Befriending the heart

I think that suffering (as opposed to pain or discomfort) is due to our habitual tendency to turn away from our experience. This splitting-off from certain facets of experience, and thus becoming divided, is the problem to be addressed. One can frame this in terms of craving as well, in that we tend to grasp and cling to that which is NOT a facet of experience we wish to avoid. This means that we often cling to thoughts and beliefs -- which are neutral in feeling -- as opposed to unpleasant sensations in our bodies.

One area of bodily feeling we tend to ignore are the feelings associated with our heart. I'm talking about the flesh and blood heart, not some conceptual or archetypal heart. If we take the time to notice the way the beating heart feels, we notice that it is a very vulnerable and slightly uncomfortable experience. The heart is tender, sensitive, active, alive. It responds to changes in breathing, thinking, and feeling in other areas of the body. To place our attention to our hearts is to become aware of our raw humanity and vulnerability. It's no wonder that we often ignore our living, beating heart. To come into contact with the heart is to feel exposed, and being exposed can scare us. But, as a psychotherapist in training, I've come to learn that the places that scare us provide some of the most meaningful opportunities for growth and change.

I recommend taking some time to get acquainted with your heart. You can sit in whatever meditation posture is most comfortable to you, including reclining or lying down. Take a few calming breaths, and then just bring your attention to your heart. You may even place one or both hands on your chest to feel each movement more clearly. Have no other agenda other than to get to know this heart of yours. Let it speak, and do your best to just listen. See if this brings a sense of openness and intimacy with the whole of your experience.

-Jackson

Along the same lines, I want share one my first important insights on the spiritual path. It is perhaps still the most important thing for me to remember.

When I was first pushing through Dark Night territory, I had a strong aversion toward the unpleasant physical and mental activities that were causing me so much grief. I used to get really worked up about it, and end up going for a walk just to break up some of the energy.

At some point I remembered something I read in a Thich Nhat Hanh book. He said something about looking deeply into your suffering, and holding it the way you would a crying infant. This gave rise to an approach that I think many people use, but it was articulated in a way that works well for me.

I came to think was this: what needs our attention and acceptance is just what's happening right now, regardless of what it is. It could be a pain in my foot, or a fear lodged in my stomach or throat. I began approaching each phenomenon by think, "Hello, I see you. I'm here for you. Please, tell me what it is you need to say. I'm listening." This was my way of letting go, and of really hearing what I was supposed hear, seeing what I was supposed to see, and so on. This is what I believe allowed me to transition into equanimity, and finally experience my first real taste of release not long after.

To this day, this way of practicing has never let me down. Experience seems to work itself out when attended to in this way. It's the opposite of reacting to experience. Reacting seems to just reinforce the patterns that are trying to work themselves out. Allowing experience to unfold without any blocks allows these patterns to fizzle out, freeing up awareness. Simply amazing.

More often than not, this is a major part of what I practice both on and off the cushion.

An old thread, but I just stumbled on it and I think you touch on some really profound points. For me especially the part where you talk about lightly holding, embracing any difficulties. For me that involved a sense of immersing, including and allowing the resistance (which might feel like a sort of bubbling knot of tension in the mind, for example, or might be more concrete, like fear or grief or anger). It wasn't something I could even conceive of doing for a long time - first one has to be able to identify that the resistance is even there, I think, which takes practice. When I first did try that, I found it terrifying, honestly. Really profoundly terrifying. Because I didn't believe I really could open to those things - the habit of defending against them is so innate, so familiar. It's a very difficult practice, I think, and thus very worth practicing.