Nadav's thread

Hi. Nothing to say right now.

Here are the backups of my threads from wetpaint:

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I'd love to see updated reports from you, Nadav, whenever you feel like sharing.

OK!

I feel rather unenlightened right now. At the mercy of the cycles much like during third path. Virtually no formal sitting practice, but pretty good awareness throughout the day starting as soon as I wake up. I can be very embedded in the narrative about my life, i.e., thoughts.

It's easy to look from the cycling POV and line everything up with that. A week ago, felt good, surprisingly energetic, random moments of admiring the inherent beauty of sensory experience. Now, lazy, apathetic, disorganized, irritable, doubtful of attainments etc.

That's not the only coherent interpretation, of course, and I question how readily I attribute everything to practice. That could just be an easy excuse. Scary life + lazy practice = dark night excuse! But those are all just thoughts anyway. Here are a couple more: maybe all of this is a dream in the mind of an angry teenager. Maybe I'm just cranky because I just woke up an hour ago. <!-- s:shock: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_eek.gif" alt=":shock:" title="Shocked" /><!-- s:shock: -->

In the spirit of phenomenology, I'll try a real-time report of what's actually going on right now.

Adjusting my posture. Softness of the couch. Amused thought. Hearing music. Listening. Looking around. Tension in the chest. Focusing in on it. Coolness of the breath; delicate, pleasant. Head bobbing a bit with the music. Tightness in the shoulders. Calmness, joy, pressure-unpleasant, coolness-pleasant, gratitude. Seeing, anticipation, hearing, reflection, swallowing, imaging thought. Tension in the chest is there but softer now. Cracking knuckles, stretching wrist. Seeing vividly. Boredom. Swallowing. Coolness. Confusion. Irritation, judging thought (why did Bill Evans recording Santa Clause is Coming to Town on this album?). Amusement, laughter. Song choice thought, uncertainty. Allowing. Appreciation, narrative thought (changed the song). Admiration. Tension. Planning thought. Coolness. Softness of the carpet. Movement. Following along with the song, singing internally, seeing the chord changes, remembering the lyrics, some particular recordings I have checked out of it and where I was when I did. Pressure in the forehead. Thirst, imagining, desire, swallowing, laziness, self-pity, seeing, hearing, stillness, self-absorption, spelling thought. Tightness in the chest predominant, moved up a bit towards the throat. Looking at it, feel sadness, self-pity, unpleasant, tightness, relief, visualizing. Imaging thought associated with the music. Restlessness, desire to abort. Swallowing. Time curiosity. Listening, spacing out, smiling, tension, pressure, heaviness, appreciation, joy, listening, imagining, planning, uncertainty, labeling thought. Reflection. Yawning, stretching. Eyelids heavy. Posture thought, imagining adjustment, intending, picking up laptop, pushing up, adjusting posture. Stretching, tightness. Hearing. Release, breathing out. Restlessness, distractedness. Aversion to noting. Sitting. Tightness in the throat, anticipation, burp. Amusement, laughing. Planning imaging thought. Cracking knuckles. Looking around, seeing. Tightness. Recognition, self-inquiry (where is awareness? is there such a thing right now?). Brightness, lucidity, recollection, amusement. Imaging thought. Hearing, imaging. Appreciation. Irritation, bitter thought (why do they put multiple takes of the same song back to back? put that shit at the end of the album). Amusement. Release, breathing out. Looking, scrolling, hearing internally, choosing. Stretching. Tension. Planning thought. Remembering thought, longing, sentimental thought. Hearing. Listening. Gratitude. Non-manipulative-ness. Itching. Swallowing. Neutral, unpleasant, unpleasant, neutral, pleasant, unpleasant. Reflection (changes too fast to type-note) Listening, head turns &amp; face grimaces with the music. Associated image.Spacing out. Singing. Swaying, appreciation, singing, stomach sucked in, facial tension. Tension. Maybe-I-should-end-this thought. Nobody-will-read-this thought. Indignation, amusement, embarrassment, tension, stretching, itching, intending, scratching, itching, release, tension, tightness, pressure, uncertainty.

Awesome commentary and report. Thanks, Nadav.