Meditation Practice is Supposed to Make You Sane

Wow, this is beautifully put, Chris.

The times when we are scared, sad, upset, or anxious in response to our lives -- whether on or off the cushion -- are the right times to allow the experience to run its course while staying present. The path of neurosis is to run and hide from these events, like we would do as children. It was good for us to do as children, because we did not yet have the maturity to respond differently. It was our way of surviving. But now we must learn to be spiritual grownups. You are right to say that, "I am clearly not what I grew up thinking I was."

We can think of ego-grasping as a set of training wheels. It helps us stay upright while learning how to ride like a big boy/girl. But the training wheels become confining, and even dangerous at adult speeds. To ride more freely and effectively, the wheels need to come off.

Reality -- and thus, sanity -- awaits.

Yes.

Okay, I thought it would be cool to just say "yes," and leave it at that but I can't.

So, maybe we aren't what we used to think we were, but, we are definitely something, something pretty wonderful and amazing and awesome, and I want to be that.
All the time.
As completely as possible.
Even when I seem "flawed" --
I'm never broken,
And, I'm never deserving of punnishment or chastisement or banishment.

Most of the time when I think I'm or the world around me is flawed, just a LITTLE more awareness and surrender will show me that everything is actually just fine. Or, great, even.

resist not evil

I think it would be fair to say that I agree SO much with Chris and Jackson here that I really think I could care less whether I am ever anything called "enlightened" -- I just want to live a life in which I am as intimate as possible with everything going on within and without me (not matter how it feels or how it looks from the perspective of that moment) and am as good as possible in creating some love and peace if I can be so lucky.

So to me pain is now a signpost. It says, "You need to take a good hard look at this."

-cmarti

Good point. The experiences that used to make us head for the hills are now a call for acceptance and investigation. Instead of, "Holy shit, RUN FROM THIS!" The message is, "Oh, there's that not-right-feeling again. Let's get in there!" From neurotic reaction to mature, sane interaction. Spiritual growing up.

@michael "resist not evil" reminds me of the many times I've needed the t-shirt that reads "resistance is useless!" lol

and the times mentors told me "you can contain all this" and "include everything". That didn't always seem more than metaphorical or encouraging. eventually it was simply completely true. that didn't necessarily make it not still a little scary or overwhelming, and sometimes nearly impossible to be with. but it is true.

"BTW, I'm using the word "me" in a metaphysical way, so none of that "there is no "you" stuff, okay?"

Oh, geez-- I HOPE we're all adults in this crowd!

Your news, Chris, points out an irony of practice-- the longer it goes on, the less a 'big deal' the changes set in motion seem. 'Hey, not strung out! Not confused!' is not something it makes sense to say, month after month, year after year. You stop hearing 'the dog not barking in the night' fairly quickly.

It's a little ironic, because compared to the previous status quo, things going along in workable fashion really IS a big deal; that was certainly clear when 'finding my life workable, no matter what' was a remote dream! This is the downside of the saying about 'meditation translates to "getting used to". '

Can I just say, speaking of chaos in ones life and the loveliness of small things, I am so utterly excited to spend the next day on an airplane, where for the first time in many, many, many months I can just sit and stare at the seat in front of me and not have a pile of work or any other complicated overwhelming stuff to deal with? It will be sheer bliss.

In the interests of full disclosure, I offer this update from the lovely, heavily secured GW Bush Airport in Houston, Texas while I wait for my connection.

TSA checkpoints: instant surge of habitual loathing
opening my suitcase: even more habitual loathing
getting waved around the special naked scanner for random unknown reasons: sweet!
friendly chitchat from poor chap scanning my electronics for explosives: nice
carrying three very heavy suitcases that made my arms ache: painful
forgot how cramped airplane seats are: mildly unpleasant, later really painful
being surrounded by (I kid you not) SEVEN children under the age of six, four of whom were having simultaneous tantrums for the first third of the flight: several moments of sheer panic, otherwise ignored
making friends with the very nice non-tantrumy baby next to me: sweet but also sad in a nostalgic way
having my seat kicked violently for extended periods by tantrum boy behind me: actually not irritating at all, to my surprise; (his shrieking seemed to get worse if he wasn't allowed to move around physically, so I chose the kicking over the shrieking; and there wasn't really anything his mother could do, as she had six other out of control kids to herd)

laughing at myself for being on an emotional rollercoaster when I'd wanted some really sweet hours of peace and quiet: priceless

Love it: dispatches from the front!

Thanks Ona, I, for one, prefer real life actual stories to intellectual discussions.