My experiences in meditation over the last few months have strangely supported the idea that compassion is a natural expression of our true nature. I’ll describe one such experience…
My meditation practice was feeling quite dull for a couple of days. Upon reflection, it occurred to me that I was (once again) practicing for the sake of going through familiar stages, experiencing cessation/fruition as described in the Mahasi tradition, and cycling back around. Doing the same old stuff wasn’t bringing any further growth to my life and practice. As they say in some self-helpy literature, if you’re not growing – you’re dead.
So, I decided to drop the routine and switch to a “whatever happens, happens” approach. I welcomed my experience, whatever it was, and allowed it. Noticing subtle resistance to experience, I did my best to relax into the moment and let experience happen without my interference.
At some point, the feelings of openness that were being cultivated resulted in a mental image of one of my cats; namely, Zooey. Zooey is our big fluffy orange boy cat. He has some issues with his right eye, so he has chronic conjunctivitis (pink eye). My wife and I do our best to keep it from getting bad, but I’m sure he’s nearly always uncomfortable. And yet, he’s the most snuggly, loving, best-buddy of a cat I’ve ever known. The guy just knows how to love. So, a picture of Zooey snuggling in my lap brought a feeling of deep sense of sadness, compassion, and love.
At the same time, insight into Zooey’s (as well as my own) empty nature arose. Zooey is not a separate being, and neither am I. I would have thought this realization would result in an easy-going feeling toward his suffering – a way of bypassing the difficult emotions that arise through a spiritual point of view (one of the most dastardly coping mechanisms I can think of). But that’s not what happened at all. Rather, this insight seemed to cause my heart to crack open. Free from the constraints of ego-grasping, the feelings of compassion flooded my experience. What I realized in that moment is that insight into selflessness (or Emptiness) is not other than compassion. I had heard this before, many times actually. And I have experienced it as well. But it happened again yesterday in a profound way. The thought that arose during the experience was “compassion transcends ego”. At the same time, it seemed like this compassionate expression also came prior to ego. This truest nature is prior to, within, and beyond our limited self-concepts/’I’-thoughts.
As they say in the Tibetan traditions (Dzogchen, I believe), the essence of our nature is not other than emptiness, and the unbound expression of our nature is not other than compassion.
So, a lesson was learned – or perhaps re-learned. This lesson is difficult to put into words. I could say it like this – openness and full engagement with present experiencing takes priority over other “goals” on the spiritual path. If only I could keep from forgetting this.
