardless of what I said to the conductor, I would need to get off and go pay. I just used the time for walking meditation so I was a winner either way. Ha!

Anyhow. The return journey was more eventful due to the level of concentration established earlier, I noted silently and clearly, noting everything from my feet of the floor (hardness, contact, pressure, movement, pulsing) to the sensations of hearing as a bare sense, this led to moving into Equanimity and having the clearest experience I've ever had of formations, experienced as split-second "scenes" of the whole sensory field, all six sense doors at once as a whole. I blanked out for a moment only realizing an instant later as I became aware of external sounds becoming coherent....

(Cont. Below)

(Cont)

....and the visual field becoming lighter at the center in a sort of vesica piscis sort of shape. I continued noting until I got back home and had some interesting insights on the way, although I don't know that it would be useful to discuss them in this thread.

Just before I posted I had been reading about 3rd gear, I'd been thinking about surrender and noticed that there was still some clinging to this idea of a self which was noted. I returned to reading only to feel a shift into 3rd gear a moment later, totally different to what I could ever had "thought" it was and, cliched as it sounds, beyond any sort of words which could describe it other than "this", no capital letter, no bold type, just this. The first line I typed when I came on here, which I deleted and laughed at, was "I just saw it". Ha!

As for any perceptual changes since Saturday, I've noticed a lot more stuff that's different in the last two days and tonight was the most major shift yet. In short, I can see this "Tommy" guy who, for all intents and purposes, is me but there's no identification with him or those thoughts that I once considered "mine" anymore. There's much more awareness of being in this moment, future and past thoughts, those which cause anxiety in particular, dissolve instantly on noting them which has stopped a lot of stress and reduced suffering immensely.

It's been an interesting few days, possibly got 3rd Path, possibly talking out of my arse, but I just wanted to update the thread since I've neglected recording practice for the last while. I'm going to practice nirodha samapatti tonight, given the level of concentration that's happening today I think it could be interesting at the very least!

30/03/11

I'm pretty sure I'm getting into NS now although I didn't realize it'd happened till after coming back to consciousness until tonight when I saw the whole shutdown. What I'm noticing when coming back "online" doesn't feel like post-fruition, it's different and feels more restful like after a deep sleep, still blissful but in a much deeper and more profound way. Just posting a quick update after sitting for 1.5 hours.

05/04/11

Just listened to Kenneth's new podcast and felt inspired to post. I've missed two nights formal practice due to other commitments but the noting and other exercises (e.g. direct mode, 2nd gear) have continued through the day. I sat for an hour tonight and really felt the effect of missing my normal sits, like starting a car on a cold morning, it took a few cycles of breath counting to get into the groove.

Started with noting in couplets of sensation and feeling-tone, noted a thick trembling wave from the knees to the waist which tapered off towards the solar plexus are and became thinner, more spread out and lighter. Noted a hollow feeling in the abdomen, unpleasant, with little "pops" (just very dense clusters of burning or jagged sensation appearing and vanishing as soon as they were noted) of painful sensations at the collarbone area, top of the chest, lower back and left side. Noted a bubbling sensation at the base of my spine, neutral in tone, which spread across the body and changed to a more tingling, jagged sensation noted particularly over the arms and shoulders.

Noted tension in the top of the chest accompanied by fear of death through various methods. This zipped around with every little pain before it became quite funny and vanished as quickly as it appeared leaving a quietness, a still calmness. I became distracted here and found myself becoming very absorbed into a jhana, the visual field sank into blackness so I noted this, the shift in focus to this apparent solidity of this darkness and gradually broke it down again which left the attention very wide.

(Cont)

(Cont)

Dropped to just being aware of sensation, not labelling, just sitting with what arose and seeing everything as pure vibrations of varying frequencies, intersecting with each other and shifting with each breath. I enjoyed the silence and peacefulness but slowly noted these sensations and those which were making up this body, for some reason I got a fruition while observing my teeth and, after the break in continuity, felt a sense of sinking very, very deeply into my body.

This probably took about 15-20 minutes and I had set my alarm for one hour so I decided to move onto samatha. I did a bit of work on the killswitch technique for NS but I find that I can't let go as easily with this method as naturally going through the jhanas in order, I'm getting a clear sinking, or more of a falling back sort of feeling and a deepening, like getting into really hard jhana, accompanied by sensation getting more distant. It's like being on the verge of consciousness but there's still this sense of being unable to let go. More work to do I suppose!

I've got a lesson with Kenneth tomorrow which I'm really, really looking forward too and I'm planning my mini-retreat so it's all dharmatastic at the moment. Once I come back from retreat I'll start a new thread 'cause I feel that this weekend will be an important turning point in my practice and, combined with Kenneth's teaching before I go, I feel I'm hitting the reset button again, getting back to basics, seeing clearly just how little I actually know and devoting myself to the dharma.

Metta to y'all,
Tommy

"05/04/11

Just listened to Kenneth's new podcast and felt inspired to post. I've missed two nights formal practice due to other commitments but the noting and other exercises (e.g. direct mode, 2nd gear) have continued through the day. I sat for an hour tonight and really felt the effect of missing my normal sits, like starting a car on a cold morning, it took a few cycles of breath counting to get into the groove.

Started with noting in couplets of sensation and feeling-tone, noted a thick trembling wave from the knees to the waist which tapered off towards the solar plexus are and became thinner, more spread out and lighter. Noted a hollow feeling in the abdomen, unpleasant, with little "pops" (just very dense clusters of burning or jagged sensation appearing and vanishing as soon as they were noted) of painful sensations at the collarbone area, top of the chest, lower back and left side. Noted a bubbling sensation at the base of my spine, neutral in tone, which spread across the body and changed to a more tingling, jagged sensation noted particularly over the arms and shoulders.

Noted tension in the top of the chest accompanied by fear of death through various methods. This zipped around with every little pain before it became quite funny and vanished as quickly as it appeared leaving a quietness, a still calmness. I became distracted here and found myself becoming very absorbed into a jhana, the visual field sank into blackness so I noted this, the shift in focus to this apparent solidity of this darkness and gradually broke it down again which left the attention very wide.

(Cont)"

Nice reports Tommy!

"the visual field sank into blackness so I noted this"
Do you meditate with eyes open or closed?

"I've got a lesson with Kenneth tomorrow which I'm really, really looking forward too and I'm planning my mini-retreat so it's all dharmatastic at the moment. Once I come back from retreat I'll start a new thread 'cause I feel that this weekend will be an important turning point in my practice and, combined with Kenneth's teaching before I go, I feel I'm hitting the reset button again, getting back to basics, seeing clearly just how little I actually know and devoting myself to the dharma.

Metta to y'all,
Tommy"

Looking forward to updates.

07/04/11
Pre-Retreat Report

Firstly, thanks to Omni for the support. To answer your question, I always meditate with my eyes closed at the moment, although I've worked with eyes open too.

I had my first lesson with Kenneth last night and it was a wonderful experience, he instantly put me at ease and the whole session was a joy. It was my first experience of ping-pong noting and I found it difficult at first to note out loud, but Kenneth directed me and brought me to a much better and more precise technique. I've never worked with a teacher before but I would emphatically recommend this to anyone serious about making progress as, even in the short time we spoke, I found a completely new and clear approach which I'm already seeing the benefits of.

I've been busy preparing for this retreat so I haven't sat down tonight to practice although I've been experimenting with the 'eye mudra' which Kenneth taught me last night throughout the day. At present I'm just writing down some stuff from the site about detailed noting and walking meditation, planning my journey, practice schedule and organizing some dharma talks for listening to at night. I'm going to take my video camera with me and keep a video diary of the trip (not interfering with practice) as I think it'll be worthwhile to be able to record this, Arran is a really beautiful place and the ferry crossing is amazing looking. I'll be doing walking meditation at dawn and dusk so capturing that would be pretty cool. I might post some of it online if anyone would be interested in seeing it.

Anyhow, I just wanted to post a thank you. I'll start a new thread when I come back and let you know what happens.

Metta up y'er sushumna,
Tommy

Best of luck Tommy!!
Looking forward to hearing how it goes. You've made some Impressive progress without a teacher.

Way to go! Would be nice to see those video recordings!

Back to the real-world....well.....as real as it can be. Ha! I'll be posting some notes, some rambling and a general update on the retreat later tonight. My ******* perfectionist side insists that I edit and do some post-production on the video stuff before I put it online, fair enough much of it is me talking sh*te into the camera and looking decidedly uncomfortable but hopefully it may provide a bit of entertainment and make light of this whole malarkly.

Thanks again for the support folks!