Transferring Daddy and Shark Dream

I realized this morning during sitting that I have been transferring my father onto a great many individuals in my life. No wonder I have been reading a lot of Jung. It gave me tools to process this.

My father was very violatile and unpredictable when I was a kid. Being a very sensitive fellow, I did not deal with this well. Seems I have a very strong tendency to unconsciously project his traits onto males and authority figures. Consequently, I am scared of them and wait for them to criticize or yell at me at any moment.

Good to know! Now, I can ask myself more objectively: What are THIS person's traits? Is it likely that this person is going to go off the rails on me, like my dad used to? Most often the answer is an emphatic "no."

I think my EFT practice may also have helped me come to this realization. I'd say my anxiety has been reduced by 25 - 30% so far.

I also had an interesting dream last night. There was a great white shark that suddenly appeared at the end of a hallway. Although anxious about its presence, I jumped up on a ledge to let it pass. This is a very good development for me. Usually, I am terrified and either running from or cornered by the monster, whether it be a lion, a man-eating Asian carp (yeah, I swear...), a T. Rex, or a bear. This time I kept my cool more and it swam on its way.

My teacher once told me that I will need to learn to slay the monster. This a very common mythological motif of the hero. I am also working on my timidity with EFT, which might explain the more positive dream.

Baby steps.

Fascinating stuff, Sunyata. Been there. It's so useful when we start to see our strange little behavior patterns and where they come from. My dad had been in a lot of really terrible near-death situations (from accidents to war) and he had a hair-trigger fear response. I remember as a kid once sneaking up behind him and saying "boo" in total innocent play. His panic response made him terribly angry (though he was never physically violent, just shouted a lot). He was a very well-meaning guy, but in terrible inner pain (and because he wouldn't talk about any of it, I didn't understand him until much later in life, when he shared some of his experiences). I internalized a lot of his anxieties about the potential dangers in everyday life and it took a long time to shake that.

Wow, you might be my sister. My dad was in Vietnam and I feel has had experiences that have caused him a lot of emotional turmoil. This may have contributed to his unpredictability. However, he's very closed off and never talks about any of it. He's toned down A LOT as he's gotten older and is well-meaning. But I still feel the pain in him.

My teacher once told me that I will need to learn to slay the monster. This a very common mythological motif of the hero.

-sunyata

Learning to slay is good. Sometimes it's interesting to let the shark eat you, too -- but only if you know you are dreaming!

Learning to slay is good. Sometimes it's interesting to let the shark eat you, too -- but only if you know you are dreaming!


-shargrol

I tried that recently! I was being hunted by a dinosaur, and realized I couldn't escape. So I thought, I wonder what it would be like to be eaten by it? So I let it catch me, but then I saw my hands and realized I was dreaming (that was a cue I'd been training all week to lucid dream), and I was like "Aha! Dream!" and then I woke up from the excitement.

"Learning to slay is good. Sometimes it's interesting to let the shark eat you, too -- but only if you know you are dreaming! " - shargrol

haha! I wonder what happens if I eat the shark....

Potentially one could make friends with the shark, too, and have a chit chat.

Or you could ride the shark even.

Wow, you might be my sister. My dad was in Vietnam and I feel has had experiences that have caused him a lot of emotional turmoil. This may have contributed to his unpredictability. However, he's very closed off and never talks about any of it. He's toned down A LOT as he's gotten older and is well-meaning. But I still feel the pain in him.



-sunyata

Yeah, it's got to be pretty damn difficult to let go of experiencing "watch out, you are going to die!" (and it's actually very likely, because you are in a war zone), and then just go back to household life and not be on high alert all the time. Not to mention dealing with the suffering and deaths of comrades and enemies. On the plus side he (my dad) had very keen powers of observation. He was an artist, too. I think from him I learned to notice subtle smells, the way the wind was blowing, the habits of wild animals and the subtle body language of people, the way light falls on things and the details of color and form. I appreciate having learned that.

...
My father was very violatile and unpredictable when I was a kid. Being a very sensitive fellow, I did not deal with this well. Seems I have a very strong tendency to unconsciously project his traits onto males and authority figures. Consequently, I am scared of them and wait for them to criticize or yell at me at any moment.
Good to know! Now, I can ask myself more objectively: What are THIS person's traits? Is it likely that this person is going to go off the rails on me, like my dad used to? Most often the answer is an emphatic "no." ...



-sunyata

Just to come back to the meditation theme (so our male authority figure moderator doesn't yell at us!!) what you describe about not meeting other people with preconceptions, but finding out who *they* are has been an ongoing thing for me, too. I found it happened all the time, putting people in boxes based on preconceptions of how they were probably going to behave. Sometimes based on past experience with them, sometimes on cultural expectations (guy looks like a yuppie asshole to me... or whatever). Just for example there were a lot of people - from family to acquaintances to strangers - I assumed would think I was totally weird if I talked openly about meditation or magick. When I stopped assuming that, I was really surprised how many responded by sharing stories of strange things they'd experienced. Even an aunt I never would have thought had any such interests looked at me with relief. She told me she had had an experience with a ghost once, and never told anyone before because she thought they'd think she was crazy. So lovely connections with people can happen when we don't assume they must be like this or that but instead try to be really open to how they are at the moment.

"I assumed would think I was totally weird if I talked openly about meditation or magick" - ona

I have this feeling all the time, although it has lessened in intensity of late. For me, it is also closely linked with the level of compassion I feel for myself. I have a tendency to feel that "I am horrible" and I interpreted people thinking I am weird as reinforcement of that. It's changing though. Yesterday, a woman apologized for saying that I was a "strange kid". I told her: "I took it as a complement!"



..,.lovely connections with people can happen when we don't assume they must be like this or that but instead try to be really open to how they are at the moment." - ona

True that yo. Being aware of the assumptions themselves is definitely part of the practice for me too.

"On the plus side he (my dad) had very keen powers of observation. He was an artist, too. I think from him I learned to notice subtle smells, the way the wind was blowing, the habits of wild animals and the subtle body language of people, the way light falls on things and the details of color and form. I appreciate having learned that." - ona

That is a fine skill that I am not as much attuned to. I am definitely more of an N than S in the Meyers-Brigg scheme, although spiritual practice has learned me to greatly appreciate natural wonder.

You know, it's not like I haven't had this conversation with many, many, many people. Really amazing how many of us grow up with some basic feeling of being horrible, unworthy and so on. I know I tended to think there's me, and then there's all these fabulous happy people. But year after year, as I got to know "happy fabulous people" - they too had the same inner perspective, self-doubts, traumas, misery, etc. I'm not sure I've met anyone really who doesn't have some measure of difficulties in their self-esteem or family relations or feelings about themselves. I've met some who pretend they don't, even though it's pretty evident. I wonder if it's just part of growing up, and some people get a little extra crap to deal with, and some a little less, but that development of inner self-worth and confidence is always part of the journey?

Jake2, this is a wonderful post.

To me, your reaction to the shark in the dream shows that you are growing in your practice. The very act of moving out of the way to let something pass signifies an increased capacity and ability to switch to another perspective (literally, moving to the side).

EFT has been good for you, it seems. It encourages you not only to approach difficult thoughts and feelings, but also to try thinking differently about them. This reduces experiential avoidance (increasing willingness), and works to defuse your experience of who you are from the thoughts you experience. This makes me happy

Slaying the monster may or may not be something you need to learn. It's worth exploring various ways of interacting with monsters, so you have lots of options when they show up!

Keep up the good work, man.

-Jackson

"I wonder if it's just part of growing up, and some people get a little extra crap to deal with, and some a little less, but that development of inner self-worth and confidence is always part of the journey?" - ona

I also wonder how much of it is culture-related. I remember a quotation from the Dalai Lama regarding how surprised he was to encounter so many people with negative views of themselves in the West. He was used to his monks having to deal with pride, but not lack of self-worth. I also wonder how common feelings of negative self-worth are in less industrialized countries.

"works to defuse your experience of who you are from the thoughts you experience." - Jackson

So true! This is exactly what I experience. And EFT helps give me the objectivity that ANYTHING psychological that I encounter is merely another phenomenon and is not necessarily reflective of my "true self." I think this realization is what is gleaned from the practice of meditation as well.

Thanks Jackson for the encouragement.

It's a bit speculative, and we tend to romanticize historical times and non-industrialized cultures, but one thing I see in Brazil is that the poor are often very fatalistic and passive. There is very little opportunity to move up in life - it can be done, but it is very, very difficult compared to in the US. Family connections are vital. It's very rare for people to pick up and move to the city to try to start some new thing, the way immigrants to the US have done for centuries and young people today often do: "I'll go to NY and become a graphic designer!"

What this can mean is there isn't this constant self-comparison to some imagined Big Success or this striving to be something bigger, better, richer, more fabulous, etc. One just takes what one has and does the best one can with it. Most rural people and poorer people, when you say "How are you?" answer "Thanks be to God" and if you ask if something will work out this way or that way, they say "God willing." The rich rarely say that. The rich say "Fine, thanks" and offer opinions about stuff.

I'm not saying it's good or bad.

It's just something I've noticed based on some day to day conversations and observations in Rio and in rural areas I've visited.

"So true! This is exactly what I experience. And EFT helps give me the objectivity that ANYTHING psychological that I encounter is merely another phenomenon and is not necessarily reflective of my 'true self.' I think this realization is what is gleaned from the practice of meditation as well."

Right. The practice seems to be showing you thoughts and feelings as they are, rather than as they SAY they are.

"Thanks Jackson for the encouragement."

You're very welcome. I appreciate that you're providing content that is much more rich and workable; and thus, more beneficial for all of us

Hi all,

I wanted to share another related dream that I had last night. This seems to indicate more improvement towards a courageous and assertive--yet compassionate--personality.

I was with a cohort of ragtag soldiers. We were on the beach and watched as an invading ship appeared parallel to the horizon. Our group swam out to the ship and I was one of the first up the side. I engaged one of the crewman in a sword fight and beat him down the length of the deck. When I was about to send him flying off the side of the ship, a "Zen man" appeared who was a member of the crew and my "enemy." If I remember correctly he wore a tunic with a red cross that reminded me of a Crusader. In his presence I stopped fighting and felt immediate compassion for my adversary, whom I did not push into the ocean and would not. I gave the Zen man a knowing look and a smile. That was the end of the dream.

I don't think I've ever had a dream with these energetic components. Usually, I am terrified in my dreams. I don't remember feeling any fear in this one; instead, I displayed acts of courage. I love how my psyche manifested the Zen man to remind me to not go to far, to not exercise my aggression and my will to the extreme. Balance is key.

Maybe. But I think it was more part of the psyche's natural system of checks and balances.

This morning during practice I became aware of the amorphousness behind the thoughts and feelings that come and go. The thoughts and feelings were detached from what I call "Jake". I had the thought that "I don't know who or what this Jake is" because behind the thoughts and feelings was not a hardened "Jake" that thinks and feels but rather an unknown amorphousness. I also naturally began questioning, well, who is that is hearing the dog barking then? Or hearing the fire alarm beep? Interesting. This state probably lasted for 10 min or so.

I also had another monster dream last night. This time it was a polar bear. I was with someone experienced in handling polar bears and he told me to hit the polar bear upside the head with a paddle I was holding to keep him at bay. I did this and it worked. Then we just slowly backed away. Interesting. No running or terror. There was fear but it was subdued.

Thinking about it a little more, I engaged the bear and subdued him rather than letting him pass like I did with the shark. I'm not quite sure what that might mean, except that I am learning to deal with aggressive people in different ways. Because aggressive people have always frightened me.