Nick's Practice Notes Number 3

OK, found the thread on the new site:
tinyurl.com/25qkpj6
About 3/4 of the way through it.

"Chelek: By 'riding the wave' I mean that I stay right in the present with sensations as they come up and one key aspect of those is something I can only call 'heart energy'. Let's say that this 'heart energy' has a 'flavor' of sadness '“ in the past I would have denied or repressed it and what would happen is that it would 'spring forth' and represent itself as a whole world 'out there' complete with all kinds of judgment, anger etc. (not that I was ever aware of this '“ this is hindsight speaking). Now, in order to 'ride the wave' I have to take in or be fully present with that heart energy '“ to really allow it to be felt and in a sense own it. There is a sense of wholeness or completeness with this practice. I have also found that if it gets away from me and is projected then I can in a sense recover that heart quality by 'unwrapping the world', throwing away the mental wrapper, and taking in the 'heart energy' that is still buried inside '“ sort of 'plan B' if you will."

Thanks, Chuck. This is beautiful. One of the common misconceptions about practicing with and transforming emotions is that they are somehow repressed or ignored. As your description shows, it's just the opposite; emotions are transformed by turning toward them and feeling them deeply in the body.

"It became so clear that the turning away from the sensations was what was causing the suffering. The habitual tendency to feel repulsed by them. Thus, that habit is being turned on its head." -Nikolai

Right! It is this very turning away from experience that allows the emotions to be seen as "things" in their own right and invested with self and suffering. Emotions are not things any more than the self is a thing. There is only this flow of experience. By turning toward experience, especially the body sensations that come as a natural and inevitable consequence of moving through life in this body, the plug gets pulled on what Eckhart Tolle calls the pain body. And like all mirages, once the pain body is seen for what it truly is, i.e., a constellation of body sensations and mental impressions, life goes on as before... but without the misperception and with less suffering.

"It became so clear that the turning away from the sensations was what was causing the suffering. The habitual tendency to feel repulsed by them. Thus, that habit is being turned on its head." -Nikolai

Prior to 4th, I had a 'not-self' strategy. If something repulsed me then I just thought to myself 'Not Self!' and tossed it aside. After 4th when I tried doing that it was like the thing just wouldn't go away - it would come back and bite me.

In the Suttas, there is something called 'destruction of the asavas by one who knows and sees' [Asavas: Mental effluent or fermentation]

"The ASIKKHA path: The Path taken by one who is no longer seeking: The walk that is both seen and lived. The destruction of the ASAVAS entails "seeing" this Path as it really is, and then letting go"

See: tinyurl.com/2a75ywe
Very related: tinyurl.com/25xxtcn (Downbound Confounded Rebounding Conjuration)

The assumption is that by 4th path everything should be finished - but it is just the point that we can finally come to know and see what is going on. And at that point, letting go becomes the only option.

Turning away from emotions can't deliver true freedom simply because what underlies these emotions is so integral to who we really are. To deny or turn away from our emotions is giving in to fear and giving our emotions a solidity and power that is unwarranted. To be fully present with them is to move through them and beyond. As Hokai said: "vertically, we can evolve beyond relative identification with basic emotions, and develop a dynamic meta-emotional personal stream, with emotional states being an expression and augmentation of our stage of realization". Compare with Bernadette Roberts 'Pure Subjectivity' and what Adyashanti calls 'Flow'.

I never really understood anything Hokai said or wrote. And I always took cryptic writing/speaking as an indication of poor content. "Develop a dynamic meta-emotional personal stream" is exactly the kind of expression that could mean absolutely anything, and thus, of course, actually means nothing at all.

So how is it Nikolay, what is your goal exactly? You guys got me all mixed up with these new terms. Is "the end of self contraction" a permanent PCE, or, as I have come to know it, an "actual freedom"? If not, then what's the difference?

hi Bruno,

My current goal is to end stress via "purification of view" so to speak. To come out of misreading the aggregates as "I AM" , to purify the view of "not-self" to the point where there is no more craving nor aversion nor restlessness nor conceit arising and causing stress. In other words my wish is to reach the attainment of the fetter free arhat, whatever that may be. And no, I am not currently going for AF nor actively cultivating PCEs.

And i truly don't know the difference and am kind of over the whole AF is better than this and that and yeh yeh yeh. I'm tired of it and feel more inclined to walk the path I set out on until the end of it. If it is missing something when/if i get there I'll let you know.. For the moment I am returning to my theravada roots.

Nick

Is there a clear description of what this fetter free arhat is? I read you guys talking about it, but haven't gotten to read what this model is.

Abandon anger,
be done with conceit,
get beyond every fetter.
When for name & form
you have no attachment
'” have nothing at all '”
no sufferings, no stresses, invade.

221, Dhammapada

Hey Bruno,

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fetter_(Buddhism)

The Pali canon's Sutta Pitaka identifies ten "fetters of becoming":
belief in an individual self (Pali: sakkāya-diṭṭhi)
doubt or uncertainty, especially about the teachings (vicikicchā)
attachment to rites and rituals (sīlabbata-parāmāso)
sensual desire (kāmacchando)
ill will (vyāpādo or byāpādo)
lust for material existence, lust for material rebirth (rūparāgo)
lust for immaterial existence, lust for rebirth in a formless realm (arūparāgo)
conceit (māno)
restlessness (uddhaccaŋ)
ignorance (avijjā)

Working on the last 7 fetters. The destruction of the asavas indeed.

""Develop a dynamic meta-emotional personal stream" is exactly the kind of expression that could mean absolutely anything."

How does a person fully released live in this world? What motivates them? In Taoist terms, wu wei.

When you see with discernment,
'All fabrications (formations/sankharas) are inconstant' '”
you grow disenchanted with stress.
This is the path
to purity.

When you see with discernment,
'All fabrications are stressful' '”
you grow disenchanted with stress.
This is the path
to purity.

When you see with discernment,
'All phenomena are not-self' '”
you grow disenchanted with stress.
This is the path
to purity.

www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/kn/dhp/dhp.20.than.html

So an interesting development I thought I'd record here before i forget about it as can happen.

I think it is due to the nama and rupa noting practice but it has begun to cultivate a great dispassion for the aggregates. And faster than i had thought. There is now, some sort of decision I can make in the mind where a specific "view" is taken up of not caring not one iota for any of the aggregates.

Seeing them from this completely 100% dispassionate view causes the mind to immediately shift into the most peaceful state I can imagine and within a few seconds, the mind inclines naturally and without any manipulation into cessation , into nirodha samapatti. It seems the most pure and effortless way to attain to NS. Stop caring about the aggregates. Stop grasping at them. Let them go as "self". They are but aggregates no more. become weary of them. This does not mean cultivating aversion to them but seeing them with a dispassionate / disenchanted/ discerning right view as the Buddha said often. When you see with discernment, you see them as they are. And there is nothing but sffering in attaching self identification to them. Nothing but...

This helpful link relates very well with what is happening to me. :

theravadin.wordpress.com/2009/03/06/nirodha-where-is-nibbana/

"It is also interesting to see that 'nibbida'(dispassion) and 'viraga' (indifference to pleasant, unpleasant and, neutral phenomena) are crucial for this to work. While i write and while you read this text all the time there is a constant nirodha (cessation) going on. But neither of us 'knows' this. We are wrapped in an ignorance '“ the ignorance of how this story is fabricated '“ we are concentrated on the delusional content. If we, however, would apply our sharp tools of vipassana meditation our viewpoint (cmp. Ven. Nyananandas beautiful parabel of the magic show) our point of view would undergo a slight but important change. Now we would see & experience the form vanish, but with out the haste and desire to grasp another one. It is like bungee jumping without rope'¦If you would fear such a jump or desire to be safe or even desire to die '“ you would find your leg bound by a rope'¦but if you were simply able to 'not care anymore' for any form, feeling, etc. even consciousness then then suddenly the jump would occur without a rope. Jumping and letting go '“ this is nirodho & patinissaggo (giving up) or nirodho and anupada (not being caught up in). The result is vimutto '“ freedom."

This is quite a development and I feel it still. NS is just a few disspasionate seconds away . I'm not sure what to say about it but it feels very important. There is no need to attach any importance to the aggreates. At times I feel that karma is pushing me in this direction regardless. I am starting to become weary of them (the aggregates), thus cessation naturally occurs. It seems to be a view that is getting cultivated and getting stronger and stronger. I only just realised now how much it is affecting me. The path to the end of suffering indeed.

Nick

You're an inspiring guy Nikolai Stephen Halay.

"You're an inspiring guy Nikolai Stephen Halay. -Jayson"

Damn right!

My mind inclines to change what it wants to do practice wise every week it seems. This last week, it feels pulled to a particular practice. Inspired by Chelek's posts on how his experience of cessation differs from a mahasi noting practitioner and from an exchange with triplethink, I have been returning to jhanas as a means of insight and continuing to strip down the layers of ignorance and defilement that seem to persist.

I have been taking on the idea that jhanas are there to teach me something. And I have taken the central them of "letting go" as the reason they are there.


Before I explain my current meditation set up, I have been experiencing some more developments post 4th path. Quite eye-opening for me. I had a session with Kenneth over a week ago and we talked about further progress after 4th path -TM.

At 7th stage, one sees through that subtle sense of I AM. That sense for me is always seemingly found at the place of the Witness, towards the middle of the brain. There seems to be this turning inwards to those sensations and then a mental image of a generic male face or myself overlays them a(or directly precedes them) and creates this sense of I AM. It occurs often whenever an object comes in contact through one of the six sense doors. It blinks in and out at times staying with those phenomena then returning 100% percent to the other object. For example when I am looking at an object with my eyes. The object comes in contact with my eyes and eye consciousness arises. The mind/body organism is 100% percent with the seen object. Seeing in the seen. Perception will cognize and conceptualize it, give it a name, perhaps evaluate it as something desirable or undesirable or neutral. When all this happens there will be an almost magnetic, automatic pull for the mind to register the phenomena that are misread as I AM. Attention will shift to those phenomena, stay for a moment or two, be read as I AM, then shift back to the seen object. Back and forth, back and forth. I gather that this is very obvious for me because when I used to cultivate getting PCE's it became quite easy to distinguish when the I AM did not present itself. So the difference is palpable. I now think that the PCE practice, far from being something that bordered on mental retardation as some might think, was actually a means to see what this mind body organism looked and felt like without that I AM establishing itself for long periods.

This shifting back and forth of the attention of the sense of I AM is like the mechanism or magic show that supports the feeling of subject and object duality. There is, it seems quite clear as day , that there is only object. That sense of I AM is presenting itself as a composite of sensations and thoughts/images and no more. Sanna or the perceiving part of the mind is misreading it all as I AM and more than this, it is all presenting as just another object. I knew this before. This was clear upon getting to 4th path. But something about it clicked over a week ago and has not changed. Some sort of illuminating on this fact occurred as I took it on board with more gusto and went investigating.


There's no subject whatsoever in anybody's experience in my current subject to change opinion. The magic show the mind puts on gives that feeling of there being a subject. It seems there is an angle I can take to allow this to become extremely clear. And the I AM misread phenomena lose some sort of subtle hold. I know it is all a mirage, but post 4th, that mirage could still play a part in my ignorance and unskillful actions. I have experimented with taking all of it as object, and this angle shifts the mind into some sort of zoned in-ness that is new to me. I am having trouble trying to describe it. Something shifted as I did this investigation and I can now choose my objects with much more choice as to what is paid attention to. Previously the sense of I AM would arise in awareness by itself , and without help. Now it seems I can choose to focus 100 % of my attention on any other object and resolve for the I AM object not to get picked up. Now this can either trigger PCEs very quickly or help me in what I am about to describe as my current meditation set up. I am over trying to cultivate the PCE. It occurs by itself these days without any intention. But the abilities of the mind seem to have been helped by this access and previous cultivation.

My Current Meditation Set Up

First, either sitting or lying down, I just relax completely. I might even do a quick sweep through the body to relax the muscles. If I feel some negativity on the body, I will relax the mind around it and embrace it. Then when the mind and body has relaxed to a degree I'll will the mind into the 1st jhana.

I allow the mind and body to relax completely into it. This is almost allowing it to go really 'hard'. But there is still room for discernment. When I feel the mind absorbing deeper into the jhana, the mind will incline to sense if there is any tension in the mind or body.

I will always feel a subtle tension in the way that one-pointedness and sense of effort conditions the 1st jhana. I focus on that tension created by those factors. And I allow them to drop away. I fully let go of them, seeing the inherent unpleasantness in those factors.

It really feels wonderful to let these factors go. As soon as they are let go of, the mind plops into the 2nd jhana naturally and I repeat the process in the next jhana. What I am noticing is, wherever there is tension in the jhana , that tension seems to be a factor in conditioning that particular jhana.

From the 2nd jhana, there is a subtle tension around the focus of the mind, and the tensing and grasping around the tranquility of the vibrations within the body. When that is all let go of, the focus shifts to the periphery of both mind and body. That is where the tension shifts too. Plop! Now in the 3rd jhana. When this is let go, all focus drops away and it is just the 4th jhana as one limbless blob of equanimous vibrations and no specific focus. Just a soft panoramic one.

The bodily vibrations are the tension in the 4th jhana. There is a subtle grasping at the sensations of the blob. When they're let go of, the body drops away as a focus and the mind is left to float in infinite space. Let go of the space as a tension and it drops away to leave the infinite consciousness looping back to that Witness spot. Drop that subtle grasping at that spot, and the mind shifts to consciousness floating in a sense of nothingness. Drop that subtle grasping at nothingness and the mind shifts to that strange experience of the perception going crazy, registering and not registering phenomena. Let go of perception and plop'¦nirodha occurs.

This whole practice is teaching me how to truly just let go. There is so much freedom in letting go. And it is such a pleasant blissful experience as well. It always ends in cessation. So far it hasn't resulted in what Chelek and triplethink have described of the 'deathless' but I feet it is peeling back layers of attachment and blindness. When in doubt, I let it go.

That is what noting does too but it sort of sets the mind up to expect to note something further and then something else and so on and on, so there is a subtle pushing of the mind to keep seeing what is there as opposed to letting it all go. It isn't really the same experience as just relaxing into the experience and letting go of any tension, getting subtler and subtler till the only tension that remains is consciousness itself.

And the subtle development in being able to take on an angle of seeing all of it as object has allowed me to be able to chose to spend 100% of the mind's attention on the jhanas and the tension felt, without that sense of I AM distracting that focus and energy so to speak. This ability also allows for an amazing power to generate metta. Previously I would feel the I AM jumping in and out of awareness to distract the mind and interrupt the metta generating. But when I resolve to have the sense of growing and multiplying vibrations flowing out of every pore of the body as the only object, the mind does this for longer and longer periods. And the metta flow is unhindered by any distractions. Quite a strange development to describe. Hmmmmm. Any way. That is where I currently am.

This is a really neat practice. Systematic surrender Thanks for writing this up!

"At 7th stage, one sees through that subtle sense of I AM. That sense for me is always seemingly found at the place of the Witness, towards the middle of the brain. (...) It blinks in and out at times staying with those phenomena then returning 100% percent to the other object."

Hey Nick! Does something similar to what happens in this point in the middle of the head (particularly the blinking in and out) also happens at the various chakra points in the spine? Do you think that the sensation of "self" is fabricated by those blinks?

And man, I haven't picked up any of those boom-boom super-love vibes on my own cosmic antena! I thought my name was on the list!

Speaking of generating feeling-tones, have you thought of trying to generate naiveté as a feeling-tone, in the same way as you would do a metta practice? I've been doing this a bit, and I wondered what would happen if someone with good concentration, such as yourself, would do this practice.

Hi Nick,
This is a really great write up. I have some questions:
Where or how do you sense awareness? Does it have location? Does it seem inside you looking out or is it everywhere and unlocatable?

When you go outdoors - say a park or something - do phenomena (including your body, trees etc) seem to simply arise within awareness or is there the sense of you as observer observing what is observed?

Hi Bruno,

Hmmm,I haven't ever noticed this phenomenon happening at the other chakra points. It always seems connected to the Witness spot. I currenly belive that there is something going on with the pattern of attention falling on that area to create the illsuion of an observer of any object. It too is an object. that is hidden in the illusion it seems.

I will send you a double dose of boom boom metta in my next session. Here is a small dose to keep you going till then.

**calls up fruition, bathes in bliss wave, mixxes bliss with metta vibes, sends them Bruno's way.**

They should arrive down through the top of your head as soon as you read this message. )

What I am discovering, and it's super hard to describe, is that something shifted recently while I was doing the practice above. i had some sort of vibrational activity at the heart and it it went really crazy and unpleasant but I was letting things go and I'm not sure what occurred, some shift, not sure. But the unpleasantness shifted downwards to the solar plexus. it felt out of norm. Really vibey, more than usual. It left me feeling more concentrated and in control of what I was able to focus on for long periods without distraction. I can kind of direct the mind with a kind of swooping effect in my mind. it seems like that when i imagine what I do. iIt's like you are trying to to get soemthing flowing on one course. It stops, flows for a short period, then stops, then you have to restart the flow in the desired direction. Like spinning a coin. If you want to spin it and make it keep spinning for a long period, you gotta spin it in just the right way. That is kind of how it feels.