Tina's Practice Notes

Hi Everyone!

Here's a bit of info. on how I ended up at KFDh. Like many others, I ended up hearing the BG interviews w/Daniel Ingram, then read through his book MCTB. From there I checked out Dharma Overground, left a few posts that were answered by Kenneth, and then ended up here. Before I finish my post I want to thank Kenneth for stripping the dhamma of all the bs and for the amazing community of yogis that have gathered here to help the "anti-mushroom" culture gain strength. Congratulations to all of you who have embarked on the important yet challenging endeavor to awaken and to those who are proving that householders can get it done.

I've been a lurker for several months, and my efforts at noting have been spotty. My concentration really sucks, and had the diagnosis of ADD existed when I was an adolescent, I might have been labeled as such. But, here I am sucky concentration and all, and so I'll start where I am and see what happens...or not.

I happen to be the Tina that Nyingje posted about in the "Noting till Death do us part" thread. What happened a few days ago was so intense, that I feel compelled to start my notes with this story.

continued...

I've been living with a few thyroid-related health issues for almost two years. Mostly things have been OK, but since April I've been on one hell of a roller coaster ride.

I decided to seek treatment with a Chinese acupuncturist/herbalist, and saw him for my first treatment on Saturday. Afterward, Nyingje suggested getting a bite out to eat. The only explanation I can think of for what happened next was that the acupuncture treatment may have released some blocked chi. Of course, the timing was a nightmare because we were in a public place.

A few bites into my salad, my heart starting pounding with such force that it felt as though my chest would explode. Nyingje saw the look on my face and suggested that I try to note my way through the sensations. So that's what I did, only I did it aloud in the restaurant!

It went something like this: pounding, pounding, pounding, unpleasant, fear, anxiety, rising, falling, inhale, exhale, hearing, annoyance, irritation, pounding, pounding, unpleasant, expansion, contraction, tightness, tension, unpleasant, coolness, pleasant, smelling, sitting, touching, tingling, pulsating, burning, unpleasant, intention, reaching, grabbing, raising, swallowing, wet, cold, pleasant, lowering, releasing, pounding, pounding unpleasant....and on it went like that at 1-2 notes per second (damn! I didn't think I could ever note that fast!) until things started to settle down. It could have been five minutes or 15, I don't know, but when stuff like that happens, you lose track of time.

Anyway, it's a dramatic start to a practice journal, but I was noting in Hell, and it got my through. Normally, my thoughts could have spun off into a "what if" scenario that would have triggered a full-blast panic attack. Not this time!

Thank you to all of you veteran noters!

I've been following everyone's threads for quite some time, and it's all been so inspiring to me! I feel so much joy for all of you! So, why the delay in starting with my practice notes?

Like I said above, my concentration is pretty lousy, so this doesn't do much for feeling confident. Also, I'm having some difficulty making sense of all this talk of the maps, jhanas, nanas, strata, etc. When I read this stuff, I'm like, huh?!, how the hell could I work up enough concentration to navigate such territory, and how would I know if I did?

So, I've decided to chuck all of that stuff in favor of just jumping in feet first and not being concerned with anything else but paying attention to my experience. I'll put aside analysis, intellectualization, and philosophizing. So far none of that has done a bit of good and I'm certain it has delayed my progress. For too long I've been wondering if I'm noting correctly, ie, fast enough, noting enough phenomena, using the right words, and looking for instead of looking at.

I'm going to make a sincere attempt to Just Do It and see what happens. I won't know unless I try, and I know that I'm in good company on this forum. I look forward to all of your honesty and suggestions along the way.

Tina

Awesome!!!! Welcome Tina. I just got asked by a friend if noting could be useful even though he suffers from PArkinson's. I gave him the answer that it doesnt matter what disease or physical ailment one has, it just provides more grist for the mill. More phenomena to note and dis-embed from. More fuel for you rocket ship to awakening. Evrything can be noted and thus that is why it is so powerful. Nothing escapes it. No phenomena is unnotable.

If you start a solid noting practice all of those jhanas, nanas etc will make more sense as you progress. Don't worry about them too much. Just start your noting practice and you will receive a lot of support here from all the yogis doing the same. Have you contacted Kenneth?

Mudita,

Nick

Hi Nick!

Yes, I've had a Skype session with Kenneth, and I've also been lucky enough to receive instruction at his house. I'm sure I could benefit from a few more practice sessions with him via Skype, but in the meantime, I'm just going to take the plunge with noting as best I can. I may even make a point of practicing aloud for a while until I get into a groove.

Thanks for your support and congratulations, or should I say...WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!

Metta,

Tina

30 min. seated noting.

As close as I can get from memory: restlessness, fidgeting, confusion, doubt, sitting, touching, hearing, rising, falling, touching, tingling, tension, unpleasant, pounding, pounding, unpleasant, pulsing, tingling (hands), hearing, annoyance, pressure (forehead), dullness, heaviness, wetness, swallowing, relief, pleasant, itching, itching, itching, intention, moving, scratching, relief, pleasant, throbbing, tingling (face), pressure (top of head), numbness, pins & needles, unpleasant, intention, shifting, relief, pleasant, tingling (lips & face), swelling (lips & face), inhaling, exhaling, hearing, curiosity, sleepiness, etc.

Until the next session,

Tina

wow, welcome!
hey, my concentration is and was horrible.
i've managed to get to first path anyway by just jumping into noting and figuring out a technique that worked for me (with a lot of help from everyone here)
I still don't have a good understanding of all the nana's (the arc) etc and Im just barely getting an abilithy to access concentration jhanas.
i've just scratched the surface and my life just keeps getting better and better.
the simple instructions here work. for every one. believe me

"Like I said above, my concentration is pretty lousy, so this doesn't do much for feeling confident. Also, I'm having some difficulty making sense of all this talk of the maps, jhanas, nanas, strata, etc. When I read this stuff, I'm like, huh?!, how the hell could I work up enough concentration to navigate such territory, and how would I know if I did?

So, I've decided to chuck all of that stuff in favor of just jumping in feet first and not being concerned with anything else but paying attention to my experience. I'll put aside analysis, intellectualization, and philosophizing. So far none of that has done a bit of good and I'm certain it has delayed my progress. For too long I've been wondering if I'm noting correctly, ie, fast enough, noting enough phenomena, using the right words, and looking for instead of looking at.

I'm going to make a sincere attempt to Just Do It and see what happens. I won't know unless I try, and I know that I'm in good company on this forum. I look forward to all of your honesty and suggestions along the way."

This summarizes pretty much what I've been thinking the past weeks. Welcome!

@ Mike: thanks for the welcome! Mike, you've been an inspiration to me. I've been following your postings, and the thing that I can admire most about your practice is the ordinariness of it, the down-to-earth way in which you approach it and talk about it. You take it down to the level of it being no big deal, and I love this. Thank you for your postings, and congrats on 1st path...WOOOOOOOOOOT!!!

@Omni: thanks for your welcome, too! It's good to know that I'm not the only one who feels this way, but I know that, if we are to arrive at some understanding of this stuff, this is the place to do it!

Tina

many of us started off with poor concentration... I was diagnosed with ADD but have still made progress along the paths... good luck

@Clayton: thanks for writing, Clayton. I've been following your journey, and I am very happy to see how far you've progressed. I admire your humility and your warm support for all of the yogis on this path.

It's encouraging to know that poor concentration is not an obstacle, unless I make it one.

Tina

20 min. seated noting.

I'm going to use my lazy approach to typing out these notes. I did this with Kenneth when I was emailing him about my meditations a few months back.

Pleasant = p
Unpleasant = u
Neutral = n
Thought = t

Anxiety, shaking, restlessness, rising, falling, inhaling, exhaling, tension-u, doubting, unease, rising, falling, aching-u, gurgling, cramping-u, sitting, touching-n, hardness, coolness-u, warmth-u, relaxation-p, rising, falling, hearing, annoyance, cramping-u, tingling, heat-u, pressure-u, curiosity, pressure, rising, falling, song-t, image-t, wandering, dullness, pulsing-n, pounding-u, sleepiness, etc.

Before I sat, I arose from bed with mindful attention and noted while showering. I'm not sure if I'm applying too much effort or if it's because my energy is screwed up, but I felt a bit hyper by the time I sat down. Early into the noting I started to relax and settle down. I felt pulsing in my hands, face, forehead and feet, as well as tingling over the surface of my skin. I also noticed some faint shimmering of light behind my eyelids, but I wasn't sure how to note this.

Tina

Tina

Hey Tina, When you note things like "annoyance" how do you know this? Because of thoughts (visual/auditory) and/or body sensations? I ask because I've noticed that exploring this helps me to notice more detail.

"Hey Tina, When you note things like "annoyance" how do you know this? Because of thoughts (visual/auditory) and/or body sensations? I ask because I've noticed that exploring this helps me to notice more detail. -omnipleasant"

Too much thinking, Omni. Although there can be value in the investigation you are describing, it is not necessary and it carries a risk; it can lead to endless thought loops of speculation. All you have to do is note whatever comes up. You don't have to understand cause and effect. Noting leads to the end of seeking. Thinking leads to thinking.

"Hey Tina, When you note things like "annoyance" how do you know this? Because of thoughts (visual/auditory) and/or body sensations? I ask because I've noticed that exploring this helps me to notice more detail."

Hi Omni,

I've had sooooo much practice at being annoyed that it's easy to know!

Seriously, it's that I feel a surge of energy in the body like to urge to say or do something about whatever is annoying me. Sometimes it feels like tension somewhere or some kind of restlessness or a feeling of wanting to escape. If I'm tuned in to my body, I can just feel it without any conscious thought process.

Tina

Hi Kenneth,

Thanks for reinforcing the importance of too much thinking. I've been guilty of this for too long and it has only delayed my progress.

Also, for me, thinking covers or veils everything else that is going on, and I'll automatically lose touch with all the subtleties of life, ie, the body sensations connected with mind states, the mind states themselves, touch, smell, taste, etc.

Noting allows the thinking to recede and allows everything else to become prominent.

Tina

"Too much thinking, Omni. Although there can be value in the investigation you are describing, it is not necessary and it carries a risk; it can lead to endless thought loops of speculation. All you have to do is note whatever comes up. You don't have to understand cause and effect. Noting leads to the end of seeking. Thinking leads to thinking.

"

Aha okay!

Hi Tina,
Good to met another female traveller on this road! I suffer with chronic fatigue syndrome, and like you, concentration (and energy levels) can be a problem. But as Nick says, just do it anyway and, I guess the only way is up! I suspect I'm still trying to get first path, I'm not even sure, I'm just doing what Kenneth tells me to do as best I can. Like you, it's just great to cut through all the BS...a friend of mine calls it 'theological overheads'...and cut to the chase .

All good wishes to you...

Serena

Wow Tina,

I just read through your thread and am really impressed - awesome! With this approach you'll be making serious progress.

Also, like Serena, I'm so happy to see another woman join in the discussion and practice - we really need more balance around here! Please keep us up to date on what is happening in your practice.

Ron

@ Serena: Thanks for the good wishes! I'm glad to be here to boost the female presence a bit! I've been following your notes, and I'm happy to watch your progress here. In concentrating on the core teachings and ditching the fluff, I'm sure you'll gain momentum. Best Wishes!

@ Ron: Thanks for your support, Ron. I've also been following your notes, and congratulations on your progress! I really feel such joy when I see yogis like you seeing real results from your efforts. Way to go!

My confidence level is constantly changing. Some days I really feel focused and energetic enough to believe I can actually do this. Other days I question my ability and motivation for pursuing this. I'll think, am I crazy or what? What would be wrong with just going through life like everyone else, knowing that I'm suffering, aging, and that I'm going to die just like everyone? Why can't I just leave it all alone and live like this instead of feeling this seeking?

Just some questions that I'm sure many of you have had on this path.

Tina

Er, you probably will age and die like everyone else...that's unavoidable, but I imagine you will view it entirely differently. Less focused on the comings and goings, more being with the ever present....I guess. That's my 'goal' anyways

I think it is a given that ANYONE who sits down and follows the vipassana noting instructions and sticks with it will make steady progress. That is just the way it is.
Another "given" is that once one has the insight disease they've got it for good -- it won't go away. So you may as well practice.

@ Serena: yes, what you say makes sense. The way I see it, many people around me are so focused on things that just seem to make them suffer more, like you said, the comings & goings. What am I getting, what am I losing?, etc. I have found that this practice has somewhat diminished that tendency for me. Looking back over time, I can say that my relationship to things in general has relaxed somewhat. It just seems so gradual and imperceptible until I look at how I used to be. But, yes, being with the ever present...there is no where else to be but here, unless we're living exclusively in our heads.

@Mike: I like how simple & direct this is, that it seems inevitable as long as energy is directed toward the practice. And yes, I may as well practice. Life is going on whether I do or not, so what do I have to lose? A lot of baggage hopefully!

And you're right about the insight disease. I've been questioning & seeking since my teen years, and I don't see it going away anytime soon (even though I'm sick of the whole thing!)

Tina

Tina,

I think once somebody has got to where you are and knows what to do (or even if they don't) then they are "on the ride" that Kenneth describes. It is inevitable. So you might as well jump in and take it to its end.

As far as motivation goes, my understanding of the first two steps of the 8-fold path have matured to this:
Right View - Holy Sh*t! This can actually be done!
Right Intention - I'm sick of waiting, let's do this thing!

A little tongue and cheek, but it really is how I felt once I got a first real taste of progress. So don't doubt too much, just keep noting and keep the momentum moving onward and upward.

I look forward to reading about your practice!

Ron

"


So don't doubt too much, just keep noting and keep the momentum moving onward and upward.



"

@ Ron: thanks for the encouragement. I will look to your progress as an example that it can be done!

30 min. w/ kasina

A few weeks ago, I cut out a 9" diameter cardboard circle to use as a kasina for practice on lunchbreaks. The few times that I used it, I noticed the eyes had a tendency to shift rapidly over the surface, as if seeking for something on which to rest. This made for a rather jumpy kasina! So today I added the tiniest dot at the center as a place where I could lightly rest the eyes.

Today I used it and noticed the following: very quickly, a misty, milky colored counter-image appeared over the surface of the kasina. As the eyes moved ever so slightly, a bright outline appeared at the edges. This looked like those cool NASA photos of the moon eclipsing the sun. As I continued to softly gaze, I felt pulsing through my arms & hands with tingling over the surface of the skin. The hands grew quite warm, & I also noticed the same tingling over the face, with a feeling of puffiness in the lips and forehead. At the same time it seemed as though someone was playing with a dimmer switch, as the light in the room kept flashing brighter then dimmer, and at times the kasina appeared to disappear into the white wall behind it.

At times, wispy thoughts came & went, as did the feeling that I felt my attention split between being attracted to both the breath & the image of the kasina.

Tina